Reclaimed: Owning Your Truth with Nikki Spoelstra

Jul 29

Episode 5 with Nikki Spoelstra

What happens when the life you built no longer fits who you are becoming? In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Molly and Jill sit down with Nikki Spoelstra author, podcaster, and mom of three for a raw conversation about identity, intuition, and starting over.

Nikki shares her journey of navigating divorce in the public eye, breaking free from external expectations, and learning to trust the quiet voice within. From spiritual awakening to deep grief to finding joy in the most unexpected places, Nikki reminds us that healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.

This episode is a masterclass in choosing yourself!

Speaker 1 0:01
So excited.
Molly Bierman 0:05
Welcome guys to no permission necessary. I am super excited today to have Nikki Spoelstra as our first interview.
Speaker 2 0:15
Hey. Thank you. What an honor.
Molly Bierman 0:21
Yeah, I mean you, I'm gonna read your bio, and then we're gonna ask you all the fun questions. And you know, our vision for our interviews has really been born out of, who do we admire, who do we respect, who do we want to learn from, grow from, and laugh with, right and so for all those reasons, you were picked as our first guest.
Nikki Spoelstra 0:48
Thank you. Yeah, you're
Molly Bierman 0:51
welcome. So for the listeners, Nikki Spoelstra is a modern matriarch and an award winning educator. She is an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, a divorce, mom of three, a dog, mom and a former teacher of the year. Nikki created her podcast in 2021 to highlight stories of tenacious women the becoming her podcast an exclusive online women's community help women to become the her of her her highest desires. The show has been nominated for the People's Choice podcast award and two Gracie Awards, which honor exceptional women in podcasting and journalism. Nikki is passionate about the arts, giving back to the community and physical, emotional and spiritual wellness. Nikki and her family currently reside in Coral Gables, Florida. Welcome.
Nikki Spoelstra 1:46
Thank you. Yeah, I struggle with bios, right? I'm like, you have X amount of words to describe everything that you are, and I'm like, there's not enough space. There's just not a race. Because I'm a lot of things, right? Like I'm, I'm too much for a bio, but that pretty much sums it up.
Jill Griffin 2:05
We wanted to have you on, right? I think all of all three of us are too much period for a lot of people. Never mind a bio, right? Yeah,
Nikki Spoelstra 2:14
so true. How many times have I heard that in my life is like, one too many? Yeah? Yeah. I know. I kind of take it as a compliment now, now I take it as a compliment. I'm like, Yeah, I'm a lot,
Molly Bierman 2:26
yeah. I was gonna say, Well, how have you capitalized on that? That's like, a great place to start, because so many women, I can't tell you how many women I come across that we talk friends, family, acquaintances, where they say, I feel like I'm too much,
Nikki Spoelstra 2:41
yeah, someone, a guy that I dated briefly, once we had this, like, very fast romance, right? And it was so beautiful, and I learned a lot from that experience. But he was like, It's not that you're too much, you're everything. And I was like, that is, right? Like I am everything, like, and not in an arrogant way, but like I am everything. Like, women are so multifaceted. We are so many different things. I'm not just a mom. I'm not just an ex wife or former wife, or, you know, like, what? I'm not my accomplishments or the things that I've done in my life. I am so many things. I am so multifaceted and multi dimensional. Like, where do we begin? Like, am I too much? I don't know. Maybe I'm too much for for some people, but that's like, their thing. Like, if, if somebody says I'm too much, that's not really an assessment of me. It's an assessment of their comparison of me to them. Like, when I'm not trying to compare myself to anybody, right? I'm over here, like, living my life. I'm over here focused. I got my eyes on my own mat, my own yoga mat. That's what they say in yoga. I'm not, like, looking over there. I'm not trying to compare myself, of my muchiness Compared to your muchiness. Like, that's an Alice in Wonderland thing. You know, I'm just, if somebody thinks I'm too much that, to me, is their their own shit, like, that's their own assessment and comparison to themselves and where they are. And in my line of work, in speaking with women and helping 1000s of people, my goal is to stop comparing and competing and more like, just set a bar for ourselves, right? Like, and if my bar inspires you to shift your bar in your own world, in your own way, amazing. But I will no longer let anybody see my bar, of where my bar is for myself and my life, and say, oh, you should really change your bar. No, no, but if my bar makes you uncomfortable, you can look at yours, right? So a lot of times in my platform, I try to hold up simply a mirror, right? And so the phrase too much is really just a mirror for where somebody is for themselves. I am not too much. I am everything. And I might not be able to be everything to another person, but I am everything for me.
Molly Bierman 5:09
I mean, I feel like it's of the highest compliment that that gentleman was able to give you that gift. I mean, it feels like a really big gift to be able it was area.
Nikki Spoelstra 5:19
It changed my perspective, you know? And it's, it's funny because, like, I don't like to put too much stock in what people say about me, right? But it just took a simple, like, shift in perspective from that guy that I was like, wow, I really am. And it's funny because that didn't that that thing was, like, a short that had a time frame in which it came into my life and and I learned so much about myself in that one simple mindset shift. And so I'm really grateful for that experience. And you know, it's possible that other people said it to me in different ways, and that's why I think that having a podcast is so amazing, because something that really kind of prevented me from starting the podcast sooner was, like, who needs another podcast? Who needs another girl talking about her stuff and helping people? Right? Because it's like, everybody's out here doing something similar, but like, it doesn't matter, because, like, you're speaking to your audience in a way that they're able to hear you, right? So, and it's all about timing and and the way that somebody is able and open to receive the information, because five years ago, maybe they weren't open to receiving the information, but they stumbled upon your podcast, and they happen to be in the right space and time to receive the information in the way you specifically are saying it right. So it's possible that, like, I've been hearing this message too, like, Oh no, you're everything. You're everything. You're everything. You're everything from a lot of different people, but it I happen to be in the right space and time and mindset to receive it in a way that like resonated with me and was able to like it, was able to like shift my perspective and trajectory of how it was going to move after that point in time.
