Owning Her Story: Jill Griffin on Hitting Rock Bottom, Learning to Lead, and Speaking Her Truth
Episode 2 with Jill and Molly
Ever feel like your past is holding you back? It doesn't have to. In this behind the scenes episode, Jill Griffin shares her story. From hustling Kool-Aid packets on the school bus, to surviving the darkest moments of addiction, to becoming the CEO of thriving businesses, her toughest experiences became her greatest strengths.
You'll learn why stepping into your power means owning every part of your story, why filling your own cup is a game changer, and why you should never ask permission to live authentically. Your past doesn't define you, it empowers you.
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Molly Bierman 0:00
Welcome to no permission necessary. The show where we rewrite the rules and say the things that most people won't no permission necessary, empowers our listeners to thrive in every aspect of life where mental wellness, professional success and authentic living seamlessly coexist. Let's dismantle that, that outdated belief that success requires sacrificing our own well being. I'm Molly Bierman, partner of yes family consulting,
Jill Griffin 0:27
and I'm Jill Griffin, founder of Inspire recovery in Connecticut, and co founder and CEO of waterview behavioral health. And today I'm stepping into the hot seat to share my story from six starting a business with six clients and zero plan, and, you know, everything before and after that. So I'm pulling back the curtain. Let's get into it. I am
Molly Bierman 0:53
so excited about this. I was actually like looking at some of, you know, the questions last night and getting prepared for this episode, and really was like, this is going to be an authentic episode, really vulnerable, really in your face at times. Yeah, I'm excited to kind of hear maybe things that I don't necessarily know too, you know, like, I know like, I know this is for the listeners, but I feel like some of the questions you posed, yeah, can really give us a lot of insight into your story. So let's get into so for the listeners, I have a list of questions here, and I'm going to kind of hop around to kind of keep Jill on her toes, and hopefully this is going to flow in a way that feels right for her to share parts of her that feel vulnerable. Yeah. So let's get into the first question. So what's one thing about your upbringing that shaped who you are today, but you've never shared publicly that feels a little boy on the first question?
Jill Griffin 1:59
Oh boy. Well, I guess to give a little background, like, I grew up in in Connecticut, in a small town with two loving parents who are still married. So like, I had a lot of and I shared this before, but like, my mother was in a leadership role when she went back into the workforce, my father was in a leadership role growing up, and I've always been very headstrong. In fact, well, I haven't really shared this publicly, but since having a daughter, my parents always say that she's just like me, except Nice. That's the end of it. Yep. So you know, I think I just have always had this hard kind of edge around me, and what I think that translates into is like, I'm always brutally honest, even if people don't want to hear the truth, like I'm always saying those things. But I was thinking about kind of my entrepreneurial journey, and my brother's also an entrepreneur. I remember, this is wild, but I remember, in probably fourth or fifth grade, I used to go on the bus. I would, I would create these baggies of Kool Aid and sugar mix and sell them to my classmates on the bus. Okay, like that was a side hustle I had when I was like, What 11. So I feel like this is just like in my blood, like I just, I had that entrepreneurial spirit from a young age. And I also was in leadership roles, like I was, I was one of those, like, class presidents. I ran for class president. I was involved in Mothers Against Drunk Driving in high school, which is very ironic considering my journey. So yeah, I also think if you know things that have shaped me that I haven't talked about publicly, it's like, well, what's public, right? I feel like this is much more public than I've shared my story, and I don't want to really get into it, but, you know, I started drinking and smoking weed at age 12, so like that, hustling cool, hustling Kool Aid and smoking weed. So I feel like that, and now that I have a children that are getting towards that age, it's like, that is still a child.
Molly Bierman 4:27
That is a child. I was listening to a friend yesterday on a podcast, and she was talking about her child, who's 12, going to be 13, and how she had started using substances at age 12, and she looks at her daughter and is like, that is truly a child, right? Like, it is a different experience when you're on the other side. I will say, though, for some synergy, here is that I would do hair wraps at my pool club on kids for five bucks a pop.
Jill Griffin 4:57
There you go. So, yeah, we had. It in us. We were always hustling. We were
Molly Bierman 5:02
hustling. We were hustling. Okay, when did you realize you were different, or maybe felt like not a part of how did you handle it? I guess both kid, you know, both as a child and as an adult, because I feel like we kind of go through that in both spaces, right? We have that feeling that we may not totally fit in, or we're not sure of ourselves, right, as a kid. And then also, I feel like we go through a second transition in young adulthood, and then almost a third transition in adulthood, right? So, anyway, I'll let you answer.
