Permission to Want More
Season 2 Episode 5 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman
In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Jill and Molly explore the discomfort of wanting more when you already have enough.
They discuss the tension between gratitude and ambition, and why wanting more can feel selfish, greedy, or ungrateful, especially for women. Through conversations about recovery, motherhood, money, recognition, fitness, success, and family life, they unpack how desire can be information about what you are ready to build next.
This episode is a reminder that gratitude does not require settling, and wanting more does not mean you are unappreciative of the life you already have.
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Jill Griffin (00:00)
I want a lot of money in my bank account and I don't want to have to work real hard for it. I'm gonna be honest with you.
Molly Bierman (00:05)
one thing that I currently want that I feel like I'm not allowed to want is more experience with my kids while also being equally successful in my work, right?
Jill Griffin (00:15)
just because somebody's striving for more does not equate to
Not being grateful. I mean, ambition, yeah, ambition
Molly Bierman (00:22)
Or entitlement, right, right.
Jill Griffin (00:24)
can live in the same house as gratitude.
Jill Griffin (00:27)
Welcome to No Permission Necessary. I'm Jill Griffin.
Molly Bierman (00:30)
And I'm Molly Bierman.
Jill Griffin (00:31)
Real conversations about recovery, identity, success, relationships, and the pressure to hold it all together.
Molly Bierman (00:37)
From two behavioral health experts who've lived it.
Jill Griffin (00:40)
No perfect answers, no polished performance.
Molly Bierman (00:43)
This is no permission
necessary.
Jill Griffin (00:44)
No Permission Necessary.
Jill Griffin (00:46)
Yeah, meanwhile I'm getting a lot of text about the High Rocks poop incident. So
Molly Bierman (00:51)
What? I have
no idea what you're talking about.
Jill Griffin (00:54)
let's let's let's just start there, okay? before we get into our topic today. So recently in a competition, there was a world class athlete. She shit herself during the race.
one person texted j all it was no high, no nothing. It was just the question: if you shit yourself in the middle of the race, are you going to continue running? It was just a question. Okay.
Molly Bierman (01:22)
And in the answer is no.
Jill Griffin (01:23)
The answer is I'm not gonna get to the point of shitting myself. Okay. If I feel if I feel that happening, we're exiting stage left.
Molly Bierman (01:33)
Well, we're gonna see to the fans, to the haters, we're gonna see in a couple weeks.
Jill Griffin (01:39)
All right. Well, it's it's a segue into our topic today. We're talking about permission to want more than you are when you already have enough. And feel like in terms of my fitness and Hyrox racing, that is a question I get asked sometimes. Like, what is enough enough? Like
Molly Bierman (01:55)
Well
I don't know. I feel like there is never a time where you've gonna you're going to feel like you've had enough. That's been my experience with your fitness journey. That's also been my experience in life in terms of always looking to kind of what is next and challenging ourselves.
Jill Griffin (02:14)
Yeah, I I think this conversation is more about the discomfort that we feel asking for more when when people look in, they're like, but you have it all. Like you have all these things. Like it's selfish to want more. It's not I don't know, like it it it feels uncomfortable to say that when like
People look at our lives sometimes and they're like, I want what she has. But you know what? There's always gonna be somebody with more. And for me, it's not about more things at this point in my life. Like, or I don't know.
Molly Bierman (02:51)
Well, I think that there's this, vision that we, you know, have, which is we're taught to practice gratitude, right? And so if we're grateful, then we should be grateful for what we have and not, you know, it it doesn't mean not reach, but that's how people comprehend it, right? So
Jill Griffin (03:07)
Mm-hmm.
Molly Bierman (03:08)
healthy kids, business, beautiful homes, friends, vacations, whatever, right? Like all the things.
And that doesn't equate to, I'm not grateful if I have a yearning for more. It just means that I can have gratitude and still reach for things that I would like to accomplish.
And I got a gratitude list literally today. And the things on it were so freaking relatable. Okay.
from when that was just what I was reaching for, right? food. Okay. A blanket, a place to live, that her needs are met, a ride to and from work, that I will be getting a paycheck, a good night's sleep, right? And so these things in the beginning were the basic necessities that I wasn't able to create for myself, right?
