When Unhealed Patterns Run the Business
Episode 31 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman
What happens when unhealed survival patterns start running the business?
In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Molly Bierman and Jill Griffin explore how approval seeking, control, scarcity mindset, and performing to belong quietly shape leadership styles and decision-making, especially under stress.
Through an honest, clinically informed conversation, they examine why leadership requires discomfort tolerance, how nervous system dysregulation shows up in teams and organizations, and what it means to lead from alignment rather than survival.
This episode is for founders, directors, and leaders who want to grow without burning out or losing themselves in the process.
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Jill Griffin (00:00)
leadership requires you to be able to tolerate discomfort. I'm sorry, but if you have a low distress and discomfort tolerance, you're probably not built to be a leader.
All right, well, we have a packed schedule today for what we want to talk about. And I think it's a good good topic for founders of every type of business. Not just behavioral health, but it has that behavioral health lens, because as a licensed therapist and and you working in the field, we see how our nervous system affects how we lead. Right. ⁓ And your business is always going to reflect your nervous system.
Molly Bierman (01:25)
Yeah?
Jill Griffin (01:29)
I was just talking with Molly off camera before this. It's like, more people you lead, the more money is coming into your business, the more regulated you have to be. And so the challenges that I face oftentimes are my overreactions because I run hot, I run urgent, I wanna fix things right now. And every problem is not a right now fixing issue.
Molly Bierman (01:39)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (01:51)
And that's my nervous system sometimes. Like I want, I want, it feels like, I have to fix this. I get like nervous or like this like energy of like, I'll feel better if it's fixed. It's like, sure. But in the meantime, we have to learn how to just like sit with it.
Molly Bierman (01:51)
Well...
I think I had, I know I had that experience this week. I was contracted with my team to do a pretty big kind of audit essentially on a center that had been struggling in a variety of different ways. And I was sitting in the board meeting discussing kind of all of the different elements that needed to be fine tuned and altered and changed. And through that process, what happens is that there's typically a team that pre-exists.
And although they are looking for change and excited for change and claim that they really want to change, there is this level of uncertainty that happens, especially around new leadership, new staff, new protocols, new changes. And I found myself very much in a damage control.
kind of nervous energy where I looked at all of the things that needed to be looked at And what I really found myself doing was wanting to fix it for them. And what really needs to happen in those scenarios is that I'm putting out a layout that's gonna help set them up for success, but that they need to really have the wherewithal to...
create that foundational structure for themselves. And what that really helps us to do is that they feel a part of the building process. If I come in and build it for someone else, yes, there's an appreciation, yes, there might be some gratitude, there may be a level of connection, but it's not gonna be the same connection as it was for the individual that's in that startup position.
So that nervous energy I think also is a, like a little bit of a light switch flagging to say, Why am I doing it for them? I can do it side by side with them. I can give suggestions, but
they're looking to grow. So I think that nervous energy really is my body telling me or my mind that I'm misaligned. And I really shouldn't be operating in that way.
Jill Griffin (04:00)
Well...
Well, let's get into these, these four different ways that the unhealed parts of us show up. And I have an idea of what part that is for you, but I'll let you name it as we go through these.
Molly Bierman (04:15)
Wow. Jill's done her research, guys. I'm just looking
at this outline as of like three minutes ago. So this is gonna get spicy.
Jill Griffin (04:20)
I'm in it.
So basically in in therapy talk we talk about like parts of ourselves right and those parts are you know things that come up in childhood things that come up in different parts of our lives right and so there's the this need for balance sometimes that we that we seek and so if we feel dysregulated sometimes we I'll give an example like sometimes we
try to hyper control things or do things the way we want it to be done because that feels more ⁓ safe for us, right? So that regulation comes down to like internal emotional safety. Although those protectors and those parts, as we get into other things, they actually turn out to be like negative, like they end up holding us back or becoming misaligned, right? It's misaligned and like the bigger picture, right?
Molly Bierman (04:56)
Bye-bye.