Jill Griffin 6:55
Well, we say that there's no coincidences, right? There's absolutely and I feel like there is, whether it's God universe, whatever you believe, divine intervention. I think that we get those people in our lives that may have a blip of influence, but we remember that moment, that phrase, whatever they say, and it was meant for us to receive it in that moment, so strangers can be highly influential, right? It doesn't happen Absolutely, one of these most important people in your life. So I love that story. I
Nikki Spoelstra 7:28
find that some of the most important people in my life are, like, not the most influential. Like, I really do because, like, I think, like, it's hard they they understand too much nuance of your life. They understand, like, too there's they're biased. They're so involved in your life that there's so much bias, right? Where it's like, if I've worked a program of recovery, I've been in the 12 room, in the rooms of AA, working a 12 step program. That's my personal journey that I'm I'm comfortable enough to share. And it was those strangers that helped me the most, you know, like people that knew nothing about me I knew nothing about them. Like that's where I found the most growth, was listening to the stories of complete strangers having no bias or like opinions about the inner workings of their lives. You know, the people that are closest to us, they have opinions. They have opinions,
Speaker 1 8:19
opinions.
Nikki Spoelstra 8:20
We've done right, and that's okay. That's okay. Like, if I go to some people that are close to me in my life and I ask them for their opinions, because I'm like, okay, this person has XYZ background, I want that person's opinion for this specific subject. You we all have that friend we call when we want to be listened to, when we want to straight up vent, when we want to talk shit, when we want to be held accountable. There's different friends for different friends for different things in different seasons of our lives, great, but sometimes it's the stranger on a podcast or in a women's community or in a chat or in an anonymous room that is going to be able to give you some, like, profound insight that you never saw coming, that is gonna, like, change your trajectory, right? That you didn't know was gonna happen?
Molly Bierman 9:01
Yeah, absolutely. And I would say too, you know, kind of going back to the yoga mat, right? I specifically remember, you know, being on a yoga mat, or, you know, you know, theoretically a yoga mat, and looking at others, right, comparing to others, feeling like if I could just get there, or if I could just get here, and when I really did follow that mantra of keeping my eyes centered on my mat. That's really where the growth happened. That's where the growth happens. I can still peer over to make sure I'm on track, you know, with, you know, my community or my goals, right? Like I can glance out and glance back, I can glance out and glance back, but when I'm so focused on somebody else's trajectory or their growth, it really doesn't allow for me to be hungry for what I need, right? And so when would you say. Say that you really shifted that perspective, because I think we all are human beings rooted in a level of fear, and I know that, like we've had some conversations prior to this podcast about that. So where do you feel you moved, kind of from that fear based of what everybody else is doing to what I'm doing. Well,
Nikki Spoelstra 10:22
there's a couple things here. Like, first, I think it's important to have people that you aspire to be more like. I think it's important to have people of inspiration in your life, whether they're strangers, are known to you, right? Like, I want to be more like Gabby Bernstein, right? Like, or, I want to have the inner peace that Glennon Doyle is projecting now, also knowing that we only see the highlight reel of their lives, right? Okay, we only see, like the best foot forward of these things. Those people are real ass people, and they have real ass problems, just like the rest of us, right? So, like, nobody's perfect. No story is perfect, but I do think it's important to have goals, and not only to have goals, but then to have systems. Like James clear talks about in his book, atomic habits, to have systems in place. Because your goals without a system are lofty dreams that were never gonna happen, right? But I will say that the shift in going from fear into like, propelling me into action, it was this, like, really wild thing of like, seeing other people, like, I've had these ideas forever, right? I've had these ideas forever. And then I'd see a girl on the internet, a friend, a stranger, whatever, doing it, and I'd be like, she started a podcast, but, and I'd be bitter, I'd be envious. I would say, oh my gosh, I had that idea three years ago. Yeah, yeah, babe. And the difference between you and her, she did it scared and everything she probably she was, maybe she was scared. Maybe she didn't have all the resources, maybe she didn't have her shit together. Maybe she didn't have a blueprint for how to get it done perfectly, but she did it, and here I am, bitter boots, bitter Betty over here, talking about, like, Well, I had that idea first. You had that idea. Maybe she, maybe you did have the idea first, and she had the guts first. So it wasn't about fear, and it's not about fearlessness. I live in fear every day, but now I try to live in courage. Right? Courage is different than fearlessness. Like, if you're going to write something down, write it down, you can have courage and still be scared. You can do the thing while you are unsure, while you don't have all your ducks in a row. And, like, maybe it's not perfect, and maybe doing it imperfectly helps you learn how to do it better. Yeah, it's funny. Like, I have three kids, and my one son is trying to practice this left handed basketball trick. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know enough about the specifics of basketball, right? He's trying to do this left handed thing. He's like, I'm never gonna be able to do it because I'm right handed, and I don't know how to do it with the left hand, but Steph Curry can do it with his left hand. And I'm like, Dude, you got to practice the things you don't know how to do. You got to practice them and fail at them over and over and over again until you learn how to do it. You have to do the thing you don't know how to do, until you learn how to do it, right? And so here I am preaching this to a seven year old. And I'm like, girlfriend, when I talk to myself, I'm like, you just got to try it. Like, you don't know how to do it, no shit, you can't meditate for 10 minutes because you haven't tried to meditate for two right? Like, maybe practice doing the thing you don't know how to do, like, what? As a former of as a former educator, you know, I see the kids and I'm like, Okay, I take their assessment, and I'm like, Okay, you struggle to, you know, to come in reading comprehension in this one area, but you are really excelling in math in this one area. And I'm like, we don't need to practice the math. You need to practice the thing that you suck at. You need to practice the reading comprehension that you're really not that good at, sir, because you're already good at the math. Great. We're going to keep getting better at the math. We're going to keep getting ready better at that. You're not good at reading comp, right? So we're going to have to do that a little more
Molly Bierman 13:54
Well, I think Joe can speak to that. Yeah,
Jill Griffin 13:58
right. People, I just went on a rant about this yesterday, because people want the I actually saw this thing. It said the people don't want the medicine to be discipline to be consistency, right? People want the easy way out. And that's just not how life is. Life is difficult, and part of that friction that we have with practicing, right? With failing, failing, failing, until you get it, like, the pride in yourself, when you finally get to that, is like, if it was easy the whole time, I mean, we wouldn't have that pride in ourself, right? It was just be like, Oh yeah, I'm just good at this. We can't all be good at everything. It's just not reality. It's just not my
Nikki Spoelstra 14:42
biggest struggles is that, like, I'm good at a lot of things.
