Stronger Than Before: Reclaiming Yourself After Motherhood with Hillary Valentin

Nov 25

Episode 22 with Hillary Valentin

In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Molly Bierman and Jill Griffin sit down with personal trainer, mother of two, and High Rocks athlete Hillary Valentin for a raw conversation about identity, discipline, and rediscovering yourself through major life shifts.

From the emotional rollercoaster of postpartum to running a business with her husband, Hillary opens up about the messy middle: balancing motherhood, marriage, entrepreneurship, and the pressure to bounce back physically and mentally.

They dive into body changes no one talks about, the truth about motivation vs. discipline, and why women often pour into others long before they learn to pour into themselves. Hillary shares how her competitive background shaped her resilience, how she supports her postpartum clients with compassion and honesty, and what it really looks like to rebuild strength from the inside out.

This is a conversation about embracing who you are, finding power in the process, and learning to show up...especially on the days you don’t feel like it.

Learn more about Hillary: Instagram

Learn more about Momentum: Instagram | Website | Facebook

Jill Griffin 0:00
Welcome back to no permission necessary. I'm so excited to have Hillary here with us. So Hilary is a wife, mom of two, business owner, personal trainer and High Rocks athlete. You have dedicated your time to helping others build strength, confidence and resilience through fitness, you lead and are inspirational, and I have a personal connection with you. I was thinking about how long I've known you, Hillary, I think it's like seven years now. I think we met after I had my second child,
Hillary Valentin 0:34
no husband, no kids,
Molly Bierman 0:36
no business, no husband, no kids. Wow, I've been your best.
Hillary Valentin 0:39
Yes. Will know me from the bottom,
Jill Griffin 0:43
living your best life, pre all these responsibilities, you were dating your husband at the time.
Hillary Valentin 0:51
Okay, I wasn't sure if I had met him yet when I started working with
Jill Griffin 0:55
you. Yeah, I believe so. But it's been a while, so we've seen each other through these transformations, and most recently, started working with you again, which I'm really excited about, but I we talked about having you on here, because one topic that comes up so often, I think, in leadership and wellness spaces and all this is our own health, especially I know myself. I'm older, I think, than both of you, but moving into that perimenopausal stage also, you know, Molly's in that, and you too, in that postpartum phase, which I feel like lasts longer than just that first year. Personally, for me, it did. And so I guess, just for anyone who doesn't know you yet, how would you describe yourself? And just give a little bit. I gave a little bio, but just who you are and what you're about.
Hillary Valentin 1:46
Now, I've always, I have a I've always loved helping people, and I was always the one I was I grew up as a competitive figure skater, and I was always the one that couldn't master my own skills, but wanted to help other people mastered theirs before I focused on myself. So I knew I always had a way of, like, wanting to give back. And when I left the sport of skating, I went through, like, this identity crisis. I didn't know who I was without the sport, without helping people. And then that's when I fell in love with the gym, and I started helping people within the gym. And I just always have the sense of wanting to help people and more than myself, then becoming a mother. That continues right? You always want, you know you put you pour yourself into your kids, into your family, more than you pour into yourself. And I feel like just recently, I've started finding myself and wanting to pour into myself. And that's like, the phase of life I'm in right now is investing in myself. And I know you talked about, like, physical fitness and health, but I know you guys work a lot with, like, mental health and emotional health. That's what you guys really focus on from you know what you and I have talked about, and it's so closely knit. It's so and a lot of people don't realize how closely knit it is together.
Molly Bierman 3:03
It was just sneezed and I tried to mute my money. Did my mic not mute? Anyway, I'm so
Jill Griffin 3:14
you're not muted. I thought you were gonna say something so profound, Molly, you look like you were having an aha moment.
Molly Bierman 3:27
Well, I was having an aha moment, and then I was about to sneeze, so I'll recover from that. But you know, my aha moment was thinking about when you said I was pouring into others before I was ident before I was fine tuning my own skill set when I was figure skating. And that's figure skating was your sport, right? Growing up, yeah, and I actually have never thought about that, but actually really identify with that, because I feel as though I was of that same kind of school of thought and action. Growing up in competitive dance like I definitely was not the best dancer compared to some of the girls that I danced with, and I was always willing to help with the choreography or, you know, share tips and tricks or help the younger girls, whatever it was, rather than just kind of pouring into myself. And so it's just interesting that you brought that up. I really have never thought about it like that, and I think that it's a good takeaway for me to also be in check with myself as you're kind of sharing that too. How much am I pouring into myself versus how much am I pouring into others? I think growing up when you're pouring into others, it's a little bit different, because there's just insecurity, right? There's just a massive amount of insecurity growing up as a woman, I'm sure, as a young adult male too, but as a woman growing up and comparing yourself to, and I'm sure you can relate to this. As well, just being in the figure skating industry, how you're developing, how quickly you, you know, become a woman, when you menstruate, like all these sorts of things that you compare to other females that are around you. And I'm, I think I'm really lucky in the sense that the girls that I competed with, they we were one another. We actually were very uplifting. We were in a studio that was built on values and community and connection and love and raising people up. But I could see that if you weren't in that kind of nurturing environment, it even is escalated further. So I don't know, I just felt really, I got, like, blown back to the password.