Jill Griffin 5:43
So what comes up for me when you ask me that is, you know, my, my, well, going back to starting to use substances at age 12, right? Like I was in my first treatment center at 17, I got my I got my letters accepting me into college in rehab, right? So I think in terms of what sets me apart, like I definitely was doing things in high school, I was very much a chameleon, like I I was an A student, I was a varsity athlete, I was all of those things front facing, but I had this double life where I was doing things that, like high school students shouldn't have been doing okay, like that. That's the bottom line. And so I remember the drug and alcohol counselor at the time is the person who in our school is a person who got me into treatment, and I ended up going into into treatment at 17. And so like that right there kind of set me apart. And I think even using substances to begin with, like you feel a little bit like, I'm I don't feel right. I think I always say that substance use is a symptom, right? It's a symptom. It's you're trying to get relief in some way, right? And that works until it doesn't. So I think I was always feeling like a little bit different. I did get bullied when I was younger for being chubby. There was a lot of that. I remember, there was a lot of mean girl stuff going on, called names, accused of things like, a lot of just stuff that I went through as a child. And then, like, fast forward to when I got sober at 24 I remember, like, here I am a young adult, the people around me had now excelled, they've graduated college, they're in their careers. Here I am a college dropout on probation, just getting sober, figuring out what the hell I'm gonna do. You know, so, like, I was certainly different. Then
Molly Bierman 7:37
it's so interesting the parallels, because I on the other hand. And I know that there's women who are like, Oh, cry me a river. Like, poor problem to have, right? But I was bullied on the other side for being like, so thin, right? Like, I couldn't keep weight on. I had, you know, I couldn't fit into clothes. They never looked right on me. I always felt insecure about it. And I've talked to some friends too who have daughters that are built in that way, just really lean, and how sad it is to kind of hear their their struggles, right? And I
Unknown Speaker 8:08
body, that's a thing,
Jill Griffin 8:10
that's a real thing for a woman. That's a real thing for a woman. In fact, like, you know, there's, there's statistics around how your looks kind of propel you in career, even in leadership, like, I think, like, if you look a certain way, like you're going to get farther. And that's like, that's really, like, jarring, because it's like, I know I went through a period, and I don't know if this will come up, but like, I went through a period after I had my kids where, like, I really struggled with weight again. And, you know, in terms of self confidence, and that spills over into your confidence doing everything else in life.
Molly Bierman 8:44
Totally, yeah, everything, yeah. I think that's a good point to just bring up, because I feel like a lot of times we're not, we're not going back to those places, right? So this is good for us to kind of get into the nitty gritty of what what was and what shaped us, because a lot of that stuff is really painful, right? So we're going to be kind of pulling back the curtain here to go to some places that maybe we haven't even thought about, right in a really long time.
Jill Griffin 9:13
And honestly, like I've done a lot of work around those things, and I can look back now and really see that all of those things, it was almost like an initiation. Right That period of my life, between 12 and 24 when I was just I was completely lost to substances. My true essence was turned off. My authentic self was turned off. I was hiding in the shadows. I was doing things. I mean, it brought me to some dark places, like, I'm not going to go through my whole story, but the reality is, like I chose to live on the streets for a while. I slept in abandoned buildings with no electricity. I chose not to go home because I refused to get help. I, you know, multiple arrests. Just just really grimy way of living that I I look back now and I am able to understand people in those similar situations now in such a different way, and hold space and have compassion and really speak to them in a different way. Because when you look at me now, nobody assumes that those are the things that I lived through or have been through, right? So like I do feel like it's a very big responsibility that I have now to share some of that, because it is you are able to elevate past that, but it was an initiation. And then I had to get to work when I turned 24 and I made the decision to give up drugs and alcohol, I had to get to work. To work, and so that's what I've been doing. This is
Molly Bierman 10:45
a really good segue into this question, which I love, because it happened really organically. What would you what title would you give that chapter of your life that led you to this
Jill Griffin 10:59
Oh, Ratchet shit. Like it was just, it was just like, there are people in my life that know this right, because I have this support system and I don't have shame around these things anymore, but that part of my life, it is I have lived another life at this point, because that one actor was an entirely different person that lived that life totally, and I and that person still lives in me, and I honor that person, because honestly, that person and those lessons that I learned and those experiences I've been through, shaped me into who I am today, and some of that grit I bring into my my leadership roles now I bring into my business, yeah, but I also know that I would never accept that type of behavior or stuff in my life today, like I'm worth more than that. And I don't think I had that belief then, which is why I was doing stuff. You kind of
Molly Bierman 12:02
got to be careful of that part of you, because that part of you can get loud pretty quick, right? And and really say, I can do this all on my own, right? Like, I don't need a team. I don't need connection, right? Like, there's this level of survival that happened during that portion of your life that really you did survive independently of a lot of interventions, right? And so it gives this kind of false sense of security, almost that when you start to turn the page in your own life, and you create and cultivate this beautiful, robust life that you have, that I've been able to have a front row seat in since the day you got sober, essentially, and be able to watch you evolve from the sidelines for a period of time, and then really take a front row in the last some odd years, and really knowing that it's still easy to say I'm all set, like, when people push up on those
Jill Griffin 13:05
soft Oh, I can go there. I can still go there. And I'm not talking about like I'm popping off, and you're gonna see me like, out in the street fighting somebody, right? It's not gonna get to that point, but it just there can still be that edge to me. And I think stepping into the professional role and really using that, honoring that self, that shadow self, that part of me that has that in me, and bringing it in so I can, like, use it as a a confidence booster and but I have to, I have to tame that part of me sometimes, you know what's funny, I did The tarot card reading yesterday, yeah, which is sadly, powerful. And so I did the tarot card reading. And one of the cards that came up was the this woman, and with a with a lion, which you, you all can't see, but I have a huge lion tattoo on me. I identify a lion as, like very much, my spirit animal like that is I identify with that hard and the woman was like, this kind of represents that you've tamed. You've tamed that lion that like part of you, that like was reckless and just didn't care, and, you know, and she doesn't know anything about me, right? And I just really resonated with that, because that's what it is, that part of me is still there. And I think in the recovery space, we always say, like, you're an arm length away from from picking up again. And that's the reality. Because if I go back to that mindset that I had during those years of I got this this delusional thought that, like, everything's okay. The house was on fire. It had already burned down, and I was sleeping on top of it and thinking that that was just normal, right? So,
Unknown Speaker 14:48
yeah, the ash, absolutely. The ash unwell
Jill Griffin 14:51
in every sense. Yeah.