Speaker 2 14:47
Sounds funny, but like,
Nikki Spoelstra 14:50
as a child, I grew up, and I literally did not if I wasn't good at it, like off the bat, I was like, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it right. But then I. Was good at a lot of other things. I was good at a lot of other things. And so now in my adult life, I'm like, I'm good at a lot of things. I'm not excellent. This is one of my biggest insecurities, is that I have two big insecurities. One is that I'm not excellent at any one thing, which is a lie. And the second thing is that I'm that I'm stupid. My biggest fear and insecurity is that I'm stupid also a lie. I'm not. I'm actually excellent at a couple of things, and I am most certainly not stupid. Okay, but those are lies that my brain tells, my tells me, and has been telling me over and over again throughout my life. And I have examples of why this is true. I have like, these weird examples of like, oh, you see, you see, you're dumb. Oh, you see, you're not excellent. I can prove those things, but I have a lot more when I sit down and look at it. Have a lot more facts that support the reality that I am excellent at a couple of things, and I am not stupid. I am actually highly intelligent, right? And so I have more examples that demonstrate those things, but I happen to be like, good by nature, at a lot of the things that I like, which is a really interesting part of the recipe for finding success in things right? You want to be good at the things that you like. That doesn't mean you're going to be perfect at all the things that you like. You want to like lean into when you think about like, okay, a lot of people are doing work that they're really unfulfilled and doing, right? They're not doing work that they actually like to do. Maybe they're good at it, right? They're good at it. So they keep doing it because they're good at it, but they're not fulfilled. They happen to like something a lot. Maybe they're just okay at it, right? That's how I felt about a lot of things. I was good, like, good, like, good, as in, average, good at a lot of things, and I felt like I wasn't excellent at anything, so I was, like, leaning into things that I was really good at that made me a lot of money, but like, I was deeply unfulfilled, right? And so then going into this thing where I'm like, I love podcasting, I love talking, I love connecting with other women. I love having these deep and meaningful conversations, like, if I'm good, I'm good at that, but I'm scared because I'm not great at it, and all of these other insecurities. What if you say it plays into my fear? What if you say something really stupid? Well, then that would prove the fact that you're stupid. No, no. These are all lies like these are. They're not only just lies, but they're things that our ego does. They're rooted in ego, and our ego does a lot to protect us, but it also holds us back from a lot of things. And so I think it's really important for people to lean into the things that, even though they're like, they might just be average at, and you want to get better at them. I think it's important to, like, lean into those things and be willing to practice and not get it right, like, I listened to my first podcast episode ever, and I'm like, cringe, you know? Like, I'm like, cringe. And that was 195 episodes ago, right? And so that was a while, but four years kept going. And, I mean, I
Molly Bierman 17:58
have a really good example of this a couple days ago, there were the clips that came out on my episode of Jill interviewing me. I didn't like okay? I didn't like them. I didn't like how they were cut. I was like, so I called Jill, and I'm like, I think we have to scratch it. I think we have to scratch the episode. I mean, I was full send in another part of the world, okay? And what it really showed me, to be honest with you, was that I watched the clips, I actually didn't listen to the episode, and as soon as I actually leaned into listening to the episode, I was like, oh, it's actually okay, right? And there's some areas that, like, I would have elaborated a little bit differently, or I would have changed a little bit about this, but that's, like, the part of that's the growth moment. But what it really showed me was the highlight reel wasn't actually the reality. And for me, those reminders are so impactful because, like you said, looking at your you know, friend or acquaintance, whoever started the podcast, you look at them and you're like, it must be easy for them, or it must be, you know, come naturally for them, or whatever it is, because you're seeing the highlight reel. And so when we talk about, you know, doing things well, or doing things good or exceptional, kind of, whatever that Gage is, I think it really does have to do with, well, where does your passion and purpose align with what you're doing? Right? Because definitely you can be great at some things, but I think greatness also has to attach to some level of purpose, or you really never cross over that threshold to excellence. I mean, I don't know if that, you know, that sits for either of you, but you know, sure the purpose really needs to be aligned.
Nikki Spoelstra 19:38
Yeah, I used to be an art dealer, and I made a lot of money selling art, and I was really, really good at it, and I studied art history in college, and I didn't know when I was studying art history that your job options after getting a degree in art history are to either really pursue a PhD so that you can work at a museum at a high level. I. Uh, or become a professor, or go into, like, art sales or high school teaching, right?
Jill Griffin 20:05
So I went into art sales museum. I can't see you in a museum. You'd be surprised,
Nikki Spoelstra 20:09
but yeah, I know Me neither. Me neither. But like, I'm I like to, I do like to teach. You know, I was in a classroom setting for middle schoolers for a long time, and I really do thrive in there. And I have a big problem with the education, education system at a whole that principally I clash against. And no, I can no longer work in the school system because I from a principal level. I can't, I can't do it anymore, which is unfortunate, because you see a lot of really great teachers leaving the profession for that very reason. But beyond that, you know, going back to like, okay, get a job in art sales. And I'm like, Oh, my God, I could be selling cars right now. Like, there's no purpose here. I have no I could be selling books. I could be selling clothes. I could be it was just like a it felt like a traditional sales job, like, where I could be, just like, you know? And I was talking to people who didn't give a shit about art. They just wanted, like, the thing to hang on the wall as a status symbol. And, like, I'm here, like, so passionate about the art, right? And I was like, there's some misalignment here for me, right? Like, and, and so I couldn't do it, because the purpose and the passion, they weren't they weren't aligned with each other, right? And so I had to find another route, and that's where I, like, went into teaching. Because I was like, Okay, maybe I'm not teaching art, but I'm teaching language and I'm teaching writing and I'm teaching history to an extent. And so like, that was felt a lot more aligned for me. And guess what? I tried that, and I realized there was from friction there, and I pivot. I think that a lot of people, you know, I think a lot of people are committed to like they have to stay in this box that they've created, and that's what they have to do for the rest of their lives. And why do we do that? Because our parents before us did that, and our grandparents before us did that, unless we're looking back at like the immigrants who left where they came from to pursue the new dream. Those were like the dream seekers, right in the world, but they pursued a better life, completely different. But after that, the generation that came after that, they pursued stability, right? They pursued stability.