Hillary Valentin 5:47
I really love how you said that that need to help others was kind of linked to an insecurity, because I actually never thought about it before, like, like that before, and that's so true. You know, I didn't have the build of a figure skater, the body of a figure skater. And I think that was a huge insecurity for myself, and I think that's why I felt the need to help others, you know, like, because I wasn't going to be the star skater, I wasn't going to be that one, but if I could contribute to helping someone else be their best. You know, it kind of covered up. Not that it wasn't coming from a place of wanting to help, but it was kind of filling that, that hole that I had, of those insecurities that I carried with me and I care, and I think that carried through, you know, my college years and even into, like, my early womanhood, years before I and I think I was able to really kind of fill that after becoming a mother,
Molly Bierman 6:42
when you think about it, from the team approach, you know, and a lot of what we've been talking about in the last few episodes is it's team, you know, team from behavioral health sense and like the teams that we grow and we lead, and as well as really any business, right? I'm sure you have this understanding too in your gym, is that everybody plays a part to the team. So if we really think about it from that sense, I think what happens when we were young was like everyone was kind of vying for the same seat, right, to be the most flexible, to be the most skilled, to be the most choreographed, to be the most or, you know, or expressive, right? Because there's all these different things that have to come with the sport in conjunction with the skill, right? You can't have the skill and not not have your show face. You can't have the skill and not know how to present Well, in whatever you know, costume or arena or you know. So there was just so many different moving parts. And I think that, yes, maybe it was based on insecurity that I was pouring into others, and there was value I brought to the team, right? Who are the people that bring the team together? Who are the cheerleaders, who are the people that kind of root on for the more elite skill level? You know? I don't know. I just feel like there's so many different reasons why we fall into the bucket that we do, and it's been something that I have probably now, in hindsight, actually use that skill set in a more empowering way, naturally, right? Because I'm not well look at, look at, like the resume of somebody who ends up being an entrepreneur or leading a business or in a management role.
Jill Griffin 8:18
I always like to look at some of those, like, soft skills that aren't on a resume, like, if you, if you think about it, those life experiences when you're on a team growing up, especially, I mean, I tell this to my kids now, like, I want you to play sports and be part of something bigger than you, because you do play different roles. I was just having this conversation with Audrey because she just started playing basketball, and she wants to be the point guard dribbling the ball at the court. That's not going to be you sweetheart. You're the tallest one by 12 inches on the team. Like you need to go down by the basket. Like, I don't know what to tell you. And this is no longer about what's best for you and what you want, you're now on a team, so you need to be a little bit more self sacrificing around what's best for the team, not what you want to do. Yes, and I think that leaders and entrepreneurs like I'm sure there's outliers to this, but I feel like everybody there's value in being part of a team growing up so you can learn those things. Because I feel like it's noticeable if you if you have not participated in a team sport growing up
Molly Bierman 9:27
or worked in a restaurant, just
Hillary Valentin 9:29
saying, oh, big life skills in a restaurant.
Molly Bierman 9:33
Big, yeah, yeah.
Jill Griffin 9:36
But if you look back, I'm sure those, I'm sure those experiences and figure skating and that identity shift, which I can relate to, certainly, like, from being an athlete growing up, and then all of a sudden you're not. I hear that a lot with people. You know, no matter what like level of athlete you were, there is an identity shift to like, oh, now I'm in the real world, right? If you were like, I. It's it's a shift. But how has that helped you in where you're at today with your own business and as a mother?
Hillary Valentin 10:07
Well, I think that through, through my sport, my competitive career, it's a lot about self discipline, structure, organ, I mean organizing everything from your daily training schedule and on. So I've always had, like, this very type A organized, regimented, yes, like, I need my schedule that definitely helps. As far as being an entrepreneur, like running a business, my husband is the opposite. He we, you know, we're the one. He throws out all these ideas, and I had to put them on paper and organize on that really, like, that's how we work, you know, literally yin and yang, you know.
Molly Bierman 10:53
So that structure of holding
Hillary Valentin 10:55
myself accountable as an athlete has relayed to holding myself accountable for running a business.
Molly Bierman 11:03
It's so true. Structure is everything I really feel.
Jill Griffin 11:10
Yeah, we we thrive off that. Let's talk a little bit more about working with your husband, though, because we've talked about this before on the podcast. How's that? What is that experience like?
Hillary Valentin 11:22
My situation is a little
Molly Bierman 11:23
weak. I just want to say, Hold on. I just want to say, did she also be bringing this up because she doesn't run a business with her husband, and so she's just sitting there in her glory, being like, yeah, why don't you guys talk about this?
Jill Griffin 11:36
We want to know, why? Because I shut that idea down a long time ago,
Hillary Valentin 11:42
like working, didn't you guys at one point work like parallel, at
Molly Bierman 11:49
least, or, yeah, a little bit you did. You did a little bit, you did a little
Jill Griffin 11:52
bit parallel. But then that was an experiment where we know, we both know, I will get divorced like I that's not gonna work. He doesn't want me bossing him around. I don't want him working for me. I There's just that's just where we're at. We work better, not together.
Molly Bierman 12:08
I like that. You go. I don't he doesn't want me bossing him around. And what was the second part to that?
Jill Griffin 12:13
I don't want him working for me,
Speaker 1 12:19
rather than him bossing you around, that wasn't even an option,
Molly Bierman 12:25
that wasn't even a threat.
Jill Griffin 12:27
If you think my husband's gonna be surprised by that comment, he's not. But why not? I know.