Molly Bierman 14:53
Well, I mean this, you know. So what is when we talk about all the risk and the road? Rebellion that you had when you were young, and the resilience that you've kind of carried through to be able to show up in spaces like this, right? Because this is vulnerable risk taking the opposite of safe, the most extreme opposite of safe, what is a expectation that you feel like you've had to unlearn in order to get, you know, to get here, in order to grow.
Jill Griffin 15:27
I think, I don't know if this answers the question, but what comes to mind is, I deserve more. I don't know, like I almost had to unlearn I was accepting things in my life that were unacceptable, whether that was keeping people, it sounds like, yeah, whether that was the people in my life, whether that was the things I was doing and participating in, whether that was what I thought I was capable of, like I really had to, I had to let go of that, because I there was a part of me on some level that believe this is all I'm gonna get. This is all I deserve. This is all I'm worth. And I think as that evidence showed up, like, if I do the next right thing, the next right thing happens, and if I keep honestly what it's kind of like the North Star for me. Like if I look at what my North Star is, which is, what is my authentic self, staying true to myself, and what's my purpose here? What's What's God the universe like, what's the grand plan here? Am I? Am I on track with that? And for me, it took me years to get in touch with that, but my gut, very much tells me if I'm on that track or not. And I think I turned that off for a really long time when I was in that chapter of my life, because I knew the things I was doing was against how I was raised. It was against my values. I it just they weren't they were dangerous in many ways. And I turned that gut feeling off because I didn't want to hear it. I was doing it anyway. So now, when I get that gut feeling, it's, it's a pause. That's a moment to pause. Are you? Are you still in line with your North Star? Are you still doing? What is that to be doing? What
Molly Bierman 17:13
is that purpose for you? Now, you know, so
Jill Griffin 17:17
I really feel, I I feel like I'm a teacher in a lot of ways. I feel like and I think this is where I stepped into a leadership role from really early on. I like mentoring people. I like being able to share what I know with other people and kind of bring them up, bring them up to where they belong. Really. I think a lot of people have, whether that's imposter syndrome or self esteem issues or whatever, I really have a good vision of people's like possibility really, right? And so I think part of, I think it
Molly Bierman 17:54
goes back to that saying I have a clear perspective on your life. You have a clear perspective on my life, but we don't have a clear perspective on our own right, and how powerful that is, because you really can't see yourself clearly, right? The glasses are always a little blur. Yes, right? Yeah,
Jill Griffin 18:13
yeah. So I, and I, it's too cliche to say, like my purpose is to help people. Yeah, I'm a social worker. I'm an alcohol and drug counselor. I own businesses that are people businesses, they help people. That's the whole goal, right? But my purpose is bigger than that. I really feel that everyone listening here may not have been their story may not be the same, but I don't care who you are. Every human being has challenges that they have to overcome to step into their best selves. And I feel like part of my purpose here is to share my story of redemption so that other people can take some courage from that to say, like, this is on me to change this, because at the end of the day, no one's coming to save you.
Molly Bierman 18:56
No one is coming to save you. Yeah,
Jill Griffin 18:59
the truth you need to, you need to save yourself, make a decision that you're going to do something different,
Molly Bierman 19:04
yeah, and leveling up in that way. I mean, we talked about that a lot, right? And being around people that want that for you too, right? It's not that people, nobody's coming to save you, because you can have community, right? So just to be clear, like we have,
Jill Griffin 19:18
but you have to want it, but you have to want it there, that helping be there.
Molly Bierman 19:23
Need to do it right. There's a lot of people who want to do it. There's a lot of people who probably need to do it,
Jill Griffin 19:28
but there's not a lot of people who actually do it right. Yeah. And I will also say what just came up for me is that part of my life has really the risks and that I take now and the entrepreneurial space, and leaving my job and all these things that I've encountered over the last 10 ish years, I know that, like I would have to fall so far to go back to that place. It's almost like the worst case scenario. That could happen in my life today. Couldn't even touch the worst case scenario that I already lived. So I'm more willing to take risks, because I'm never my bottom has raised up where I'm like, Yeah, I could tolerate that. I used to sleep in cars. Okay, so that's not gonna bother me.