Jill Griffin 22:15
And people don't want to take the risk out of stability, because where the fear comes in, right? And I have this conversation with so many people. You know, are you going to regret not taking this chance more than you regret staying where you are because it's scary, it's scary, but the reality is the emotional and spiritual drain of staying in misalignment that is a very it is just so painful to stay in that place like a most
Nikki Spoelstra 22:46
costly. It costs you a lot more in the long run. You think like you make more money, right? More money, more security, more predictability by staying in the thing that you don't love. But what is costing you is your soul, right? And a lot of people aren't, aren't like doing the deep work to really like discover that, but the cost, it winds up costing you so much more in the long run than like, the risk of taking, taking the opportunity to pursue something that you might not have done before. And it might be risky, and you might be like in a series of in a time of unknown for a little bit, but the potential reward can be far greater because you're doing what your heart's calling is it got, you know, God plants your desires in you for a reason, like there's not a mistake, it's you are who you are. You are made up as you are by God source universe and conditioning, right? And some conditioning from your childhood and what you like and what you were pushed towards, and whatever like, there's nature and nurture at play here, both. And I don't think that's something we should ignore. But I think that like by staying in a space where you aren't being able to be your authentic self. Martha Beck wrote this really amazing book called The Way of integrity, and it talks about, you know, the word authenticity is getting a little bit played out by social media. And we're like, authenticity, you know, like, there's a lot of like, hype about it, so that people are to the point like, people are starting to roll their eyes around it. I don't I think that it's like the key to the matrix of life. But in addition to authenticity, it's integrity, it's operating within your individual integrity, what makes you work, what makes you function, you and I, all of us, we are built differently. We might have things in common, but we are ultimately built differently. And so we might even have similar desires and created creation creativities and passions that are implanted in our hearts and minds, but our execution could look totally different. We are different by nature, and so we put ourselves in these. Brackets in these compartments of like, Oh, you do this and you do that, and you do this and you do that right, and it's all these different things, and a lot of them are actually more similar than we think they are. We just our execution of them can look a lot different. And I think it's in in us, and it's our duty and responsibility to look within and see how we express that to the world and to ourselves.
Jill Griffin 25:24
I mean faith, like plays a big part in that. And I, I see a lot of people in our society and culture today really moving away from their faith. I'm not talking religion, I'm talking their faith, right, their connection with universe, source, God, and if, if you have that hole in your soul, right? Money's a good thing to fill that with power success, right, which can lead you to that misaligned place, but it's also a good segue. I listened to one of your podcasts recently, and you were beautifully talking about how you kind of teach faith with your children, and how faith is such a big part of your life. Do you want to speak about that a little bit more?
Nikki Spoelstra 26:03
Yeah, you know, it's funny. So my I'm not Jewish. I grew up in a home where my dad was raised Jehovah's Witness. My mom was Catholic. She's Puerto Rican. She was Puerto Rican, and she, I think, lost her faith along the way, because all the terrible things that happened to her. And so by the time my dad grew up, he and his sisters, they stopped practicing, and they stopped participating in Kingdom Hall and all the things that traditional Jehovah's Witness people participate in. And so I grew up with a very like Hallmark experience of the holidays, right? Like it was Christmas, we celebrated Christmas, but there was no religion or faith that was actually associated with it. And so when I was little, I asked my dad, what happened? I started having questions naturally, right? Because children do that about, like, what happens when we die? And he's like, Well, you go in the ground and the worms eat you. And I'm like, morbid, but makes sense? I'm like, I'm like, yeah, like, we decompose. I get that like that tracks like that makes
Speaker 1 27:11
sense. Like
Nikki Spoelstra 27:12
we turn into dirt. We turn into dust. Got it makes sense? He's like, or they can put you in an oven and fry your ass, right? And I'm like, like,
Speaker 2 27:21
Oh, also makes sense. He's like, it doesn't work because you're already dead. I'm like, okay, I can live with that.
Nikki Spoelstra 27:30
But I'm like, hold up, hold up. Hold up. What happens to like our insides? And my dad said, Well, your soul lives on in the people that you impacted, how you are remembered, the legacy that you leave, like how you treated people, right? This? I was like, Huh? That makes sense. So it's how my children will remember me, how you know society will remember me, how people you know you could go in from your inner nucleus and you can go outward from there, and the people you impacted. I'm like, that makes sense. I'm like, is there heaven? Because I've heard about heaven at school dad, and he's like, I don't think so. I'm like, you know? And then so I went through this, like, whole thing of like, Only weak people need God. I was like, weak people need to believe that there's heaven, so that, because this life isn't good enough for those weak people, and they need to believe that they're gonna go somewhere afterwards, right? And now, I still don't believe in heaven, and I still don't believe in hell, but I do believe that I am weak, and I do believe everybody is weak, and I think that we all need God, and how we understand God, because we are not meant to do life alone. I do believe in a higher power. Today, I believe that. I do not I cannot guarantee what it is. I just know that it's there, and I know that I'm connected to it. Okay, so my kids go to a Jewish school. My older kids go to a public school where they're not teaching religion. But we do pray. We do talk about God. We talk about God very openly, like my one of my sons is like, He, God is He? And my other son is like, stop calling it he. You don't know if it's a girl or a boy. And I'm like, okay, and I open the conversation. I'm like, why would you think it's a boy? Well, I don't know, because everybody else says so I'm like, Okay. I'm like, other other kid. Why do you think it's not a girl or a boy? He's like, because I can't see it. I could just feel it. I can just feel God. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3 29:33
is that the younger kid?
Nikki Spoelstra 29:34
Yeah, my middle one.