Molly Bierman 12:36
Go ahead, Hillary, you, you take, you, take, you, take the question, and I'll back you up over here, my Our
Hillary Valentin 12:41
situation was a little unique. I only know working with my husband, so we met at the edge, where we both trained, and so we were co workers first, then we started dating. So like we only know, working together. So I do think that makes a little bit of a unique situation, but where we're able to work well with each other, because all we know and like everyone is always like, I can't believe you work with your husband, don't you get sick of him. And we're together all day, but we're not interacting, you know? And he's with his clients. I'm with my clients. We are, like, with our clients. So it's funny, we'll end a shift, like a five hour training shift, and it's like, Oh, hey, you're here. Like, nice to see you, but there have been times like, it's really hard if, you know, if we get a fight, get into a fight at home, and then I have to walk by his face. Like, every day, like all day, it's really hard to let go of what's happening at home when you're at work, because you're reminded about it all day long. So we
Jill Griffin 13:38
still feel you're just sending darts around across the gym, like, Oh yes, yes. Oh real man.
Hillary Valentin 13:44
We'll pull up into the parking lot and be like, okay, just remember, don't talk to me today. Like, just focus. It's like, don't talk to me today. We're not talking. We'll finish this fight at lunch. Like, we'll talk later. So we definitely do have those moments. But again, it's all we know. So it's not I couldn't imagine not working with him. I guess I can. I can confidently say that I could not imagine, like, you know, as business owners, especially nowadays, like there's always the conversation of, what if this business fails? There was the conversation five years ago when we started the business, and still to this day, like, you have just those honest, raw conversations, and I'm like, one, I could never imagine working for someone, working for anyone, after running my own business and training clients, so I want to train my clients, versus how a management team is telling me how to train my clients. And then two, I could never imagine not working side by side. As challenging as some of the situations are, like he I look up to him as a trainer. He definitely gives me insight on if I'm struggling with a program for a client, if I feel like I'm just banging my head against the wall on a marketing ideal or promotion. It's it's nice to have someone that you literally trust your life with, also to build like this business with. And. To share ideas and to help pick you up when you feel like you can't pick yourself up. So I couldn't imagine anyone else to run a business with, but it does have its challenges.
Jill Griffin 15:11
One of the things we talk about a lot is balance. Is bullshit, right? Like separate having that balance between work life and home life. And the reality is, when you're an entrepreneur, like, it just kind of blends together sometimes and like, you know, sometimes you're working at night, sometimes you're doing stuff when the kids are napping, or, like, you find pockets of time to work, right? And but how do you kind of set some like boundaries around your time with motherhood, with business, like you work in, you know, a service industry, so I'm sure people are reaching out to you outside of set like, how do you set that boundary? Because it's different. But people, you're still in a helper role, and people are looking to you to help them.
Hillary Valentin 15:56
I'm not good with balance. I like that balance is bullshit. Because I'm not good with balance. I'm an all in person, and that was really hard. I guess I never thought about it when I became a wife. Honestly, it wasn't as highlighted the balancing. And we make time for our for our marriage rarely. I mean, even, I think even someone who's working a typical like nine to five, it's when you have two kids at home and you're working your nine to five, it's still hard to find that time to be husband and wife. There's not much husband and wife time. We do have some things in place, like, we know, we take two date nights a month, and that is like, that's our standard, and that's well, and what's great, well, High Rocks is and well, we lost challenges on our date nights, but it's still like, it's our time to connect. We just enjoy talking about those things, I guess. But I think the biggest thing that really I've had that that really has had an impact on me was when I had kids, and I'll never forget, like, I'm I always have the laptop out. I'm always like you said, finding those pockets of time where I can work on a program or respond to an inquiry or a client, and I'll never forget one day, Holly has a little, I think she was maybe, like, 18 months or two years old, and she has a little laptop, a toy laptop, and she, like, took her toy laptop and sat on the couch and started typing. Said, I'm Mommy and like that for some reason, as innocent as it was, like, hit me. And I was like, that's her image of me, like, and that's not in my mind. I was like, That's not okay, that that's, that's what my daughter thinks of when she thinks of Mommy, like, that's not what I want her to to have her memory of who's a kid. Is that like, Mom was always on her laptop. So, you know, the past couple of years, I've really, really tried to focus on that and have, and I do try to have that designated time that if it's not, if I get a text from a client and it's not a quick response, if it does take my attention to like answer, and I have to put thought into it, I don't even open the text until I'm able to sit down and respond. That typically is after 7pm after I put my kids to bed. So, like, from 2pm to 7pm that is, like, my reserved time. Like, that's my mom time. We don't have full time childcare. We only have childcare up until, actually, 1pm is when we have childcare up until. So from one until bedtime. I'm on, I'm on, like, Mom roll. And there are some things that can get done if there's something that's really time sensitive, like, Harvin is really good at like, Hey, I got the kids in here. You go upstairs and take that call. Or do do what you need to do. But I if it's not time sensitive, I really do try to set aside that time because my kids are, they're gonna be the ones that suffer. And as much as this is for my kids, I also have to be present for my kids, and I can't let this fully consume me when it does come time to them,
Jill Griffin 18:50
even just listening to you say that though, like one obviously they'll be in school at some point, but you have younger children now. Like to be with your kids from 1pm to bedtime. There's probably people listening like, Oh, I wish I could have that right, but I think that's the flexibility of entrepreneurship, of being able to set your schedule the way that works for you and your family. But the other thing is, You're up early, like, I am. You're up at 4am Yep, no matter how those kids are sleeping, yeah,
Hillary Valentin 19:18
the last man Sunday night, Hendricks is teething. Very different teething experience than my daughter's teeth and then Holly's teething experience. He started, like, you could tell his teething because it was like those waves of like the cry, like 62nd waves. And he started at 9pm as we were, like, getting into bed. He I could not get him back to well, he was sleeping, but he did not stop crying until midnight. My alarm went off at 345, and I was just like, this is I do not, I don't want to go stand in a cold gym. I really, I really didn't. But you know, those are those buckle time, buckle down moments where. You just, just do it. And I think there's something different about moms. I truly do feel that way, that like we don't even think about what we have to do, we just do it. And yeah, like you said, like, there, it doesn't matter what kind of thing I had with my kids or what's going on, like my clients expect me to be here and show up for them, like, I'm the one that they are elite, that they're relying on to keep them going when they don't want to keep going. And I said in the beginning that emotional, mental health has so much to do with physical health, like there's so much more to I that I feel that I provide for my clients than just a good workout. You know, yesterday, I got a text from a client after she didn't want to come in for her session. She left after her session. Around lunchtime, she texted me. She's like, I cannot believe I feel like a different person. Different person after coming to the gym and having my training session with you today versus Monday, when I didn't come to the gym in the morning, totally different focus at work, like attitude towards work. She's just like, I just feel like I'm a different person. And that's a reminder of what I provide for my clients. And that reminder is really important at 345, after I had, you know, only gotten about three and a half hours of sleep that night before, and there is no naps in my house anymore. So once I got home at one, the baby sleeps when my three year old will not sleep. She has quiet time. We call it. It's anything but quiet. It's her, like, doing monkey bars for her, you know, loft bed and stuff. So, like, I'm watching that monitor, not really letting myself, like, take a nap if I feel like I need it.
