When There’s No Wiggle Room Left

Episode 48 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman

In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Jill and Molly unpack what it feels like when life becomes so full that there’s no wiggle room left.

From parenting and work responsibilities to friendships, routines, and everyday demands, they explore the emotional weight of trying to hold everything together while feeling like you’re underperforming in every area.

The conversation highlights the difference between productivity and capacity, the importance of recognizing personal limits, and how planning, boundaries, and self-awareness can help reduce overwhelm during demanding seasons of life.

This episode is a reminder that limited capacity does not mean failure, and that sometimes survival mode requires letting certain things go.

• TRANSCRIPTION

  Molly Bierman (00:22)

  Necessary. We are going to talk a little bit today about what does it mean when there's no wiggle room in the week? And for me, I think what that means is there's really not the opportunity to connect in the way that I want. There's not the ability for

  Jill Griffin (00:29)

  our dysfunction.

  Molly Bierman (00:43)

  conversations with friends that I wish I had the time for. I think it means that I am essentially just surviving to be a good parent

  I mean, there's a lot of times that it feels like my energy is just not capable of holding as much.

  Jill Griffin (01:02)

  Yeah, I feel no wiggle room for me is I think it's those weeks that most people think my life is like all the time. And what I mean by that is the most common question I am asked is, how do you do it all? And it's like the...

  There are those days and weeks that feel like I can't fit another thing in, another thing can't happen, like I don't have the capacity. But that feels very different. I capacity is the word for it. It means that am on from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed. It means that I don't have the support on certain things to hand anything off. Like I am owning a lot. I have to see it through. I'm the one that's responsible. And that's just how it is.

  Molly Bierman (01:39)

  Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

  Jill Griffin (01:49)

  For me in those weeks, I have to name it for what it is. Like, this is one of those, we're just in it. We're just in it today, and we're just gonna have to put our head down and grind and get through it.

  Molly Bierman (01:57)

  Thank you.

  I think that a lot of times when I'm in a place of like, where I am probably right now is that the seasons also contribute to the no wiggle room, right? So if work is really chaotic, if it's warmer weather, if sports are picking up, whatever that means, it really is a cumulative no wiggle room between personal and professional. So.

  I don't know, I mean, what do you think? I feel like a lot of times those weeks feel really impossible in a lot of ways. They feel, I feel like I'm underperforming in all areas. I think that's really what a no-wiggle week feels like in a lot of ways. That I, yeah, I feel like I'm just underperforming.

  Jill Griffin (02:40)

  That landed. That landed.

  So, for me, I a lot of times recognize when my husband is traveling, that tends to be a no wiggle room week or days for me just because the things that I have to shift take away from other parts of my life, right?

  I will say that I have gotten better at planning around that and we can talk about like kind of what are the non-negotiables, what are the things we have to do.

  What I see happening a lot is if I don't plan ahead and get myself situated and use that Sunday before one of those weeks, if I don't look ahead at my calendar and say, oof, I don't have a lot of wiggle room, I don't have a lot of space in my calendar, is there stuff I can take off? Or is there stuff that I can prepare today so that I don't feel as stressed out throughout the week?

  Molly Bierman (03:38)

  also have noticed that because I historically have not had a non wiggle room week, right? Like I think that really did change when I had my second child. I have noticed that things that I am, I can't remember who it was that I was with, but they looked at my phone and they were like, I'm sorry, you have.

  60 unread text messages. I mean, right now I have 52, I think. No, sorry, I have 72. Part of those probably came in since I've been recording today, but on average, I have about 40 to 50 unread texts. And it's not that I've unread them either. Sometimes it's just that I've read them and I'm like, if I don't scroll back and make it unread, like I will forget. I will forget how to respond to this person and it will get lost.

  four months. you know, I, the no-wiggle room for me is also what is priority at any given point in that week? And some things are just not a priority. And I guess I can give examples, right? A priority is more of like a casual text conversation, more of like a reconnection, more of a, you know, reaching out, maybe low level commitments that people want me to attend. Like those are out, you know, I mean,

  things of that nature, not to say they don't matter, but if I am stacked in other ways and I have to give energy for a lot of my clients or I have to give a lot of energy for my kids that week or I have to give a lot of energy to extended family, then yeah, some of those other things are going to take a backseat. And having to say no, you know, on the no wiggle room, I think that's something that we talked about in previous episodes, right? Is if it's not a full body, yes, it's a no. That's very helpful, especially in your no wiggle room weeks.

  Jill Griffin (05:19)

  So I've really been messing around with an auto-reply email about people.

  Molly Bierman (05:26)

  I got one, I

  was annoyed. I was annoyed that I got your auto-reply email. I was like, wow, I'm not exempt. You didn't put in, Claude, that I should not be getting an auto-reply?

  Jill Griffin (05:30)

  Yeah.

  Interesting. But then in the same breath, did everyone else hear Molly talk about how casual text conversation she's not responding to? So she's also leaving me unread in that 72 people. So just gonna call it what it is. ⁓ She wants to be on my exempt list, though. No, it goes to everybody. If you send me an email, if this is urgent, this is what the email basically says.