Jill Griffin 29:37
Kids know, though, kids, kids know. I remember. I remember young my daughter, because my husband's mother passed away long before she was born. And there were times when she was like, four or five years old, she'd be like, yeah, Grandma Gail's here. I can feel her, or I can see her, and I'm like, You know what? What happens as a child is that you don't have that conditioning yet of what's correct possible? And I correct. As an adult, we really talk ourselves out of what the miracle like. The possibilities of miracles are in our lives, I think for us three especially, and we have different stories, but I know that miracles have happened in my life. Specifically. There have been moments of divine intervention. And if there is not a higher power, those things would not have happened 100 I should be dead, right? But when I see my child be able, or when you see your your children be able to explain that, right? I can feel God. It's hard for adults to get to that place if we're not having those conversations and really like building that up in our children, because that that's a real thing like that. Yeah, experience,
Nikki Spoelstra 30:41
we talk about how God is in everything. And so, like, they'll then they'll go on this whole rant, it's so funny, like, I just give them this much, and then they go, like, go with it, right? And they're like, God is in everything that we do. And when we pray and we talk at the dinner table, we talk about what we're grateful for. And like, they always say, like, I'm grateful that God is in everything that we do. And so they started asking me questions. They're like, well, is God in the lamp post? I'm like, No, God is not in the lamp post, but God is in the person that made the lamp post, right? Is Oh, is God in the building? Did God make the building? I'm like, No, people made the building, right? People made the building. But peep, God is within people, right? He'll be like, Is God in the trees? I'm like, God is in the trees. Because God is energy. We talk a lot about God being energy, right? And so when we die, right? Was this something that I talk about in my household? It's like our energy goes somewhere, right? It goes out into the world in the same way that our energy now within our bodies, within the compartment which we live in, our energy goes out into the world by our speech, the way that we treat people, the way that we serve, the way that we show up, the way that we live our divine purpose, the way that if my son wants to be the next Steph, curry, I'm like, you are doing that like then you get to do that. That is your divine expression, right? The other one wants to paint. You paint. The other one wants to play industry. You do that. You want to be a plumber. You do that because you know what you're being of service. And I talk about doing everything with the intention of service. I think that the antidote to suffering is service, right? I don't care if you're a garbage man, if you're the plumber or garbage woman. I don't care if you whatever you do, if you invented a business like the goal is to be of service to another person, another living or to be a problem solver, right? And in serving ourselves, right? People think like, oh, yeah, well, that sounds like a lot of sacrifice. I have to sacrifice myself. No, no. When you serve others, you serve yourself, and when you serve yourself, you serve other people. And there's a difference between serving yourself and being selfish. There's a huge difference between serving yourself and being selfish. If I serve myself by doing what I love, which is podcasting and hosting women's community, by default, I happen to be serving other people. If my gift was to be a dancer, at one point it was again my dream to be a professional dancer, which I achieved, to some extent, my gift of serving myself as a dancer, as a professional dancer, served other people it did by the gift of performance. People pay to go to dance shows. People pay to go to concerts where there are professional dancers. People pay to go see people perform. You pay to go to a basketball game. You pay to go to a football game. You pay to P see other people live in their divine gift, right? And those spectators are living a dream by caressing through you. And so you're giving them something. You're giving them hope. Ultimately they're getting you're giving them an escape. You're giving them a dream world. And so you are providing a service by by servicing yourself. A lot of people wish that way. What would
Molly Bierman 33:55
you call that chapter of your life? I mean, you know, I know that through connecting with you and knowing your you know different chapters a lot of times. You know, I think we're looked at as like, Oh my God, we've lived so many different chapters in our lives, right? Yeah, like, we have to be at least 100 years old by now for all the hours that we've survived and lived through. So dance being so important to you at once, you know, during a season, right? What, what was that chapter of your life and kind of, what would you name it?
Nikki Spoelstra 34:26
Oh, my gosh. You know, I was, well, first of all, I was in survival mode. Big time. I was in college. I was working three jobs to support myself. I got kicked out of my house, my family home when I was 18 years old. My dad got remarried. It was like a whole Cinderella situation. He moved his new wife in with her daughter, and was like, you gotta go. And it was devastating. I didn't speak to my father for six years, and anybody who follows me on Instagram now is like, Oh, you. Your dad is super involved, and he is. He's a great dad. But there was a time in our relationship where, like, we didn't talk. I didn't fuck it with him. I just did not I was like, ew, you suck, right? Yeah, so I'm over here at 18, financial completely, financially independent from my my parents. I'm paying my own rent. I'm paying my own tuition. So I was working a lot. I was a professional dancer for the Miami Heat, and I also danced for Latin artists, Mark Anthony, Jennifer Lopez, Prince Royce, but whatever, a lot of Latin artists, right? I'm also teaching 12 dance classes to children a week. I'm working at a at Diane Von Furstenberg, which is clothing boutique at a fancy mall here in Miami. And I was Go, go dancing at nightclubs, right? Like, so, like you go to the club. I was at, at the club dancing. It was great fun because there's I was with all my friends. To me, it was better than being a bottle service girl, because I didn't have to talk to people. I'm like, not fuck you. I don't want to talk to you. I'm like, I don't want to talk to you drunk. I just want to perform. Just leave me be. Yeah? I'm like, I just want to dance at the club and have no one talk to me, right? So I'm like, not sure. I'm like, I realize I can make a lot more money as a bottle service girl, but like, I don't I, like, I'm not trying to talk to your idiot ass drunk and that, no, I
Jill Griffin 36:06
drank so much of the bottle to be a bottle service
Speaker 2 36:08
girl, I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to do it that. I was, like, doing shots while I was dancing, but at least I was, like, burning it off. I'm like,
Nikki Spoelstra 36:16
right? Like, I'm in the background, like, I'm like, I'm still working. I'm still here dancing. So whatever at the time, dance was like, even though I was in a big struggle in my life, right? And I was trying to make ends meet, it was like, so alive. And people ask me, really, what the most? What the thing I miss most about like, performing. And while I felt so alive performing, I felt like I could be anything while I was on the stage, what I miss most, what I realized, and this is how it's all divinely connected, is I miss the camaraderie of the locker room. I miss sitting down with my my teammates and my sisters doing makeup and talking shit and being like, what'd you do this weekend, and what's going on in your life? And, hey, teach me how to do my eyelashes like that. I can't put eyelashes on. Teach me how to do that. Hey, how do you do that thing with your hair? Right? I miss the sisterhood of it.