Molly Bierman 21:30
What do you feel like when you think about, you know, taking prioritizing your emotional and your mental health, right? You're so you're in a space where physical health is priority. I'm sure that there's a lot of clients that are interconnected to maybe doing physical health, having physical health support, while also tapping into mental health support. And I feel like in that industry, and the time you spend with people in somewhat of a vulnerable state, right? It's a different type of vulnerable than what we do, but it's still a vulnerable state where they're not feeling good about their bodies. They're feeling like they need support. So naturally, I feel like a lot of other topics come out. How do you feel like you are able to prioritize your own kind of emotional and mental support while also holding space for your clients that are needing and may lean on you in a lot of ways, like a therapist, because I feel like that happens not only in exercise, but in esthetics and hair salons. And it's like someone's time to be open.
Jill Griffin 22:41
You're captured. That's why that person's captured. And they do. People tell you stuff that I'm sure you're like, Well, I didn't need to know that. I know
Hillary Valentin 22:49
so much about people. My clients, like, it's actually kind of funny when I like, you know, well, it goes both ways, actually, because I also, you know, I get very close with a lot of my clients, I develop really personal relationships. I have had clients like Joe, like you know, I've known for seven plus years, and, you know, I share things about my life too. I am very careful with what things I share about my life, but the clients that I've really gotten close with know a lot about my life, and it's it actually has happened to me. The other day, I have a client that is now really good friends with my mom, but when I first started training her, she did not know my mom. She wasn't friends with her, and recently they went to a tailgate at UConn, and she met everyone in my family, my brothers, my sister in laws, like my nephews, and also because she's texting me about people in my family because of stories that I told her years ago. And I was like, oh, okay, I'm a little bit more careful now. But also it goes both ways, where, like, I've had clients share a lot of personal details, like clients that talk to me about things going on within their marriage, and then, like, as something comes up, where there's a social gathering and I'm invited, and I meet their husband, I'm like, Oh, I know a lot about you. So it you know, I do get to know, like, a lot about my clients lives. And sometimes that can feel very heavy, especially with what someone's right time. And it is challenging, because you do want to have like, that uplifting, just spirit and energy for them, because you want them leaving feeling great, not just physically, but emotionally. And I think the hardest part is when I'm going through something personally. We when we were pregnant with Holly, we had a really complicated pregnancy. They had some health concerns for her throughout my whole pregnancy. We're going to maternal fetal medicine every couple of weeks. And then towards the end of the pregnancy, I had hypertension, and you know, the uncertainty of not working, you know, and when you're self employed, if you're not working, you're not making money. And there were so many things going on, and like, I still had to show up, and it. Was so especially when there were the health concerns for Holly, and there were so many things that couldn't be answered until she was born, you know, and there were even some of the doctor's appointments that even had conversations with us, like asking us if we were considering terminating the pregnancy because of the health concerns that were involved. And you know, that was not a thought in our mind at all, but it was still like a really heavy burden on my shoulders and like, and I talked about, like, having to come in and like, I am supposed I'm supposed to be the uplifting energy that was really hard, and I can't really put into words or explain, like, how I did I think that actually just has a lot to do with who I am as a person. And going back to the very beginning of where we talked about when I was a kid, just wanting to help people. I think the desire and the love and the passion I have for helping people kind of outweighed that burden that I was feeling, and honestly, my clients got me through that period. My clients were uplifting me that not a lot of people knew what was going on. And it's funny to be able to say now, like people that didn't even know what was going on were in a like, were able to carry me through that, and they didn't even know I needed that. So I mean, I again going back to just the passion I have for what I do, and I love I love people I do. Love being around people and the different people I get to meet. And I don't know if I answered your question, I feel like I kind of talked around.