Jill Griffin (05:11)
So as we move towards being leaders, founders, helpers in this field, we have to look at that stuff, not from a shame-based way, but we have to be aware and we have to, it's about making a choice or going back and rectifying, like, okay, this is where I misspoke or I acted in a way that it's not how I wanna show off, right? So the four different things we're gonna talk about today, approval seeking, performing to belong,
hyperindependence and control, and the scarcity mindset and survival mode.
I'm a combo between one and three, I feel like, because I really want to be told I'm right. I really want to be told. It's weird. It's like not... There's a part of me that wants validation, but it's more about being right for me.
I don't know what that is, but...
Molly Bierman (05:59)
I agree
with that, but I'm not sure that that's approval seeking.
Jill Griffin (06:03)
No, I think it's different because when I read...
Molly Bierman (06:05)
I
think, yeah, I think that still falls into hyperindependence and control. Being right is control.
Jill Griffin (06:12)
Okay, so what do you think I am?
Molly Bierman (06:14)
We tease
that out. You're the same as me.
Jill Griffin (06:16)
yeah, okay.
So just as we put it out there, like we're obviously not, I mean, we're healed in some ways, but like not every way. We're always a work in progress, progress over perfection. And so we're gonna walk through these a little bit.
Molly Bierman (06:27)
Hyper,
yes, hyper-independency control, which I love. Okay, let's start from the top though, approval seeking. Because I do know a lot of individuals and I think this impacts people in a big way in their work environment is approval seeking. And Jill I'll let you take the lead, but I definitely have some examples that I can share that I've been in a position of how I need to basically curb my leadership style, supervision style, and or mentorship style to be able to
Jill Griffin (06:33)
So what?
Molly Bierman (06:53)
with people who really do get stuck in approval seeking.
Jill Griffin (06:57)
So what this looks like in your business, some examples would be over explaining decisions to staff, to potential clients, to your current clients, difficulty with setting rates, raising your rates, boundaries around policies, enforcing policies with staff, or being wishy washy, like saying you did this policy and then maybe enforcing it inconsistently.
saying yes to misaligned clients or opportunities or even staff, and needing validation from peers, staff and the internet. I will say now that I read those examples though, that was me. That was a lesson I kind of learned this year.
Molly Bierman (07:36)
So I think that we all have these parts, right? So I think there's, for me, when I'm feeling, I really found myself doing this a lot towards the tail end of my time at the inpatient unit was kind of over explaining because I wanted to make sure that the staff felt supported through the transition. Whereas previously I would just be like, this is what it is. And that was what they were used to. So I think that also made them feel.
Jill Griffin (07:39)
Yes.
Molly Bierman (08:01)
I just got caught in a situation with somebody like this yesterday. know, over explaining, think, will make your team feel less secure and less confident because it almost is this, again, kind of going back to that nervous energy, people can pick up on that and they're going to follow whatever energy you're putting out. So over explaining decisions, I definitely think that.
Jill Griffin (08:10)
Yeah.
Molly Bierman (08:23)
Talking about financial resources, whether that comes to an employee asking for more money or raising your rates from a client perspective, there is a certain skill set that you must hold to be able to go into those conversations confidently. And that is something that I've had to spend a lot of time on with certain staff. I will say.
not everyone is cut out to have financial discussions. And I think you really need to assess, are you one of those people that feels comfortable having financial discussions with clients and or staff? And if you don't feel confident in having those discussions, that's a really great thing to bring to your supervisor and tease out. So for instance, when you're looking at a behavioral health organization, you probably have a good fraction of people from an admissions perspective and then a continuing care perspective that are comfortable talking about cost.
The people in the middle of those two pillars, probably not so much. Your clinicians, maybe your nurses, your digital marketers versus in-person business development representatives, right? Everybody has their own comfort level. And what I'll say is that if you really have to get clear with what skillset you carry, and it's okay if you don't wanna have hard financial conversations,
then probably being in an admissions role or even a business development role that I think a lot of people are attracted to probably isn't the right fit for you. Not to say that you couldn't get there, but if you don't feel like you could confidently own a room talking about financial resources and not have your own bias going on, then you might be in a little bit of a bind performing in that role.