Speaker 4 37:06
Yeah, right. So
Nikki Spoelstra 37:07
that's what, even if you take me from there, like, that was a seed that I was like, how I'm missing something about after I have kids and after covid is happening. And I, I left teaching, I'm like, I am missing something big community. And it Yeah, and it wasn't being on stage. And yes, I miss being on stage, right? It was the community. It was the sisterhood. It was having a family to go to. When my family was falling apart, right? When I got kicked out of my house, I don't have a relationship with my mom. My dad just went and did the whole Cinderella thing. My family were the girls that I danced with, were the women that I danced with, were the people, were the friends that I made, the family I created. And so after a postpartum experience where I'm like, so isolated, I had just had children. You know, I'm coming off being newly sober. I'm getting sober during covid, my then husband was away for three months. Do in the NBA bubble. I'm alone with two little babies under two years old, thinking, how am I going to do this? That's when I found, you know, a 12 step program that guided me into my recovery, again, a community, right? Then I'm like, I want to amplify this. I want to do more with this. That's where I start the podcast, right? And I start to build a little cult following, right? Its own little, tiny cult following, but a cult following nonetheless, of people who are seeking what I'm serving, and they're taking it and it's impacting one person, and then it's impacting more by whoever they touch and impact. And now I have the becoming her community, right? Where we have 37 members, again, small but mighty, where we are doing the work every single week together. Right? We have a community. We talk about things, we bounce ideas off, and then we're talking about people, women from all walks of life, with different sets of resources and abilities and skill sets that are coming together every week to do this. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is what I've always wanted. Yeah, it's, this is what I've always wanted. I've wanted this family, this community, this, this, this feeling to come back to me, that, to be fair, I've had since I was a kid, and on my gymnastics teams, on my on my cheerleading teams, and on my dance teams, and let's be real, none No, none of that's perfect, because girls can be catty, you know, but you learn, you learn how to interact with people. And I think that one of the biggest disservices, and this is kind of like off topic of where we go, what we're talking about right now, but it is all connected. Is like one of the biggest disservices we can do for our kids, to solve all of their problems. They don't like their teacher. We give them a schedule change. We're like, we go to the office. We're like, my kid doesn't like that teacher. Get them out of that class. That is the biggest disservice you can do is teach your children, but they don't have to. You know, do we have to tolerate mistreatment? No. Do you learn? Have to learn how to interact with people you don't always like or agree with. Yes, you do,
Speaker 1 39:47
yes, yes you do, yeah. And I, you know, it's so funny because,
Molly Bierman 39:53
you know, I was not a professional dancer, but I competed in dance for many years. And the community that we built, it's. Still to this day. I mean, it wasn't that long ago, a few summers ago, that we all got together for like, a little reunion, all those specials with their kids. And what I tell people all the time is like it wasn't Yes, dancing. I loved it. I want my daughter to dance all the things. And what was the most special was the late nights in the hotel room, like pranking instructor having the, you know, powwows, you know, in the middle of, you know, our dance studio, because that's where we lived and breathed all of our free time, right? And it really taught me how to be a mom, how to have relationships with women, how to connect with others. And yeah, that got lost right through my addiction and through my challenges. But at the end of the day, when I stepped into recovery and I was like, I don't know how to get along with women, like it wasn't that I didn't know. It was just lost, and it came back fairly quickly, like those women, ties and those threads that became my lifeline for a different season of my life has catapulted me into opportunity, connection I love when you said, you know, they are, and I don't want to miss quote this. You were like, they're, I'm serving something that they God. It was like, What did I say? It was like,
Nikki Spoelstra 41:34
I said something I'm, like, I don't know,
Molly Bierman 41:35
whatever. Yeah, they're accepting something that I serve. Or they're, you know, it was more eloquent than that, but you know that we're giving out this energy and this information and this guidance and this love that really has elevated people to have a new experience. You know, all of those experiences built you up to this platform of you being able to share that on a podcast right, or in a 12 step group, or in a community of professionals. I mean, I know right now you're use utilizing your skill set to, you know, develop community for kids, right? I understand that you're, you know, building a playground for children in your community. And like,
Nikki Spoelstra 42:20
yes,
Speaker 1 42:21
that's, you know, what a gift,
Nikki Spoelstra 42:24
you know, that's um, that's a set something that's really, really, um, really dear to me for more reasons than people think right from the outside. It's, it tracks and it checks a lot of boxes for the things that I'm passionate about. Okay, so, like, it brings communities, families together, right? It's under a public transportation system where Miami has notoriously terrible public transportation. So it's elevating the public transportation experience. It's right next to a library. I was a former teacher, and so like it's giving kids access right to to the things, to resources that they need, while bringing families together and making it beautiful, I like things to be beautiful. It's one of the things I like, whether anybody likes it or not. I like everything around me to be beautiful, as I see beautiful, right? Which, you know, is obviously very, very subjective. But a bigger part of that is that, you know, people come into wealth in a couple of different ways. You either are a wealth generator or a wealth inheritor. Okay, that's the reality. You either generate it yourself, which I'm kind of, I think of myself as kind of a hybrid, because I've worked my whole life, and while I have had not generated my own wealth of like extreme proportions, I had generated enough wealth to take care of myself comfortably before I got married. Now, other ways that people come into wealth is by inheritance of some sort, whether your parents have left you money, whether they have set you up for success, whether you have become a widow or by a divorce, you have a trust fund. These are ways people come into wealth that are not associated by being a wealth generator, and you can be both. You can be a wealth generator and a wealth inheritor. Now I have a lot of discomfort around my reality of being a wealth inheritor. Okay, that takes a lot of courage and a lot of like vulnerability for me to even say out loud, I don't like that. I'm a wealth inheritor, and that's wild, because I don't even judge other people for be being wealth inheritors. I'm like, I'm like, good for you, your parents left you some money. That's nice, right? But for me, I judge myself. I feel sick about it. Why? Why
Speaker 4 44:53
do you think that is?
Nikki Spoelstra 44:54
Why? Why? Because I have my own hang ups. That's like my own work that I have to continue to do, right? That's my own work. I have to continue to do, maybe I feel undeserving of society
Jill Griffin 45:05
that that reduces the shame around it, right? Of course, if we don't, then it just takes it becomes stronger and stronger, and we go down a different path with those insecurities and those those negative cognitions.