Molly Bierman 26:22
Yeah, you did. I mean, I think, I think that, you know, recognizing, I think it's easy to put on a hat when you're in a leadership or entrepreneurship role, right? If you've opened up your own business, or you're working with your family, or you're in a family, run own business, and you know, you're the next generation to kind of lead the charge. I think that it's really easy to kind of pour everything you have into your work and your family, because you feel like that's the time you have. And I was talking to someone not that long ago, because a lot of what I would a lot of what I do in the day to day to day is work with family systems that are struggling with some sort of challenge, right? Could be mental health challenge, could be behavioral health challenge, could be communication challenge, whatever the case may be. And what I REM what I remind myself of, in addition to my clients, is that when you're in that space, and I can't imagine how hard that was with the unknown. I have two small children, and I did not have many complications in my pregnancies. There were some kind of complications during the birth process, but not to the extent of needing any sort of emergency intervention, and I can only imagine like how you care for yourself while also caring for others, right? And so I think it's just important that we remind ourselves whether that's an hour out of the week, whether that's, you know, 10 minutes in the morning, whether that's your before, time before you get up and go to meet your clients, whatever that looks like. It sounds like you had to find your own rhythm, and so I guess, kind of, in conjunction with that, where do you feel like that has made you, that has either led you or, you know, challenged you in ways when opening up your own business, you know what has what has that looked like? How have you been able to prioritize all the different moving parts, especially when there's adversity, right? So pregnant kind of unknown, prioritizing your health and wellness while also having to prioritize everyone else's like, what does that look like? And how did those challenges and surprises kind of throughout the stages of opening that business? Like, what did that look like for you?
Hillary Valentin 28:50
Leaning on my husband a lot? Like, he really picked up a lot of things so I could, like, focus on my mental health, my physical health. I feel the best when I'm getting my physical movement in. So prioritizing my own workouts, whether it was walking or like in the gym, and just taking it one day at a time, like I I am a worrier at heart. I always think of like worst case scenarios. I always think out way too far. So even like opening the business like that, question, what if we fail? And it's just kind of reeling myself back in and focusing on the present day. Well, these are the tasks of the present day. I'm I definitely need to break things down, projects down. Complicate everything. I need to break down by task. So if there's a problem that we get faced with, whatever it is, it's bringing it down one step at a time and taking that one day at a time. I think that we, a lot of us, can get wrapped up in, like looking at the big picture, instead of looking at a piece of the piece of the puzzle and just putting one piece together at a time.
Jill Griffin 29:56
Well, when you say that, it makes me think of. Of starting that fitness journey postpartum. I think for a lot of women, I know for myself, people now will say like, Oh, you, you know you're so motivated because I work out I wake up in the morning, I work out five times a week, and it's like motivation has nothing to do with it. I There's many times that I don't want to do what I have to do to train. But that started this whole journey really started after I had my second child. I was like, sick and tired of being sick and tired and and really overweight. And I can remember thinking, I'm never going to get back to where I was before, like that is so far away from where I am. And then, of course, halfway through that, and now, like, the ankle injury and all that that I've had to overcome. But like, how has when I first met you, that was pre kids, so I'm sure you're you supported a lot of postpartum women at that point. But can you talk a little bit about that daunting aspect? Because I feel like for women Now, granted, men have the same thing, right? Men gain weight, they get out of shape, they but when you are postpartum, all of the changes that happen in our body, things are looser than they should be, hormones, all the things, and you're like, What the hell am I supposed to do now? Like, that's, and I'm sure that's a large portion of like, who you support
Molly Bierman 31:27
now and you don't, or when you realize you don't have abs. Like, no one gave me that memo. Okay? So for anyone who has not carried a child yet, your abs don't exist. Yeah, they just then,
Jill Griffin 31:43
mine are this far apart, just so we're clear, you're that.
Molly Bierman 31:47
And then when you come back to it, like, I'm still, I'm coning still a bit. I'm a year and a half out from my daughter, and I'm still cone, like a little bit, right? So I'm working on kind of the under AB section
Jill Griffin 32:02
to come seven and a half years out, I'm still I have a bowl. You're still counting them. I have to say I have something. I have to push back in. That's what I whatever that doctor I have seen a doctor, they said that I actually closed it. They said I closed it an inch since my last appointment last year, they won't do the surgery. I'm an Olympic athlete. Molly, I'm an Olympic athlete. That's what Molly always says about me.
Hillary Valentin 32:31
Secret topic, I so I love training High Rocks athletes. Like, I love the excitement, the adrenaline, like, like, my competitive drive kicks in. Like, I love training people for this, but so there's something special about postpartum, because again, we go back to that emotional aspect that's so tied into it and it Yes, Jill, I trained you way before I kids and I and I trained a lot of people postpartum, before I was ever postpartum. And my view on it, full disclosure, can say it has totally changed now that I've gone through this self, there's something about going through it yourself, if you and you know, I know having children is not for everyone. There are a lot of people, I have a lot of friends, that have chosen not to have kids. If you don't carry a child and you don't have a child like you fully, can't grasp what happens to your body and that emotional impact that it has, you are never the same woman that you were before you had children. Emotionally, mentally, physically, you will never be the same person. And during that postpartum, the early postpartum, because, you know, we joke like we're still postpartum, right? Like all three of us are still postpartum, you're kind of postpartum forever, like it doesn't change, because you're gonna go back to who you were before, and it is such an emotional roller coaster. And I I just there's something special about being part of that journey for someone. I think I have three or four postpartum clients right now, and when I say postpartum, I mean within a year, I have, like three to four clients that have 1212, months or younger babies. And there are, there's just so I could talk about this for a whole hour alone. There is just so much to be said about that journey. You're learning your body all over again, but then as you relearn your body, you're learning that it's not the same body. And then you have to learn to embrace the body you have. And I think that's a hard thing for all of us, to embrace this body that feels foreign, you know, like your hips. It's not just that, like there's looser things. It's that are like even our I think the thing that, the thing that threw me off the most was that my bras didn't fit the same way, not the cups, like the strap, the what is that? The band, the band, the like, the Yeah, the width of the bra. It was Yeah. It was like, my rib cage actually expanded open and. And I'm like, Oh, interesting. That's not gonna go back. Same thing with my hips, like I got down to my pre baby weight, but my jeans just did not fit me the same way. Going over my hips, like my legs were the same size, my butt was the same size, like I did measurements, they were the same size. But my hips actually just the whole structure. They open. They open and they don't your pelvis actually opens when you birth. My foot grew a half size. I had to get all new shoes after I had my first baby. So it's, you're going through all these things, like, Oh my gosh. Like, like, I like, and then you have a whole new appreciation for what you did not appreciate before you had kids. But I love helping women on that journey like I love being a part of that for them, and I love seeing the moment where they do start embracing who they are, and and, and they're incorporating fitness into it. Now, when you can help them feel strong, now you're a strong Mama Bear like, and I'm proud of that. You know, I used to, like, hear things like that and be like, Oh, that sounds like a big, burly woman, but no, like you're a strong Mama Bear, you're gonna do anything that you can that's in your power to protect your children and to have the emotional and physical strength to do. So there's just no words to put into that.