Jill Griffin (10:04)
So where does that come from? You know, it comes from growing up, people who got a lot of praise around their performance, some conditional, what they might feel as conditional love related to how they perform, how they show up.
Molly Bierman (10:12)
Mm.
Yeah, I mean, I think that allowing individuals as they're growing up and shaping and shifting themselves into what they want to do, they need to have some sort of resilience and confidence. so really the financial discussion or even, you know, let's take finances out of it for a second. Even having a conversation with a client who is resistant to staying engaged in any sort of treatment process, right?
or an employee who is disgruntled in some way, shape or form, rather than being avoidant and seeking approval by saying, ⁓ yeah, we can meet like all these needs, right? We see this frequently. We can meet all these needs when really you can't, right? Addressing what you can acknowledge and what is not gonna be possible and being able to have that hard conversation. I think this is such a missing link.
in our space because people get thrown into positions and they don't necessarily even know how to role play out hard conversations, whether that's with staff or clients. And it really ends up then falling on a couple of your strong kind of like warriors that get called in for these tough conversations all the time. And then that kind of builds this level of like ego around those individuals in the organization where
pushing back on each individual that is in your business to try it, right? To try or ask for support and have two people in there. But I think what happens is that we highlight these certain individuals, but really not pushing the others to get to a place where they can sit in a room and have a hard conversation.
Jill Griffin (11:57)
Well, it disempowers those other people and it almost, it almost creates that like, that mother father like dynamic where like, you know which parent to go to to get the answer you want. And that, that, that plays out in organizations where, well, I know what this person's going to say. They're going to hold me accountable. So I'm to go to this one and the cost to the business. If you're approval seeking, you're going to be burnt out. There's going to be blurred boundaries.
Molly Bierman (12:07)
Yes, habits all the time.
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (12:23)
There's gonna be resentment. That's a big one we see with people that we work with. Like they resent the fact that they're working hard, hard, hard. And there's these other people, they're not doing their job because there's no accountability. You wanna be liked more than you want accountability.
Molly Bierman (12:37)
Well, that's, you know, gets into our next one performing to belong. But I do think one other note to mention on approval seeking is that there's a lot of individuals that will come to Jill or I or other colleagues in our space and say, you know, I want to open up my own business, right? Or I want to go out on my own or I want to be in a management role.
If you are well, I think what I think I think the biggest question to ask yourself is, do you feel comfortable hiring and firing?
Jill Griffin (12:59)
Do you? Do you though?
Molly Bierman (13:08)
that probably should be your answer right there. I mean hiring, everyone's like, yeah, of course, but firing, can you fire? And do you feel comfortable with it to a degree that you can sit in room and have to terminate a position? Right.
Jill Griffin (13:17)
Yeah, it always sucks. It sucks,
if it... Listen.
Molly Bierman (13:21)
And can you talk about money? Because those are the two things that you have to do in leadership capacity, right? and I'm not just saying as a business owner, but as a manager, right?
And so thinking about like a lot of those individuals coming to you and, you know, needing more money or wanting to have those conversations or conversate about how to grow or if they want to move up into a leadership role or having to call them out if they've been not performing well in their role, right? So I think overall, yes, money, hire, fire, et cetera, those are good examples, but the reality is it's kind of asking yourself,
Do you feel like you're able to have hard conversations in your life currently?
Jill Griffin (13:58)
But I also think, think it's more, those examples you give are like the pillars, but what I see more in the consistent supervision is holding people accountable to the small things because how you do anything is how you do everything. Are you pushing the boundaries on, you know, what your standards are, what your job performance looks like? Like if you're lacking in that, are we pointing it out? Are we shying away from that conversation because we don't want to upset you, you have other things going on in your life. So, you know, I think.
Molly Bierman (14:12)
Sure, sure.
Well, that goes back to
a supervision talk we could have. Yeah.