Molly Bierman 20:17
We talk about that a lot. We talk about that a lot that the level of bottom that one experiences based on the consequences of their life and their decisions or the decisions of others, right? I liked how a friend of mine had said, trauma is something that either happened to you that wasn't supposed to happen, or something you didn't receive, that you were supposed to, essentially. And I love that, because really, every story is different, right? Your Own Story, your own consequences, your own pain, whatever it is, and you're absolutely right for us to go back to those dark days, that's a far fall.
Jill Griffin 21:03
It's not out of the realm of possibility if I stop doing the things that I need to do, right? I'm very aware and humbled in that respect. However, the risk if I take now, yeah, if my businesses went poof and they totally fell flat and failed tomorrow, it's like, All right, what's next? Because I'm still not back where I used to be. I'm still, you
Molly Bierman 21:23
still also need that as an entrepreneur too, right? Because we talk about, I think there's quite a bit of statistics on, you know, starting businesses and then them failing, right? Or Yes, not having the longevity or getting out of the infant, since infancy stage of business, right? And what does that look like? And, you know, roles are going to reverse here on the next episode where Jill is going to interview me. But you know, some of the challenges that I faced in, you know, starting a business and seeing it through to acquisition, and all the things that I grappled with in that process, right, that there was a lot of risk that I had to take. And how do we, how do we create community around the risk? So that way, if there is the fall, there's also we
Jill Griffin 22:07
have a net. Yeah, we have a net too. Totally. What?
Molly Bierman 22:13
So I digress there. What is? Well, I already, I feel like I know the answer to this, but tell us about a time that you walked away from something good, because it wasn't right for
Jill Griffin 22:23
you. That would have to be my clinical director job. Yeah, totally. I mean, I
Molly Bierman 22:29
share with listeners,
Jill Griffin 22:30
yeah. So I started in this industry. My first internship was at this agency, and I loved it. I love doing crisis work. I love working with really sick people. That says a lot about me. I understand that, but I I always tell people like I have so much respect for like kindergarten teachers or or people who work with children, I say, give me a psychotic substance using adult all day, every day, to work with. I that probably scares you, but a room full of kids, I'm going, I'm gonna lose it, that's not gonna work for me, right? So that's my those are my people. I really love doing that work, and I was licensed pretty quickly after I graduated 10 years ago and was hired into a director role, and I kind of moved up the the ladder there, and we opened up the first crisis, residential, private pay, commercially insured program there. Really was excited about some of the things going on, and I was promoted to clinical director. It was one of those things where I was really proud of that. And I remember at the time, my husband had a trip to Italy that for work, and I was like, I'm definitely coming Italy's like a bucket list. Still haven't been there. Spoiler alert, I ended up giving up my ticket to Italy because I felt a responsibility to this newly, you know, new program, and I was pregnant with my second during that opening and everything. I remember coming back from maternity leave early the earlier than I wanted to, my choice to come back, my choice to come back, but I distinctly remember taking phone calls a week after giving birth about staffing issues, about and I felt that loyalty there. You know, I feel like there was a big void, because we just opened this program, and now I'm out, and people still relied on me, and people still needed me, and I kind of put my foot down around some of the things that I wanted, and that was really my first experience with no this is my worth. This is what I'm asking for. And it was really asking for more responsibility. I wanted to do certain things and have certain conversations. And I remember telling my boss at the time, having that conversation with him, and he was, you know, on the executive team ahead of me, and he looked at me and he said, I feel like you're trying to take my job. And it wasn't like a compliment, it wasn't a positive thing. It was very much in this like, accusatory fashion. And I remember leaving his office that day and really sitting with that comment because it rubbed me the wrong way, one because, as a mentor now and as a supervisor of other staff, I want you to want my job. I want you to be better than me. I want you to be able to take what I'm teaching
Molly Bierman 25:22
you to outwork me. I mean, yes, to tell the I
Jill Griffin 25:25
want. I want you to want my job. I want you to take my Take it from me, right? Because it keeps me on my toes, right? Yeah, so 100% and I also had to look at it and be like, wait a second, you're a vice president, and you're answering phone calls. 24/7, your you know the balance is all off. You're getting calls in the middle of the night. I had three phones at 1.2 work phones in my personal phone. I had a nervous system like reaction every time my phone rang. And so I remember saying, I actually don't want your job. And I left. I had zero plan. I had six clients in my private practice at the time. I had this little rinky dink office. I had six clients. How old were your kids? My kids were five. Let's say four and one, yeah, my kids were four and one. No plan. Gave up this great salary with benefits to and thank God. My husband was supportive of that and didn't think it was crazy, you know. And I had him as a support, but I got a I started moonlighting at the psychiatric hospital, and, like, I'm talking, you're going from like, to, like, a quarter of my salary at that point, at best. Yeah, I just jumped out of the plane with no parachute. That's essentially what happened.