Jill Griffin 36:20
Well, a lot of what we hear, right is, well, I'm too tired, and I know I've had these conversations on the side with you, Molly sometimes, right? Like, No, you need listen. You have to just make a plan and stick to the plan, no matter how you feel. Because the reality is, when, when your child's up at night, and that's how I got through it, going to the gym, right? I would sign up for that class, and I was like, I'm gonna go to that class, because I'm either not going to want to get charged for it, or I'm getting charged for it anyway, like, no matter how I felt. Because the reality is, 10 out of 10 times I'm coming out of that workout feeling better, even if I'm tired going into it. And that's the only way I've been able to discipline is, the is, the is the word. It's not motivation. Because I am not motivated to do what I do every day. I work out like a maniac. Now, by myself, most of the time, there's no one cheering me on. There's no one that's going to know if I don't work out. Frankly,
Molly Bierman 37:13
I cheer you on. How rude she's in a NAS. No, I mean, I agree. I think that the idea of motivation, you can be motivated to do a lot of things. I think it's the same thing around like when you when we're talking to clients about getting sober, right, or stopping using substances, which is a lot of what we talk about on
Jill Griffin 37:36
this podcast, wanting something and being motivated to do the things, to get that thing that's two different things, because a lot of people aren't willing to do what it takes to get the thing that they want.
Molly Bierman 37:47
Yeah, there's a lot of people who want it, there's a lot of people who need it, a lot of people who do it right. And so we think about how to keep ourselves within the confines of the mission, right? Like, I'm trying to stay on the mission, you know, most days, whether that's my business mission, whether that's my family mission, whether that is my fitness mission, and so and I'm cognizant of, like, listening to my body too, you know,
Jill Griffin 38:19
but also mental health wise. Molly, you know, and you've said this, if you skip workouts and you don't do that in the morning, you and you skip moving your body, the wheels fall off like you don't feel good as good mentally, totally. I think I have accountability connect, but that's where things connect, right? And if you look at the research around and I tell people this all the time, our society wants a quick fix. They want medication. They want those on BIC, they want the and listen, all those things are great tools. I advocate for those things. And I also say that the research shows that let's just put SSRIs antidepressants, antidepressants, the papers and the research show that they work in conjunction with talk therapy, right? Those are what the research shows. It's not just on the medication itself. And also, there are studies that show that exercise alone, if you do 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day, could have the same effect as an SSRI on some people, because you're actually depress and have clinical depression symptoms because you're not moving. We're humans. We're we are meant to move our bodies.
Hillary Valentin 39:29
I want to go back to the motivation versus discipline thing, because I it. I love that people always say to me, Oh, it must be easy to always be motivated to, like, work out because you're a trainer. Okay. Then when I woke I woke I had three and a half hours of sleep, I was really motivated to work out that day. Motivation is an emotional response. Discipline is a practice skill, and the difference of success is falls right in between there motivation, you're emotional to get. Get Started. So it's that emotion of being excited to start something, and that's what gets someone started with a fitness journey, but practicing that, that skill of discipline, of whether it's raining or it's sunny, or if it's 20 degrees out or 70 degrees out, whether, you know, there's so many factors, it's no I am setting that time, aside from myself. Now I do, and I talk about this with my clients, I think there are exceptions. I probably shouldn't have worked out when I only had three hours, three and a half hours of sleep. My throat started feeling scratchy from my sick three year old like I started feeling out like probably shouldn't work out that day, you know. And it becomes a skill to weighing out when you should rest versus, you know, if a 5am workout was the only day, the time of the day you have, and you wake up and you feel like you're coming down with something, and you only got three hours of sleep, is it best to push the workout? Maybe sometimes, but only you can make that decision, and practicing that making those decisions is important too. So you're not always making that excuse on yourself, like, oh yeah, let me just skip this workout. Now. How many skips do we get in a row? So I do think there are exceptions to it for certain situations, but discipline of getting yourself out of bed, oh yeah, it's dark out and it's cold, I don't want to go out to the garage and do that workout. That's not really an option that crosses your mind. Jill, right? Like, it's just no, like, I'm at this point, you're hardwired to it.
Jill Griffin 41:27
I've been running in the dark. This is a new level of psychotic, okay, with a reflective vest and a flashlight. Okay? That's next level that I never thought seven years ago, this is where I'd be.