  I am batching my emails. So if this is urgent, text me. It does not leave my phone number because if you don't have my phone number, that means it's not urgent to make it to my phone.

  Molly Bierman (06:13)

  Touche,

  I should have dusted you with sirens.

  Jill Griffin (06:16)

  Because here's the reality, if I spend my day responding to email that come through as they come in, I'm scattered. I'm dead in the water on those weeks. Like, I need to put that away message up so that people have the expectation, you're going to wait because this is not urgent. And if it is, you know how to get a hold of me. Please feel free to reach out and I will be responsive.

  Molly Bierman (06:28)

  Totally, totally.

  Jill Griffin (06:42)

  But I can't be all things to all people every day. And so in those weeks, it's like, I need to really put bumpers around access to me. That's really what it is. It's like, I have to say, OK, I am actually not available at these times. If you need me, this is what it's going to look like. My

  Molly Bierman (06:53)

  Yeah, yeah.

  Jill Griffin (07:03)

  My little wiggle room week was actually a week when I was onboarding two new key staff members at one of my businesses. And it was messy. It did not look the way that I think we would have liked it to look. But I will say that the feedback we got from both of those staff is that they were like, wow, you guys really have your stuff together here. And I was like, part of that is all the planning that I do ahead of time, that there's a strategy, there's a

  There's a process, right? Like I'm sending their structure. But there were days where I was like, hey, gotta go. I'll be at a game. If you need help, just call me. And I was on a call at a softball game, walking them through something. And it's like, that's just how it was, right? Like I couldn't be there in person, and I can't be all things to all people. But.

  Sometimes I'm willing to accommodate those communications. Sometimes I say, is something that's going to have to wait till tomorrow. Like, I know what it seems like, but it is what it is.

  Molly Bierman (07:59)

  Yeah, I mean, there's many a times that being able to capitalize on technology and the convenience of things now that we're in a different time and space with no wiggle room weeks is immensely helpful. One of the things that popped up on this episode though was

  wearing the same outfit twice, and that would be a hard no for me. I don't care how little wiggleroom I have in one week, there is no possible chance I'm wearing the same outfit twice.

  Jill Griffin (08:28)

  love doing that. I am going to be in a different place with different people, I'm 1,000 % wearing the same thing again. And also, I have like my, I would say like a uniform. Listen, Steve Jobs did this all the time. He wore the same outfit all the time because it reduces decision fatigue. I don't give a shit. I think it's part of my ADHD. Maybe it's my neuro spicy brain.

  Molly Bierman (08:47)

  understand it. I understand it. I understand it. I just can't get behind it.

  Jill Griffin (08:56)

  Wearing if I honestly could just wear the same thing every day and nobody would say anything about it Specifically molly because she would definitely say something about it. She'd like didn't you wear that yesterday? I've been better guys. I've been better

  Molly Bierman (09:09)

  You have, but I will

  say too, that I spoke with somebody last night, one of my girlfriends, who again, this is a perfect example. We've had a lot of no wig over a week. She's in a new job. She's kicking ass. She's thriving. She's got two kids, same ages as mine. And we picked up the phone for one another and we're like, my God, are you still alive? It's so nice to talk to you. Cause we had been missing each other for, you know, she would try, I would try, she would try, I would try. And again, that's also so relieving that it's like,

  If we catch each other, great. And if we don't, then we'll try again, right? There's no pressure around that. And so I ended up talking to her last night and she was like, my God, I started using Nuuly. And I was like, do you know that I've been on Nuuly for a couple of months? She goes, no. And I was like, yes. So that again, for your no wiggle room weeks who feel the pressure of, my God, I have to replace shoes for kids and clothes. And you know, then you have to think about yourself too. Nuuly for clothes rentals, 10 out of 10 recommend.

  Jill Griffin (09:43)

  Yeah.

  Yeah, I do rent the runway, but same deal. So what are the non-negotiables? Like what stays in your routine no matter what? Like that protects not to optimize because we've already said this is, we are not really performing at a 10, at a 10 anywhere. We are just trying to survive and protect ourselves.

  Molly Bierman (10:08)

  Mm-hmm.

  What is non-negotiable? I feel like I have a bunch. My first non-negotiable is prayer and meditation in the morning, no matter what.

  Jill Griffin (10:35)

  See, I will say that.

  I do some quiet time, but I will say it does not land the same. Because I'm sometimes going right when I wake up, I'm like coffee and I'm off to the races if I wake up like that.

  Molly Bierman (10:46)

  It doesn't always look

  the same. It doesn't always look the same. That's what I'm saying. But it's some level of connection, prayer mentation. I'm not saying that the routine looks the exact same, but I'm connecting in some way, right? Obviously, you know that because you get my inventories. But so sometimes for like weeks on end, that's what I'm saying. So I didn't do one today. I owe you one. I owe you one. So prayer mentation in some form connection.