Nikki Spoelstra 45:19
Exactly so the park that we're talking about, because of my discomfort around being a wealth inheritor. First of all, I feel that the endless need to prove that I'm also a wealth generator. I'm like,
Speaker 2 45:33
No, everybody, everybody. I swear I'm a wealth generator too. I work. I do stuff, right? Like,
Nikki Spoelstra 45:40
who, who am I proving this to? Like, it doesn't even matter. But the reality is, like, I have those isms also. So, like, I don't sit here and talk as if I am, like, so holy and so perfect and so grown and so healed and so, like, elevated, that I don't struggle with my own shit, right? I have my own shit around being a wealth inheritor. So what have I done? I'm like, Okay, well, this is my reality. Some of it feels icky. I don't love it. So this is gonna sound nuts, but like, I'm watching, I was watching Ozarks. And I'm like, that's called money laundering. I had never heard of money laundering before that, until that show, right? And I'm like, okay, so this guy is, quote, cleaning money. I want to be really careful so that people don't take this out of context. But out of context. But I'm like, appropriately, don't worry. Money is energy. Okay, this is where I'm going with this. Listen, hear me out. Money is energy. You did a job, you earned money, you spent energy, and you got money for your energy, right? Money is energy. I don't like the energy that my money holds right now. I don't like it now. That makes so what am I gonna write? I don't like it. It makes me go ill. It gives me the heebie jeebies. It gives me cringe. It gives me the ick. I don't like it, right, but it's here, and I'm grateful for it, right? It's gonna take care of me and my future and my children. Like also, there is no price on creating life, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry, but I've did three of them, so like, the world can't afford what I can do as a female. That's a side note right now. So if I have now this inherited wealth that I don't really like the energy of it, I don't like the energy of it, like, I can be like, grateful that I have it, yeah, okay, good, but I don't like the energy of it. So what do I have to do? I have to clean it. I have to clean it energetically. Not talking about money laundering, really, I'm talking about cleaning the energy of your money, right? You don't like how your money feels. Do something with it. Do something good with it. So now my goal is to put it back into the community in a way that feels good to me. I'm like, Oh, I don't like how that money feels. Make something beautiful. Take your kids somewhere beautiful, give your kids meaningful experiences. Do something that's going to make you feel good about yourself. Nikki, leave a legacy behind. Leave be, be an example of how people your age can operate in the community, even if it's not with their monetary, monetary resources, but with their treasure and their talent, their time, their time, their treasure. So for me, the park is much more than just bringing kids together. It's a service to me. People don't understand that. I don't need everybody to understand it. But it's for me, I'm cleaning the energetic feeling of my wealth to make it into something that feels good and whole and pure to my heart. And not everybody has to understand that. Most people, I think would be like, get your bad girl. That's not they're saying that already. I'm not blind, right? I'm not blind to what is said on the internet. You know, I'm a person. I see things and I'm like, okay, cool, you can think that. But, like, I carry a burden with it too, and so I have to alchemize it. No, I have to alchemize how I see it, how I feel about it, what I do with it, and what I create for other people. And so in the act of servicing myself, I believe that I am serving others. And so something that I say in my women's group a lot, it's actually one of the core, like, it's like, one of the I don't even remember what it's called, but I have something where it's like, this is how you should act. Like come correct to the group. And one of the rules of the group, the group much more eloquent way of saying it that I can't it's house rules of assortment. I don't know, I say it better in the group, but one of the things come correct, right? Yeah, but one of the things is, give more than you take, and then everyone receives, because there is a difference between taking and receiving. Right? The energy in taking is different from the energy of receiving. So if everybody gives and more than they take. Shake that everybody around us receives, receives, oh my gosh. What a gift, what a gift to be able to receive and be comfortable receiving. Because, you know what? I give so much, I'm happy I'm open to receiving. Yeah, I think that they're all I think they're all connected.
Jill Griffin 50:20
Women have a hard time receiving, I think, in general, for sure something, there's something around that. One thing I want to make sure we get to is this whole, I could talk forever, we could, we could too, we could too, we can. I'm
Speaker 2 50:33
a professional talker.
Jill Griffin 50:37
Well, all these topics are near and dear to my heart. I love getting into, like you said, I love getting into those deep conversations with people. That's why I suck at small talk. Don't put me in a small talk. I am I'm awkward, awful. I don't love it. But if you want to talk about some real deep, weird stuff, I'm into it. Let's do Yeah, but I do want to talk about the modern matriarch and like, how that came about, what that means to you, because I do think that's going to hit with a lot of women as well. Yeah,
Nikki Spoelstra 51:08
I wanted nothing more to than to be a wife like I love history. I think that women are the next that turn the head. I think that women are the neck. I think that, you know, we can run kingdoms and empires and worlds and systems if people weren't so scared of us. And I think that women, we have so much power. And I think that's what makes society at large, scared of us, is because we are so much. We are everything you know. And so growing up, I more so like in my late teens and early adulthood, I was like, I want to be a wife, right? I want to be someone who is a teammate to a person where I can elevate them and they can elevate me. And so I had this dream and this fantasy of what a matriarch was, and that it meant being the counterpart to the male in my life, whoever that might have become, right? And so I fought really, really hard to become that. And it was, it was hard and challenging for me, and ultimately I found myself becoming a co parent with the person that I had children with. And I was like, well, now my dreams of becoming a matriarch are dead in the water. And I thought I had a long think about that, a lot of journaling, and I'm like, actually, like, the way I see myself is I'm The Breaker of Chains, right? Like I am the first person in my family to get sober, like, I come from a long line of addicts and alcoholics, and I'm the first person in that line to do the work and actually become sober and sustain sobriety over a period of time. And what I have seen in doing that healing work is what when you heal yourself, you don't just heal your downline, you heal your upline. So my mom, who is in the energetic universe now, I believe that in me getting sober, I've healed her. I believe that I've healed my grandmothers, who are no longer with with us. You know, I've healed my aunts who are older than me, who are now considering their sobriety and taking a look at their alcoholism and their addiction, you know. And so when I think of myself as a modern matriarch, it is truly that, you know, I am a matriarch of my family. I am the glue that holds my family together. I am an example of what it means to take care of yourself and at the same time, you know, I think the the old school matriarch was self sacrificial. She was a martyr. The modern matriarch is not a martyr. She services her family, but because her cup is full, because she fills her cup right, and she allows others to fill her cup as well. She holds people in her life accountable. She associates herself with others she receives. She associates with people who are giving. In addition, she's not just giving endlessly and being beaten down into and sacrificing. We look at the mothers and the grandmothers who came before us, they are tired. They are tired. I am tired, but I am full, and I am enlightened and I am alive, right? I'm tired because I need to sleep more, but my soul is very much alive. I feel like I am getting and receiving more than I give, which is wild to me, because I give so much, but when I give this much, I'm receiving so much too, and I'm doing it with people that, um, that are on a similar wavelength. I as me, I feel that I'm instilling good things in my children. I feel like I'm bringing people into their lives who are caring, and I don't feel like I'm depleting myself. And I that I'm like, cutting off my own legs so that they can have them. I think about a lot about the book, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein,