Molly Bierman 26:56
Yeah, but the reward, right? Like, that's what we're talking about here. We're talking about risk. We're talking about things that don't make sense, that you don't have the crystal ball right, like we it was
Jill Griffin 27:07
a leap of faith. It felt right. Going back to that gut feeling, I knew my gut was saying staying here doesn't feel right, and I have to do something different. And I wasn't willing to wait to figure out what that next move was. I just had to cut ties. And I've said this before, but thank God I left, because that was December 2019, I wouldn't have been able to leave once the world shut down with the pandemic. I don't believe so the timing worked out. And to be clear, you know, inspire recovery now. We have a ton of staff. I have 13 offices. I have 18 clinicians. That was not the plan, that was not the vibe, that wasn't the plan. I didn't even if you asked me, then I would have been like, No, I'm done managing people. I'm just gonna work by myself. But what happened was I got really lonely working by myself.
Molly Bierman 27:59
So if you were to kind of summarize that experience in one fell swoop, one sentence, what would it be?
Jill Griffin 28:12
A sentence?
Molly Bierman 28:13
Yeah, from agency to freedom, essentially, I just gave you a sentence, but
Jill Griffin 28:20
take the leap of faith. Yep, that's I it was all a faith based, faith based decision. Bottom line, I believed in myself more than than my need to stay there, like I just knew I would figure
Molly Bierman 28:36
it out. Yeah? And I remember having conversations with you and you're like, Yeah, I'm just gonna Smart Start a, like, small little practice. Maybe one clinician is gonna come work for me. I was like, that sounds great.
Jill Griffin 28:47
Here we are, and here we are. Here we are.
Molly Bierman 28:50
So as far as the title to our podcast, we went through a lot of titles.
Jill Griffin 29:00
We a lot of criticism from friends and family. Might I add?
Molly Bierman 29:03
Yeah, a lot of criticism, a lot of opinion, a lot of opinion. And why do you feel like the title speaks to us, to you? What does no permission necessary mean? And, yeah. How do you feel like it aligns our journeys and our time to land here,
Jill Griffin 29:31
I feel like no permission necessary really speaks to not needing to ask to be your best self and to be your authentic self, right? Like we don't need permission to express whatever that looks like. And it's taken a really long time through this initiation and through this whole growth trajectory we've been on, both of us, since we've gotten so. Over and then getting into this professional world, really growing into who we are, then becoming wives, then becoming mothers, like all of these roles and part of who we are, like our identity has shifted right in a lot of ways, and but our true essence, essence and who we are authentically as people that's still there despite those identities. And so I think so. I think it's like there's no permission necessary for us to have to show up like that. I'm not going to ask you if you're comfortable with who I am. I'm comfortable, and that's what matters.
Molly Bierman 30:43
Bottom line, hard for people though. Let's talk about it. You know, like that is hard for people to say, I don't care about your opinion.
Jill Griffin 30:57
There's a lot of things when it comes to your healing and what's best for you other people's I'll talk speak for me when it comes to my healing. What's best for me and my family? Your opinion has no space here. Your opinion is not welcome. That doesn't mean I am an avid reader. I listen to podcast, I consume information at a rate that is probably maniacal at this point, like I It really is. I just I absorb a lot of information. So it's not like I am not seeking opinions, but when you think that your opinion should be changing my direction in my life that I know is my is what's best for me. That's where we are going to have to definitely disagree. I
Molly Bierman 31:49
remember when I was coming up with the names for our kids. Lot of opinion. Okay, I come from an opinionated family, as is, which is, I think, where I probably get a lot of my strength, but also a lot of
Jill Griffin 32:06
my defect. Molly is unfiltered. You will find I
Unknown Speaker 32:11
am the unfiltered friend, but I feel like you are too No,
Jill Griffin 32:15
I definitely am. I'll, yes,
Molly Bierman 32:18
yeah, I feel like that's why it works. But, you know, there was a lot of folks that wanted to give me opinion, which is interesting, because I feel like sometimes that there's like, a little bit of a barrier for people. They feel a little intimidated to be able to share their opinion with me, which I don't love. I want people to feel in community with me. So it's something that I've actually felt like I've had to soften over these years, especially becoming a mom and like in being introduced to new women that don't know me.
Unknown Speaker 32:42
Yes, for sure,
Molly Bierman 32:45
that is a lot of ways that's like a whole episode we can
Jill Griffin 32:48
talk about that later, because that is, I have too much to say about that. Yeah,
Molly Bierman 32:52
and so. But people started giving their opinions on my kids names, and I was like, guys, I love you, and there is no way that I'm changing the name based on how you feel about it. I mean, I may not even change the name based on how Sam feels about it. Let's be honest.