Because I was engaged in all the chaos and all the mess and all the active addiction and everything else. And now it's interesting because I look at that gratitude list and I cross-reference it to mine. And some of those things are still
Jill Griffin (04:12)
Some of them are the same.
Molly Bierman (04:14)
the same all those years later, right? So it doesn't necessarily mean that I am reaching for the most, you know.
elite kind of object, right? It's more that the more that I stay in gratitude of the basic necessities, those needs are met and I couldn't have even envisioned what my life was going to look like.
Jill Griffin (04:34)
There are a lot of people that put labels on wanting more as if that's greedy or that something's wrong with you and you are ungrateful. And it's about living in the dialectic for me. Both things can be true at the same time. I can be extremely grateful for the health of my children, for having a roof over my head, a good night's sleep. That's often on my gratitude list.
Molly Bierman (04:57)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (04:59)
all those things can be true. And I want more because the narrative that people put on striving for more or striving for better often comes from their own script, whether it's from their own families or their own recovery journeys or whatever culture they were raised in. But just because somebody's striving for more does not equate to
Not being grateful. I mean, ambition,
yeah, ambition
Molly Bierman (05:25)
Or entitlement, right, right.
Jill Griffin (05:28)
can live in the same house as gratitude.
Molly Bierman (05:31)
Mm.
Jill Griffin (05:31)
Because
those two things, I actually think that my ambition is fueled by my gratitude, to be honest with you.
Molly Bierman (05:39)
who do you feel like or what narrative do you feel like you were taught that wanting more is greedy? Because I feel like that is so freaking common, especially as a woman. So I don't know if that also is on the men's side. I'd have to do a poll. But who taught you that wanting more is greedy?
Jill Griffin (05:58)
I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for. Maybe it'll come to me. But it's like it's almost seen as like you're not being the nice girl if you're comp actually, you know what? This reminds me of the whole narrative around being competitive when as a female growing up. Because I'm grappling with this with my daughter right now and seeing this happen in real time. And I saw a
Her being coached by a coach this week. And the coach said, When in my head, when I go out there, I'm beating everyone out there. I'm beating them all. But I'm not saying that to their face. I'm saying, hey, how are you? I'm nice. I'm I'm cheering them on. They're my teammates, whatever. But you're not gonna take my spot.
Molly Bierman (06:44)
Mm.
Jill Griffin (06:44)
Part of it, I think, is like these unspoken messages. I don't think anybody said anything to me growing up, but especially when I started struggling with addiction and my own narrative that like this is good enough. A lot of it was self-taught, I think, because I was in this delusion of like, this is as good as it gets.
Part of that is because I couldn't step into gratitude, I think. And that's where
Molly Bierman (07:07)
Mm.
Jill Griffin (07:08)
like the ambition living in the same house as gratitude, like I think for me, it fuels the ambition because when I was in that mentality of, man, everyone else is so lucky. Look at the opportunities they have or look how easy it is for them. Like I'm on the other side of that now. And I'm like, this shit ain't easy most days.
But I'm grateful for the struggle. I'm grateful for the hard days. I'm grateful for everything it's given me. And it's not always hard, right?
Molly Bierman (07:36)
So one thing you currently want that you feel like you're not allowed to want, what would you say that is? Present day.
Jill Griffin (07:45)
I want a lot of money in my bank account and I don't want to have to work real hard for it. I'm gonna be honest with you.
Like, and
Molly Bierman (07:50)
Ha ha ha.
Jill Griffin (07:52)
and and what I mean by that is like not that I don't put work in. It's just that like the work doesn't have to be a struggle. It doesn't have to feel like work. for me, if I add up all the hours in my week that I
Work, right? It's a lot. I mean, it's it's not nothing. But oftentimes it doesn't feel like work because I like doing it. Does that make sense? Like, I don't know.
Molly Bierman (08:16)
Yes.
Jill Griffin (08:17)
I used to work so much and be so resentful at how much time it took away from my family. And that felt harder to me than it does now. But if I look at it,
In a lot of ways it's probably the same amount of time.