Hillary Valentin 41:42
What I told you, I want to ran out outside that day, the other day, the beginning of class, it was a 5:15am class. It was one of the High Rocks classes, and the the buy in was a six minute out, like six minute run. I had eight people in class. I don't have eight treadmills, so I was like, All right, guys like, do you guys think it's too cold to run outside? I think this was yesterday, actually, which was like, windy, and it was freezing, freezing. So I'm like, do you guys think it's too cold to run outside? And they like, hesitated answering me, but they eventually like, No, I guess we could do I was like, you just got to do it one time. It's six minutes, then you're done. We'll come inside. So as they're like, all right, and as they're heading out the door, I'm like, Just letting you know I never would have said okay to this. I'm not coming outside with you guys. I'll see when six minutes come back in. No way would I ran outside. So kudos to you that you ran outside, Joe, because I once it drops below, like, I don't know, 5860, I'm done running outside. I'm inside.
Jill Griffin 42:39
My treadmill comes Monday, so let them just putting that
Molly Bierman 42:42
out. Oh, nice. That didn't make you go to church. Oh, that's exciting. I did.
Jill Griffin 42:46
So tell us a little bit about momentum, though. Tell us about the gym and how that feels different, creating a space of your own, and how what that looks like compared to other gyms. Why are you different?
Hillary Valentin 43:00
So when I started training my first, beginning of my career, I worked for a small studio. I loved the setting of a small studio where is very personal. I then moved on to the edge, where, when I first got hired by the edge, it felt like that. But then, you know, just being in a corporate setting, you do pick up on the fact that, like, it's still a corporation, and there was a lot of things out of my control, of how I wanted to train my clients. We were told of how to do a lot of things, you know, how to sell supplements to clients and, you know, and a lot of things. I was like, I don't really like that. And at the end of the day, any job you have, you are in sales, you're either selling yourself, selling a product or selling a service. So at the end of the day, everything is sales, but I just felt like I was selling to sell and I wasn't selling for the benefit of my clients. So I always felt very held back by that. So after covid, when everything reopened, that's when we my husband and I decided not to go back to the to the gym. During covid, the edge told us to cut off ties with our clients, that if we continue to have conversations with our clients, we had to make sure we stated that we were not representing the edge. And I'm sure that had a lot to do with legal reasons, because everything was we were not technically employed at that time, and so I was definitely not going to I felt like that was gonna be like abandoning my clients. I felt that during that time of covid, while we were all locked in our homes, that's where my clients needed me the most.
Jill Griffin 44:37
You trained me during that time. I think we did Zoom, zoom. We did zoom. You had my, I have my that's when I started training in the garage. That's
Hillary Valentin 44:46
and that's where it all started. That's where momentum started, really, I just, I stayed in touch with my clients, and a lot of people would make comments like, I wish you could just train me. So we started doing zoom classes. And we like did one day a week. It was a half hour class. I remember sitting on my Ottoman in my living room running a workout class of people in their garages, basements, living rooms, kitchens, like everything. And before we knew it, we had like 30 people calling on to the Zoom class. And it got to when I was like, I can't see these 30 tiles. We need to offer more classes throughout the week and spread these people out. And then people started asking for like, one on one time. So we started doing, like, Zoom one on ones. And that grew. And then when things started reopening, but the gyms weren't open yet, we I started going to people's houses, and I was training them in their driveways, or meeting them at the trail or the park. We were just giving them all over the place, and,
Jill Griffin 45:38
oh, I remember going to that class at the park that time, yes,
Hillary Valentin 45:41
like, and it was doing really well. So when the gyms reopened, a lot of people were still hesitant to go back to a gym, you know, like, things were still uncertain. People were still scared. And I, a lot of my clients, were like, I don't want to go back. And so Harvey and I were like, just having that conversation with, what is this best move for us? At the time, we didn't think we were going to stay in Connecticut long term. So we were like, Why are you go back to the edge when our clients aren't going back and we have to start all over, building up a clientele to what leave in a few months if we do relocate? It just didn't make sense. And we were also seeing how much of our paychecks were not like coming to us working for someone else. So we were like, Let's just try to do this on our own. So that's where we when we first started, we started as h and h, because everyone called us h and h from Hillary and Harvin, our families call us h and h. So it just we were in a pinch. We just came up with the the name really quick, h and h and, you know, so we started the business, we're five years and we just rebranded to momentum, and we really felt like H and H, as much as it like described us, it didn't describe us and what we represent. And, you know, through both of our personal lives and then our married life and growing our family and growing our business, we've had a lot of things try to knock us down. And I'm sure that anyone can relate to that who has started a business, there's a lot of obstacles. There's a lot of things just constantly pulling you back that make you question, is this worth it? Should I be doing this? Would it be easier? You know, we had a lot of conversations of it. Are we being unfair to our kids with this lifestyle that we're pursuing. You know, you know, should we just go back to management jobs or corporate jobs? Have more of a stable schedule with our kids, more steady income for our kids? So again, a lot of things that felt like there it was, pulling us back, and we just kept saying, No, we're just going to keep pushing through. We're going to keep using our momentum to pull momentum to push through. We're going to keep looking looking forward, moving forward. And that's where the name momentum came from. It really represents like who we are as business owners, as trainers, that life is always going to try to knock you down, pull you back, but use that momentum, again, from that discipline of those healthy habits to keep moving yourself forward. And so that really just represents us in our studio. I love the culture we have at our studio. We have clients that are 12 year old athletes, all the way up to 75 year old seniors, wide range people who compete High Rocks, people who are pregnant, postpartum, recovering from injuries, wide range of clients, and we have great clients. And I love when someone comes in and they check out the studio for the first time and they're just like, oh, this just feels safe and welcoming. And that's that's what we liked, that's what we wanted to create, and that was our dream with starting this business, not this intimidating feeling that a lot of people get when they think of the gym. The gym can be very intimidating. That's why I don't even call our studio a gym. I call it a studio because I feel like you say the word gym and it just sounds intimidating, and people get nervous and tense up. And I just want people to feel not warm, but welcome when they come in.