Jill Griffin 33:12
I mean, I know that 1,000% I'm not sure if Sam knows that 100% but he does. Oh, he does. It's yeah,
Molly Bierman 33:19
we it was a battle to the very end for that kid who came out and still was unnamed for hours, you know. So anyway, I can, I can relate to where I can digest somebody's opinion and really think about it and how it applies to my life, and then also where it's not, not necessary little play, yeah. NPN, over here, absolutely so, gosh, so many good questions. Who do you fight for when no one is watching?
Jill Griffin 34:00
I think the the cliche and expected answer is my children, but I will say that I strongly feel that the people I fight for when no one's watching are the ones who are looked at as trash. And what I mean by that, what I mean by that is, and I can tell, I can tell how a person is when we're in a city somewhere and I'm walking with them and we see that person on the street, dirty clothes, sleeping on cardboard, maybe talking to themselves and how they act, or what they say. Those are the people that I fight for. And I'm not saying I'm saying the addicts, the alcoholics, the people who have who have severe trauma, the people that I don't know how to get better. And they're
Molly Bierman 34:53
people that fought for our country, like talk about
Jill Griffin 34:56
the, you know,
Molly Bierman 34:58
yes, all these
Jill Griffin 34:59
forgotten. And people that we just kind of step over, step aside, walk on the other side of the street, pretend it's not a problem. That's really the people I'm fighting for. Because if we're being honest, that was me, and I I show up in a different way. Now people don't know that, but when I'm if I'm walking with somebody and they're going to make comments about these people. What they don't realize is you're talking about me, you know, so and how would you how? How would you have looked at me when I was on the streets like that? So I just have probably in a rational, delusional belief. But I do believe that there is a world where we can solve this problem and help these people in a more humane way right now. Do we all have choices? Yes, are some of those people never going to choose to put down drugs and alcohol or never choose to go live in a home? Absolutely, but that doesn't mean, I mean I can remember going to New York City with my kids and and, you know, and even now, if we see somebody who's panhandling, my kids always ask to give them money, because I've always told them I don't care what people look like you treat them with dignity and respect. The only way that we that I would move away from a person in a street is if they are being aggressive or violent in some way. Otherwise, remember, if you smell, if you look weird, if you're talking weird, I'm still going to say hi and smile at you, because I might be the only person that smiles at you today.
Molly Bierman 36:32
Ain't that the truth? You know, I remember getting off when I was still living in Connecticut, and I remember getting off exit. I don't know what it was, whatever like the North Haven exit, or like between North Haven and New Haven exit, and it's like a really like, popular Panhandle spot, right? And I remember getting off the exit one day, and it was like, oh my god, I went to high school with that kid, you know? And then fast forward, a couple weeks later, I got off the same exit, and it was another kid I went to high school with, and I remember sitting there. First of all, it brought me back to a place where I used to admire certain kids, right? Or like, the popular kids, or kids who had gone through puberty quicker, or like were more attractive quicker. Or like stayed in the awkward phase for less time, whatever it was, right? And these, one of these kids, was very much like a social guy, right? He played sports, he had friends, he, you know, partied, he, you know, people liked him. He had a lot of girlfriends, whatever it was. And I remember saying to myself, like, you never know what somebody's story is going to look like, right? Yeah, what challenges they're going to face. And you know, the odds of two people that I went to school with? Look, I didn't go to a huge school. But nonetheless, right, there is this challenge everywhere, and if people aren't recognizing that you know someone, whether you want to admit or not, yeah, you know someone, yeah. And so anyway, I think that's just so important, and I love that, that you know, yes, your kids matter. And in order for our kids to be raised in a more fruitful world, these things need to be paid attention
Jill Griffin 38:22
to. We need to be treating like we need to be treating people as humans. And I think sometimes, period, no matter what needed, no matter what,
Molly Bierman 38:32
yeah, yeah. Okay, well, this goes into legacy. Let's talk a little bit about your future. Legacy, Jill, if you're that's a little morbid, okay, if your life were to come to an end tomorrow, what unfinished work do you feel like would either haunt you or feel undone? I like that word better. Feel undone.
Jill Griffin 38:59
Let's hope today is not my last day on earth, but you never know. You never I feel like I am stepping into a space now where there's a possibility for more impact. I feel like that's what's left undone. I think that the circle of influence that I have right now that starts with my family, then it goes to my staff, my partners, then it goes to all the clients that we serve. It's a pretty, pretty big circle of influence, and also the community that those clients live in too, right? Like it? It trickles out. Sure, I think there's a different conversation that I can be having on a larger level for people who feel like, well, how do I get to this next level? Well, how do I step into my authentic self? Well, how do I live in joy, even though I've been through these really hard things and no one's gonna accept me because I was x, y, z in my past? Yeah. I think now's the time to start those conversations. I think that legacy of impact, that that words really big in my mind right now, because I feel like it implies a larger footprint, you know, and I I would like to see that happen in women. I think in the age of social media, the statistics around, you know, female teenagers and their mental health since the iPhone came out, and the body image issues, the suicide rates, the I mean, that is heartbreaking to think a child wants to end their life that is supposed to be the most joyful time in your life, where you're just unburdened, right? And this is coming from someone who, at 12, started using so clearly, I I had issues. But the reality is, who we need to be, holding everyone up, and I think in order to hold those kids up, where are the mothers at? And I'm not, I'm not blaming them when I say that, but I'm saying where, where's their headspace? Did they feel like empowered to be able to deal with this? Did they feel empowered enough to hand down strong messages to their daughters? We need to lift each other up so that we can be, you know, managing these things because the mental health crisis is real right now.