Molly Bierman (08:29)
I think that what you're describing is the experience that I had today. So
one thing that I currently want that I feel like I'm not allowed to want is more experience with my kids while also being equally successful in my work, right?
And that to me been always kind of taught as a narrative, I believe, not necessarily from a direct person, but f as a culture, that you really can't have both. Like you're either the stay-at-home mom.
Jill Griffin (08:53)
You can't have both. Yeah.
Molly Bierman (08:55)
Or you're the or you're the workaholic. Like there's really no in between. So I am forging ahead with creating the new norm out here. And so if anyone has tips and tricks, please feel free to send them in. But what I'll was my first week back at work after traveling quite a bit over the summer. I ended up traveling roughly five weeks out of the summer, which was something that was really kind of
It
was really intentional to have experiences with my kids and family And what I thought this week coming back was like, my God, I gotta like hit the ground running and I have so many things I need to do. And the to-do list is extensive. What I really found this week was that.
The crisis really wasn't there. Like I showed up exactly the way that I needed to show up for my clients. I showed up exactly the way I needed to show up with my kids. I rode the wave. And I was like, God, like.
Sometimes the workload doesn't equate to the productivity and the, you know, synergy. That was like my biggest takeaway because I can grind. I can do 14 hour days, 15 hour days, right? Like I've done it. And
Jill Griffin (10:08)
Yeah.
Molly Bierman (10:09)
a lot of those days were not as productive as my six to seven hour days. They just weren't.
Jill Griffin (10:15)
Well, that's what I kind of mean though. Like, I don't know what it's like this running mantra in the back of my head lately of like, it gets to be easy. This doesn't, this is easy.
Molly Bierman (10:24)
Hmm.
Jill Griffin (10:25)
And it's just like for for me, let let me let me put it this way, because I feel like some people may have trouble understanding what I'm saying. I often get asked by women whether
In my DMs, whether it's you know in passing. Man, how do you work out so consistently? How do you get to the workout routine? How do you like they ask for my advice? Right? At this point, I get up and I do it. I follow my what is prescribed and I just I get up and do it. Now that
Molly Bierman (10:56)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (10:56)
doesn't mean that when I'm in the workout, it's always easy.
Molly Bierman (11:00)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (11:01)
And it doesn't
Molly Bierman (11:01)
Totally.
Jill Griffin (11:02)
mean that there aren't some days when I'm like, man, I would rather not do this. But those are the days that I will move my workout. Or I'm like, maybe today I need to skip my workout. Like, what I mean by it's easy is that the resistance isn't there anymore. When I first started this journey back into becoming like in shape and my fitness and health, I had to do a pep talk every day to get my ass out of bed. Like that.
That's the resistance I'm talking about. That's like the mental weight, the hard, like it felt hard. Now it doesn't feel hard because I'm just it's just part of what I do, right?
Molly Bierman (11:40)
Well, I also think that, you know, there's a lot of people that tend to fall into if I get this and I get this and I get that, or if I end up accomplishing this, that, or the third, you end up saying, that is enough, right? Like that's where we want to be. And I think what I'm most grateful for, thinking, you know, as we're talking this episode through, is that
We weren't able to sit in a space that said, okay, we're at enough now in the recovery space, right? Like there is no ending. There is no, you've
Jill Griffin (12:15)
No, it's just evolving.
Molly Bierman (12:17)
yeah, there's no like, you got, you know, a year of recovery and now you have successfully completed, and here's your report card and onward and have a great life, right?
Jill Griffin (12:29)
Yeah,
you don't get a diploma.
Molly Bierman (12:31)
You don't get a diploma, And so I think for me, that's really one of the biggest lessons and one of the most beneficial kind of themes in my life is that I don't have that anywhere in my life. Like this is enough.
Right.
Like there's always this drive to continue to improve and meet goals. And if you're improving, you're naturally gonna hire, you know, raise the bar. Right? Totally. So
Jill Griffin (12:52)
Level up. Level up. I mean, it
drives my husband nuts, but at
Molly Bierman (12:58)
Hmm.