Jill Griffin 49:04
So and you have a high rocks competition coming up.
Hillary Valentin 49:09
We do. We're leaving for Chicago tomorrow. Um, there's nine of us going. I am my husband and I, Harbin and I are running a mixed doubles together for the first time. This will be my so we were introduced to High Rocks through, I don't know if well, Jill, you know DECA. We found High Rocks through DECA. So our good friend Kevin Gregory owns underdog fitness, also in Wallingford. He is a deco World Champion, and I, we were trying to get what was that? Sorry. He's a beast. You crazy. He's crazy. I love him. He's crazy. He invited we were trying to get pregnant with Hendrix at the time, and, you know, having a hard time. And Kevin had reached out to us because he was hosting a DECA event at his gym. So. Yeah, and so Harvin was very intrigued, because Harvin and I have both as former athletes. We really have been, you know, we talked about pouring into ourselves, really trying to find something that would be for us, you know. And we're both competitive, and Harvin was a kickboxer, and, you know, he's tried, like, going back to kickboxing gyms and just kind of, like doing something for himself. I've tried a couple times getting it back on the ice. It just we had a really hard time, each separately, finding, like, our thing to like, pour ourselves into. And so when Kevin invited us to try a deca, I was like, I'm not really interested. Like, my mind is on getting pregnant. I don't want to do anything else. I don't want to focus on anything else. And I know if I had tried it and I liked it, I would be fully consumed and want to, like, compete and train. And then if I were to then find out I was pregnant, it would just it might. I'm a very focused person. I'm one thing at a time. So Harvin tried it, he loved it. Started competing with decas, and then through that world of deca, is how we found high rocks. And Harvin did his first one. I had then found out I was pregnant, so he did his first one. I think it was, it was the New York City one. I don't know if it was 23 or 20. It must have been 24 because I was pregnant, yeah. And he loved it. And then he was, like, full on. He said he did New York. And then there weren't that many races, because it was still new to the US. So the next race that we did was in Miami this past spring. I was six months postpartum, and I did a women's doubles race, and totally should not have done it. I talked about this. I'm like, don't rush was part of recovery. I peed myself the entire race, like, like I was peeing myself, like my pelvic floor. I believe
Molly Bierman 51:48
that recovery, that's the reality, yeah, yeah.
Hillary Valentin 51:53
But I signed up for it in October when I was pregnant, and I was like, oh, six months. I totally, I totally got this, I can do it. It was shot. I was a little shy of being ready for it, but it was so much fun. I absolutely loved it. No wait, I wasn't six months pregnant. I was only four months pregnant postpartum. Sorry, it was four months postpartum for Miami.
Jill Griffin 52:13
My rocks. This is your redemption. This is
Hillary Valentin 52:18
my redemption. So I did my first women's doubles in Miami, four months postpartum. I did my first singles race six months postpartum in New York this past year, this past month, and now Chicago, my husband, I really just wanted to race together, so that was like the priority race. But I signed up for a singles as well, which I am nervous to do two races in one weekend, but I will be one week from my from my son's first birthday, and it's 12 so 12 months postpartum, six months since I did my first race, and I really, I just want to see what I'm capable of for this race. Like to do, to do my second solo singles race 12 months post, I don't, I just want to see, I feel like I put a lot of effort, a lot of focus into my training, and if I can inspire another woman to push themselves and compete in something by this journey, like I'll be happy. You know, I just, I love, I love when I can get when I can have a conversation with another female and, you know, she says something that, like I motivated her and and put and helped her see that she is capable of something that she didn't think she was capable of, as crazy as racing four months postpartum was, again, I wouldn't recommend it. I'm very excited for this race, because I actually feel like I'm sorry. I feel like I'm just starting to feel like myself now, like 12 months postpartum and again, I don't say back to what I was before, but I'm starting to feel like myself as like Hillary and I I find that through my training and being able to focus on myself and see what I'm capable
Jill Griffin 53:57
of. Well, I'll we'll definitely be cheering you on. I know I'm excited to see how you do and get the download after the trip. And you know I'm excited to be working with you again, and I'm so glad you joined. One thing we did not tell you is that at the end of every episode
Molly Bierman 54:15
we do, we asking, yeah, we ask our interviews to give a permission slip. And the idea is to give permission to the listeners of anything that you feel like is important to you or take away from the episode. So we'll let you take it. Take it away, permission slip.
Hillary Valentin 54:31
All right, my permission slip would be, I give you permission to take one hour a day for yourself, whatever that is, whether it's fitness, getting your nails done, getting a massage, walking aimlessly through a store, whatever helps you reset and realign. I give you permission to do that.
Molly Bierman 54:53
Thank you so so much. And how can people find you if they want to check you out, check out the gym? Where can they find you? We'll obviously have your info in the show notes too, but
Hillary Valentin 55:04
yes, we are at momentum CT on Instagram. I am at Hill rocks on Instagram. I do all my updates for races and training opportunities on there, so you guys will be able to see all my Chicago stuff. We also have a few newbies racing for their first High Rock. So I'll be posting about them on there too, so we can all cheer them on for their first High Rocks through there. Amazing.
Molly Bierman 55:28
Thanks. Thank you so much. Hillary, such a pleasure meeting you. Good luck having me until next time.