Molly Bierman 41:17
So what do you tell your daughter that you wish you were told
Jill Griffin 41:25
that she is enough. Period, you are enough. You don't have to excel in school sports, you don't have to do all of the things. You don't even have to be perfect. I expect you to make mistakes, but you are enough even with the mistakes you're gonna make. And I love you. No matter what, I think we have to create a safe space for people to make mistakes and not pun, not not saying, no consequence. There's consequences, right? But there's a difference between making people feel like they are bad people for making mistakes and that there's no redemption from that. Well,
Molly Bierman 42:02
what do you think people get wrong about you, and what's the actual truth? Because me looking at you as your friend, right? And you saying that like your daughter's enough and she doesn't need to do all the things and all that sort of good stuff, I would say that if people looked at you, they would say there's no way. Jill says that to her kids, because she's a high achiever, she expects a lot from people in a good way. So what do you feel like people get wrong about you? And what do you feel like is the truth that really aligns with parenthood, business, friendship, all the things well
Jill Griffin 42:43
before, before I answer that, I will say that I do fall into that trap, because I it's a real thing to vicariously live through your child. Like my my kids play sports now. I am that mom sold she I'm already researching dance studios. Yeah, I am that mom on the sideline where it's it might be a bit much. Okay? I I will, yeah, I will give feedback to my kids after and I'll ask if they want to hear it. But I also let my my daughter especially know that listen, if you have the motivation, the desire to be great, I will be there with you, right there with you, and I will get you to where you need to go, and I will support that, but I'm not dragging you along to be great. And what I mean by that is, if she decides tomorrow she doesn't want to play XYZ sport, I may have a conversation with her about it, but I'm not dragging her even if I think she could be great at it, you know, like this, she there has to be some sort of inner motivation with that. And I do have to tame my my achievement and what I'm internally motivated for, and realize that not everybody has those same goals and wants. And like I just, I like achieving. I like doing things. I am always doing something. I'm like, a motor that that, like, excites me, right? Like, I like doing that. I think what's what people get wrong about me. And this has come up a lot lately when I kind of go into all the things that I'm doing, this has come out a lot with the podcast. I'm starting a podcast. Jesus, what else are you doing? Like, oh, you're doing another thing. Like, this is what people and so I think there's this misconception that I'm I'm working 80 hours a week. I don't go to bed until midnight. I'm working on the weekends. Totally, here's the reality. Let's be real. When I leave the office, unless there is a deadline of some sort, which is very rare. I'm with my kids and my family. That doesn't mean I might not send an email out or have a phone call with somebody, but I'm pretty much off duty, and I don't think about work like that. I don't obsess about. I have to let it go because I have to have the space to pick it up again the next day. That's like an energy drain. I'm not, I'm I am very
Molly Bierman 45:08
eight, right? That's a lot we talked about too. Like you need space away from monotony to be able to create. Yeah,
Jill Griffin 45:15
on the weekends, I'm doing kid stuff, I'm resting, I'm taking naps, I'm working out. I'm doing the things that I want to do. We're here. I love a nap, you know, so and let me be clear my travel and my my vacations, I take those very seriously. I love to travel, so I'm not working. I just have to keep when I add something. I'm shifting priorities, right? Like, who can I hand off some responsibilities to? Who can I level up into a different into into a different leadership role there? Like, I need to help
Molly Bierman 45:48
shaping your mid level management in that way, right? So wait, that's a episode in and of itself, and we're going to talk to some really wonderful entrepreneur females and moms and people who do it all right, and how you shape your mid level management to be able to show up when you need to be able to create, whether that be experience, whether that be with your kids, whether that be, you know, in in the dark moments where you can't show up as your best self, right? So I do think, you know, I mean not that you need my
Jill Griffin 46:26
I don't need permission. Molly, yeah,
Molly Bierman 46:30
validation is what I was looking for, that people get that wrong about you, but they do, because I've had friends be like, God, Jill travels, like, six weeks out of the year. She's always on vacation. Like, how does she handle this and work and kids and, yeah, happily.
Jill Griffin 46:47
Honestly, I think not to say that there's not moments where I'm like, super stressed, right? I don't want to give that illusion that I'm just like, la, la, la. This is awesome. No, there's like, stressful moments. But I also am a very ritualized person. I've been up since 420 this morning. I worked out. I This is my five days a week. I'm up between four and five every day. I'm working out, I'm journaling, I'm meditating, I'm having some quiet conversation with the universe and and just sitting of what, what's next, right? I'm texting out my gratitude list. I'm I'm doing all the things that's every morning. That's if I'm on vacation or I'm home, I'm doing that so I am filling my cup before I'm giving myself to anything else around me. And I think that those structures that I have in place keeps me kind of level headed and and so I don't get burnt out. I don't identify with burnout anymore. I'm not, because I really watch my energy I really watch my energy management. And if I'm not feeling something that day, something's got to move, something's got to
Molly Bierman 47:50
give. I mean, such an important conversation, really, because I think there's a lot of shame and guilt right around. How much do we give our kids? How much do we give work? How much do we give our husbands? How much do we give our friends, right?