Jill Griffin (14:27)
Yeah, so
I think you don't need to have consensus with all your staff or even your clients to be ethical or make the right decisions, right? Approval does not equal alignment and leadership requires you to be able to tolerate discomfort. I'm sorry, but if you have a low distress and discomfort tolerance, you're probably not built to be a leader.
Molly Bierman (14:34)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (14:46)
And you know what, now that I'm saying that out loud, going back to one of the lessons I learned, it's like I really tried hard throughout my career. There's a few key people I can think of that I tried to push into leadership positions. They did not have the ability to tolerate discomfort or have hard conversations. And that should have been the signal right there that they weren't ready or were never going to be.
Molly Bierman (15:06)
Well, we've always, you know, we're always able to see that writings on the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jill Griffin (15:09)
in hindsight.
Okay, so performing to the long.
What's that look like?
Molly Bierman (15:14)
You know, right when you said it, think that where it takes me back to is like a younger version of me. Performing to belong probably looked like for me. Earlier on in my career is connecting with people because I wanted to kind of be a part of rather than it was going to serve the business, their business or mine.
I think we see that a lot in the kind B2B space, maybe hanging out with individuals because it feels friendly and comfortable, but doesn't necessarily push you on your skill set and your ability to grow your business. I think that performing to belong for a lot of individuals who have gone into behavioral health come from a place of most, I wouldn't say all, but a good percentage of people came from a place.
that they struggled to belong in a lot of ways and used outside illicit substances and alcohol to soothe that and then found a life of recovery but still didn't know where they fit. I think performing to belong is such a larger topic, I think as a whole, way outside of our space and pretty much anywhere that you see in our current society, whether that's kids, teenagers, adults, but as it pertains to this conversation, I think
really curating yourself to a version of yourself that maybe isn't authentic.
Jill Griffin (16:30)
I think of the chameleon.
I'm just thinking like, you're the chameleon. You're the person that whenever there's a new thing, you're offering that service whenever, like you're not really looking at like, what's my skillset? What do I, what feels aligned for me? You're just going by like what everyone else wants from you. And you're saying, yes, yes, yes.
Molly Bierman (16:48)
Well, I think that's also part of the problem in our space is that we don't really supervise individuals in a way that helps them understand where they do belong. So I think it's a disservice on the leadership side for the people coming up through the ranks, right? And I'll say that I don't feel like I really had the oversight.
to kind of figure out where I was supposed to be. There was a lot of skinning my knees, but I think that it was helpful. It just probably took me a longer time to find where my skillset really was shining. And so all that to say, I think performing to belong is really kind of, yeah, chasing the next shiny thing. You know, just not...
Maybe overselling in a way, not really being authentic to why you believe in what you're doing, right? Having like a stronger, like I think what shines more is the belief in what you're doing rather than all the new things that your company may be offering.
Jill Griffin (17:49)
The cost here would be exhaustion, just kind of like, also identity confusion, like not really being consistent in your branding, knowing who you are, people being confused. Like, I feel like we know people in the field. It's like, what does this person do? What are they doing? It's a valid question sometimes. And if I'm confused, then you're probably confused.
Molly Bierman (18:06)
regularly. I just saw that not that long ago.
Yeah, I just, yeah.
Jill Griffin (18:11)
inconsistent messaging,
teams who don't know the real you. Like I think that's very dysregulating for the team and your business. we're constantly switching gears and we don't know that we always talk about mission and vision. If our mission seems to be switching every month because we're doing a new thing or a new service or that's dysregulating to the team. And so as we talked about this, like performing to belong, I am very comfortable not belonging apparently because this is actually not me.
I and I think what's going through my mind as I say is like I say no to more opportunities and I say yes to at this point because they're not aligned. They don't make sense for me whether it's turning away clients whether it's turning on or down opportunities. It's like that's just not what I do right now. That's not that is it more of a distraction. I feel like this performing to belong in certain spaces too because there's the business leader space.
There's your business space amongst your employees, which to be fair, you don't always belong there in those conversations. There's a power differential, so you're not one of the staff in a lot of ways. ⁓
Molly Bierman (19:10)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
but I also think that that took time, right? Like there was a time in your life where performing to belong existed for you.