Jill Griffin (12:58)
the end of the day, you don't get to keep who I am now and then also eliminate the ambition and the drive to want more. Like, this is part of who I am. It's just how it's when I was out there drinking and drugging, I wanted more all the time. So
We've now, we've now switched it to a healthy trajectory. but also like I really would like to give the permission slip to everyone listening today that if you have this internal message in your mind of like, I want more of this, you're you're in that present moment with whether it's you're with your kids or at work or at the gym or whatever, but you get that moment of clarity of like, man, I wish I could do this more often.
Molly Bierman (13:39)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (13:39)
Follow that. It's that's
information for you of what you want to build. Cause I will tell you, I remember my first family vacation when my children were little. We went to Mexico and I I even have it written down in a journal somewhere because I go back to it sometimes. And I wrote, I am going to do this multiple times a year. I want to do this more. And I have made that happen for myself. Like that's just been a priority.
Molly Bierman (14:04)
All right, speed round. Something you want that you're embarrassed to want.
Jill Griffin (14:09)
a world championship in fitness in one of my competitions.
Molly Bierman (14:13)
Mine is a chef.
Jill Griffin (14:17)
We are in different places with that, okay? Whose voice says you should be grateful?
Molly Bierman (14:23)
I know my dad is listening to this podcast. Dad, it's you.
Jill Griffin (14:29)
Not dad. You're not throwing him under the bus. Honestly,
Molly Bierman (14:33)
Yeah.
Jill Griffin (14:33)
it's honestly it's my aunt. It's my aunt for sure.
Molly Bierman (14:37)
And dad, maybe we need to unpack, you know, like who told him that, right? Because that comes from somewhere. So anyway, more money, more time, or more recognition, hardest to admit.
Jill Griffin (14:47)
I feel like more recognition is harder the hardest to admit. Like I wanna be recognized for something, which I think is why I said the first one is embarrassed. Like it's embarrassed for me to be like number one at this thing. I feel like it's because of the recognition.
Molly Bierman (15:00)
I agree. I think the recognition is hardest. Definitely.
Jill Griffin (15:03)
What do you downplay when people ask how it's going?
I downplay how successful I am sometimes. Like I like I don't
Molly Bierman (15:08)
I was gonna say this is s success. Yeah, totally. Totally. Totally.
Jill Griffin (15:12)
which is funny because the coach yesterday coaching my daughter was like, when you leave a game, you don't do it out on the team, but when you're with your your people, you let you let mom know, you let dad know. I crushed that today. And I'm like, you know what? We need to teach that more. Like just I didn't get taught, I didn't get taught that.
Molly Bierman (15:28)
Yeah, that's not yeah, that what we missed that memo as
our generation missed that boat, okay? Entirely. So,
Jill Griffin (15:37)
Yeah.
Molly Bierman (15:39)
yay for us.
Jill Griffin (15:40)
Yeah.
Molly Bierman (15:41)
Finish this sentence. I'm
Jill Griffin (15:41)
Finish the sentence.
Molly Bierman (15:45)
you go first.
Jill Griffin (15:45)
I'm allowed to want to slow down and be as successful as I currently am.
Or more.
Molly Bierman (15:52)
I'm allowed
to want both a robust professional life and a really amazing life with my kids.
Jill Griffin (16:02)
All right. Well I hope this resonated with somebody. Yeah.
Molly Bierman (16:03)
Wow, really spoke that into existence. Yeah, that
was good.
Jill Griffin (16:07)
So I hope everyone takes something out of this. Don't shrink for anybody. That's we call that loser behavior in my house, I'm not gonna lie. So we're we're out there, we're asking for more and it's okay to want more.
Molly Bierman (16:20)
Next week, come back, join us. Next Tuesday, we're gonna be speaking about partnership, what you stop saying out loud, and continue the conversation to raise the bar. Until next time, follow us on Instagram, YouTube. Our social media presence is growing and growing. We appreciate all the love, all the support.
please go like, subscribe, reshare, send this to a friend. And don't ask for permission this week. Until next time.
Jill Griffin (16:48)
Peace.
Molly Bierman (16:48)
Bye