Molly Bierman 55:18
such a good book. It's such a good book, and it's so sad, and I still like when
Nikki Spoelstra 55:21
my kids read it, we have a different interpretation of it every time. Like the for those who don't know the Shel Silverstein book, like you're it's a tree that basically gives endlessly to this child who becomes an adult, right? And she loves that child unconditionally, even though it takes and takes and takes and takes from her until the point that she's just a stump, right? And it's a very to me, it's a very old fashioned way of looking at unconditional love. I think that that's a tired story and one that needs a little bit of changing. I think it now. I think now it's become a cautionary tale. Yeah, you know, like where some people might have associated that at one point with a mother's unconditional love, right? You know, I do believe in unconditional love. I feel like I only have unconditional love for my children. Everything else has condition other than that, all of my love is conditional, because how you treat me is how I will like I receive that, and I I mirror that and how I reciprocate it. Outside of my kids, my love is conditional, even to my parents. If you want a seat at my table, you got to come correct now, right? And even you know kids, my love is conditional. It's not, it's unconditional. But I'm like, You still gotta come correct, because I will love you, because you are my kin. You are my offspring. You came from my body, but I will draw a line when necessary. You know, and I think, I think that, yeah, and I think that that has a lot to do with what today's version of a modern matriarch is women now have resources, we have power, we have knowledge that we didn't have before, and so it is appropriate, appropriate that the term matriarch gets redefined over time, because society has changed. Gender roles have changed. A woman's role in the household, in a family system has changed and and guess what? Women aren't cutting off their noses anymore. We're just not doing it because we don't have to, and we know that now, and that's what makes it so scary and intimidating for other people, men. We love. I love men. I love men. I really do. I like when we talk about, like, toxic patriarchy, I'm not talking about like I hate men. I'm talking about a system that scared men are deeply in their false masculine by pounding their chest being like, I'm a man. No, you're a mama's boy. You're a little boy that is looking for his mother, and every woman he meets, your mother is your mother, your wife is your partner, right? I love men. I love men who stand up like for and about women. No, that's not to say that women and women and what we do is always right. No, we're wrong. We're wrong a lot. I'm wrong a lot, you know. But I'm here for the men that like see women for the magic that they are, who and honor it. And there's a lot of guys who can't do that because they're scared. They need to feel like fake a sense of fake power, a sense of fake masculinity, you know. And I think that, like, I could go on a whole tangent about how feminism, like, swung us in one direction, and like, made little bitches out of a bunch of men, but I think that there's, I think we're seeing a trend in somewhere in the middle, happening, and I think that guys are stepping up, you know, I think that guys are starting to meet us where we are, and I think it's good, and I believe, I believe that it's happening, you know, because there's a lot of bitter women out there too. There's a lot of bitter women, and they'll never be, you know, what? The bitter woman will not become a modern matriarch. You can't be a bitter you can't be a bitter woman and become a modern matriarch. You can't.
Molly Bierman 59:22
What do you feel like you have given, you know, given yourself permission to change? Yep, I
Nikki Spoelstra 59:31
was thinking about, you know, no permission, required. Necessary, required, necessary permission. No permission necessary. And it's funny, because like, yeah, I don't need your permission, but I need my permission. And so, like, the only permission that is required is mine. The only permission that is necessary is mine. I do not need anybody else's permission to change my mind. I'm. I'm in charge of me, and it also comes with a lot of responsibility. Spider Man said, Spider Man said, With great power comes great responsibility. You can quote Spider Man on that, and he's, he's a pretty special dude, you know, but it's true. So like I have, I can give my I only need my permission to make changes in my life and the way that I believe. Believe things, right? My thought processes, my choices, understanding that I still have great responsibility and that my choices will impact other people, especially my children, right? So while I don't require anybody's permission, it's not necessary for me. I do require my own and I also, at the same time, must understand that as a modern matriarch, all of my choices will directly impact those around me, especially my children. And so this idea of like, no fucks given, right? No, I don't buy into that. I don't believe in, like, we don't give any shit. It's like, Good Vibes only, no good vibes mostly, if I'm living a mostly good life, then then I'm winning, because there's like, the perfection is the myth that is destroying people's lives, right? And so no good vibes only, no no fucks given. Absolutely not. I give fuck. I give a fuck. I do I care. I really do care. I care a lot. I care a lot. And I think that, like, the no F's given thing is a big lie to like, give people excuses for misbehavior.
Jill Griffin 1:01:33
This is a great segue, and I don't think we prepped you for this, but that's what makes it even better. We do a permission slip at the end episode. I love this, yes, so I think this is a good segue to kind of wrap up this beautiful, such a great segue. And have you give our listeners the permission slip that they need for their life?
Nikki Spoelstra 1:01:59
I have a couple. You have permission to be wrong. Okay, you have permission to make mistakes. You can be wrong. You can think one way, and give yourself the permission to change your mind. You can say, oh, you know what? I was really sticking to my guns on that one. But guess what? I want to change my mind, and I want to be different. A lot of us are so self righteous. We really believe we have to be a certain way. Oh, I'm I'm angry, yeah, I'm angry, and I'm gonna stay angry because I deserve to be angry. Yeah, yeah. You have permission to change your mind. You have permission to be wrong about yourself and other people, and you have permission to be yourself and live the way that you want to live. Those are, those are my permission slips. I
Speaker 1 1:02:51
love those so amazing.
Molly Bierman 1:02:54
Well, Nikki, thank you so much. I feel like we could talk for hours, and hopefully we'll be able to do a part two of this interview. Thank you for joining us, permission necessary, and we are so grateful for your wisdom, your strength and you empowering us to be able to take the risk right and start a podcast because you. Thank you contributor. So thank you absolutely.
Nikki Spoelstra 1:03:16
Thank you so much, ladies. It's been such a pleasure to speak with you guys and your audience, and if your audience is looking for more and they want a deeper connection, they can check me out. I like answer all of my DMs at Nikki saps Bo. And if you're looking for even I really do, I do, I do. And then, you know, my group, my women's community, we meet once a week on Wednesdays, and then we have webinars, monthly webinars from experts in the wellness industry. So that's available on a platform called school, s, k, O, O, L, and the link is in my bio on my Instagram. If you want more information for that, it's a great group. It's lovely meeting with people and having a sense of like sisterhood, but also like a sisterhood that holds you accountable for your shit. So I hope to if you have any questions, you can reach out to me directly, and I'd be more than happy to answer them and Ladies, thank you so much for giving me a platform to speak and share with your audience, and I think you're both so amazing. Thank you, Nick,
Speaker 4 1:04:09
thank you.
Speaker 1 1:04:10
Appreciate you. Bye.