  Jill Griffin (10:56)

  Okay.

  Not every day. Not every day. ⁓

  I didn't either.

  Molly Bierman (11:09)

  Another non-negotiable, some level of movement, again, may not look like I'm in a very different season of life than Jill, right? Like still inconsistent sleep patterns, just body in general recovering and just getting back online and hormones and all the sorts of like fun stuff that happened postpartum after kids. So my physical routine looks very different ⁓ and can vary very much differently on day to day, but especially in the nice weather, some level of movement.

  movement, whether that's a walk, whether that's lifting, whether that's jumping on the peloton because it's easy and convenient. And then I would say

  being cognizant of how I'm nourishing my body, even if it means I'm door dashing, or even if it means that I have to do carry out, right? Still paying attention to the level of like protein and hydration and, you know, cause if I'm not paying attention to those things, my no wiggle room weeks are really gonna combust pretty quick. So those would probably be my three that are fairly top of mind.

  and sleep. My sleep is always fairly consistent. I mean, if my kids wake me up, but I try to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time, no matter, you know, within within an hour of each other.

  Jill Griffin (12:18)

  would say my biggest one is staying on my fitness routine. am consistent with that no matter where I am in the world

  I will be competing in the high rocks in the next few weeks. So I am in a season where I am not really able to afford myself like days off when I feel like I could use it. I also feel like because I've been working out five, six days a week consistently for so long, if I don't stay in that routine is very grounding and stabilizing for me because it's something that no matter what I'm doing. ⁓

  I would say water is a big thing for me that I have to make sure that I'm drinking enough water because in those no wiggle room weeks, caffeine will sneak up. I mean, I already drink an excessive amount of caffeine, but if I'm not drinking enough water to balance that out, like, we're going to have some problems. So that is definitely a big deal. And then my bedtime. So.

  oftentimes, especially if Alan's traveling, sometimes I'm waking up even earlier than I normally do to get what I need to get done uninterrupted in the morning. I protect my sleep no matter what. If Alan ever comes on here, he will probably tell you that I care more about my sleep than him some weeks. ⁓

  That's definitely those three things. Like, I just know myself and I know that if I'm not getting enough sleep, my no wiggle room weeks will turn into a disaster for not just myself, but everyone around me. I just don't function well.

  Molly Bierman (13:55)

  Right. And most women don't actually, and there's a lot of studies out there and maybe we talk a little bit about sleep in an upcoming episode, ⁓ especially as it correlates to hormones.

  What is one way that we can drop something in our no wiggle room weeks to be able to survive? What would you give permission to?

  Jill Griffin (14:16)

  So next week will be a big no wiggle room week for me. will be flying solo for five days. And truly solo because my usual help is not going to be around. So I have zero clients scheduled next week. So permission to disappoint people and say no. I...

  have blocked out my calendar to take care of myself. I'm going to get a massage midpoint of this thing. I'm just going to go offline because I'm just going to need it, take a little nap maybe during that massage. So permission to still take care of yourself. think there's a pressure to do it all when

  It's like all on us, but I also think like sometimes, sometimes I have to slow down to speed up. Most times I do.

  Molly Bierman (15:05)

  Also being able to ask for help where help can be provided. So I know for me, there was one other area of my no wiggle room weeks where today was one of them. We had returned from vacation, I was home for two days, I had to travel for two days, fly to a location for work for two days, then return, knew I had to stack clients at the end of the week. so I capitalized my childcare, actually there's a lot of flexibility where

  you can do drop in early drop offs and you don't have to be committed for the whole year. again, like finding out where are there avenues that you can utilize. for the little bit extra to give me a little bit of relief and make sure that the machine keeps on running, ⁓ has been super helpful. And today was one of those days, you know, and so making sure also that I'm communicating that with my kids when that's appropriate to like, Hey, tomorrow's gonna look a little different, you know,

  And this is why.

  Jill Griffin (15:59)

  Yeah, one thing that actually just came up that has made a big difference is like, I am going to take some time to my, I need a lot of alone time to recharge. And so I started doing that preemptively to these like, when I know, okay, this is just gonna be one of those weeks, whether it's a heavy travel week, whether it's I'm solo parent, whatever it is, a lot of work stuff happening.

  So I have built in time where like I'm going to get a manicure and a pedicure tomorrow. I'm gonna go grocery shopping by myself. Like I'm just gonna take some time by myself to recharge because I feel like that also helps me just kind of go into it in a grounded way versus a scattered like unprepared way too.

  Molly Bierman (16:40)

  Well, in closing, we would love to see if you guys can drop us a DM and tell us what you're giving yourself permission to drop this week. This will give us ideas, topics for conversation, and if you drop some different quotes or permission slips for yourself, we will post them on social and highlight them, obviously, anonymously. So feel free to drop them in our Instagram. Feel free to sign up for our email.

  Blast which will be coming out and give us a like and follow on all the platforms that you guys see us on Thank you so much, and we'll see you next time

  Jill Griffin (17:14)

  Peace.