Jill Griffin 48:06
So Can that be my permission slip?
Molly Bierman 48:09
Yeah, absolutely. Well, let's get into it. I have one more question. Then we'll give the permission Okay? Charles stars, so I want to make the last one a good one. You've made it your mission to give, uh, to give women a voice in leadership. When did you realize yours wasn't being heard? And what do you hope for the listeners to take away as far as how to show up in leadership
Jill Griffin 48:42
the men? Memory that just came to me is so wild. I so my first job in recovery was a front desk position at this assisted living place. So I'm like the front desk person all these old people so cute, and I would answer the phone. Well, little did I know that they were recording. You know, when they say, like, recording for quality assurance, they were like, recording my phone calls. I get called into the office and the I don't know what his role was, the manager, director. I don't know sure he's like, so we have to have a conversation, because the way that you're talking like your voice isn't it's just not your voice. It's just, it's just not welcoming, inviting. I don't know if you can, like, bring up like, they wanted me to talk like this, and that's not me. You're not gonna get that for me. I don't know that's probably never gonna happen. So like that. You know, that ratchet Part of me wanted to really but I had to sit there and take it and smile and nod and to okay, I left there in tears, right? And it doesn't sound like that. That was a I had a whole meltdown about, how am I going to change my voice? But I think, I think it's one of those moments right, where I don't know if I really. Realize it at the time, but I can look back at that moment and be like, No, that's when I didn't feel like I had the ability to say, Take me or leave me. This is who I am. I am. Yeah, I do every other aspect of this job. And is somebody complaining about my voice, or are you just listening to it on the thing and you want it to be more sing song you like that's not going to happen. I don't talk like that and I and even at that point, I'm not going to fit into whatever mold you're trying to put me in, because I'm who I am. I'm very secure in that. We've had conversations like I am who I am, like it or love it, this is or hate it, it I'm still I'm, I'm who I
Unknown Speaker 50:39
am, and we'll be okay. Yeah,
Jill Griffin 50:41
that doesn't mean that there's not parts that you can get better, like you said, soft in certain areas, right? But I, but I love all parts of me now, and I know, and I think even in that moment, I realized that I had a voice, I just didn't know how to use it yet. And so when I work with women in leadership, because I just think it happens with women more we're told to be quiet. We're kind of our asks, our wants, our needs, are minimized in different kind of subtle ways. And I hate to say that, but I do think that's the truth, and I don't mind speaking up. I'm I'm going to be speaking up, I'll say something. And so I think really modeling that for people, and then showing women how to use their voice in a positive way so they can be heard. Because you don't want to be screaming and angry and you have to be, you have to use your voice in a way that it's going to be received too.
Molly Bierman 51:39
So if you could, can that in a concise way, to give our listeners their permission slip, because we know that we don't need to ask for permission. But this is our takeaway. What would your permission slip be?
Jill Griffin 51:55
My permission slip would probably be more foundational it would be my permission slip is to fill your own cup first, and why I say that is it is really hard to get in touch with what your authentic self is or what you need or what you're trying to even say, or what those frustrations are. If you're not having that time to fill your cup, be in quiet, be do the things that make you feel whole, dance, work out, read a book, go for a walk. There's too many women, especially mothers, who are always feeling like they have to be doing something to be productive and to be worthy there, they have to always be doing something, and that is not the case. You need to be able to sit and slow down and be quiet and kind of listen to what your own body's telling you, right? So I always look at, you know, filling your own cup first. We really need to be pouring into a vase that's overflowing onto our children, our staff, our friends, our family. But if you can't pour from an empty cup, you have to be overflowing. So you have to fill yourself up first. That would be my permission slip, because I think that it all starts there. Because if you're going to stay in these same you know, be in this rat race and always doing something and exhausted all the time, you're not even gonna know the potential your authentic self has
Unknown Speaker 53:30
so true.
Molly Bierman 53:32
Well, this is all the time we have today. We have so many more questions we can ask Jill, which we'll get into in a later episode, but we want to thank you for listening. If you've been holding back your voice, your leadership or your truth, I hope this gave you permission to stop waiting, because the truth is you never needed it. Thanks for listening to no permission necessary. Like us, follow us on Instagram, leave us a review, send it to your friends, and we hope you enjoyed this episode.
Jill Griffin 54:01
Next time on no permission necessary, I'm going to be interviewing Molly so we can learn all about her grit and determination to become the leader, mother, wife and friend that she is today. So join us next time,
Unknown Speaker 54:14
until next time bye.