Jill Griffin (19:25)
I worked three jobs and went to school at one time. it's actually funny because I, I'm doing this application for something and I have to do a background check, which as a business owner, don't do background checks a lot, right? But I was like, Ooh, by the way, something might pop on there. Right. And so, which is something that I can't get rid of. It's something from my past life, whatever. I've no, I have no shame around it, but like, if this was 10 or 12 years ago,
Like I would feel the need to, that's why I over-performed because I didn't think I belonged in the professional space because of my history, because of my past. So again, those unhealed parts, that's what I'm saying. That's a healed part of me. I don't feel that anymore. I'm like, I'm past that. So I think...
Molly Bierman (20:00)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Right.
Well,
I think that's good to point out. And how does one get there? One gets there through doing their own work, through talking about that by putting, yeah.
Jill Griffin (20:16)
Mentorship, people
who mentor you that build the confidence in you that tell you and reflect back to how other people see you because those unhealed parts of us, if we're not doing the work like we don't always see ourselves the way other people do. And I think I had some really key people throughout. I had some really key people throughout my life that really I listened to this message about this this morning that really built me up and and reflected back to me.
Molly Bierman (20:32)
if we ever do, honestly.
Jill Griffin (20:43)
you know, how others see me, how God sees me, right? Like how the objective thing, because our subjective, we always have so many flaws that we point out about ourselves. You know? All right, this is our bread and butter right here. Okay, okay, we're gonna go, we're gonna do it out of order. Scarcity mindset survival mode.
Molly Bierman (20:55)
skip over this one and do it.
So that's really what we're talking about probably early. I'm going to bring you guys back. Early on not having money, but living paycheck to paycheck. If that had been your experience, it definitely was mine. Kind of having to balance like what I could pay for this week versus next really kind of put me in a position of this scarcity mindset and survival mode naturally. Like where's the next paycheck? So fear-based decisions.
potentially hoarding opportunities, know, under investing in myself, kind of dancing around, know, feeling like I could keep this job and then maybe I put my, know, dip my toe in this other area to try to build up this other side, you know, side position or whatever I was doing. what really my nervous system in my mind was always focused on was
Am I going to survive? Like those early stages of coming out of addiction and then moving into having to try to sustain myself financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, all those areas. It's a big ask, right? When you have been completely used to basically just surviving, you know, moment to moment living in this body and on this planet. And so...
When it comes to fast forward, you know, that was my initial kind of experience with scarcity mindset and survival mode. So as like time progressed, I don't know if I have as much experience to share on this because there was this level of kind of trust faith in a bigger plan. I think we're really lucky. And ⁓ I know I'm really grateful to be able to have that kind of mindset because that is really what you work towards in the recovery space. But
Of course, I've had financial insecurity at times, but for the better part of the last decade or so ⁓ or beyond, that hasn't really been something that's on the forefront. I've always kind of led with, if I do the next right thing, the next right thing is going to work out. So I don't necessarily struggle so much with that, but I do know that there is sometimes where the overworking, even when things are fine, that
Jill Griffin (22:59)
Totally.
Molly Bierman (23:09)
kind of energy will come up and I think that's more to just see how hard I can push myself but I'm probably looking at this layout it probably comes from like that old survival mode like not feeling like I could cancel on someone or feeling like I need to over schedule or over pack you know
Jill Griffin (23:26)
So I actually see this a lot in conversation with practice owners in our field. think some of it comes from financial trauma that they have, instability in their past periods where it really is survival. I also think there is this collective energy of there's not enough.
Molly Bierman (23:42)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (23:49)
I think there's a collective scarcity mindset amongst therapists who are also business owners. And I think a lot of that comes from not knowing your numbers, not knowing how to budget, not knowing how to set salaries according to that budget and not like, some of it is just the inexperience business-wise of getting to know your finances.
What I've learned is that there is a lot of avoidance amongst people in general, more more shockingly for me, business owners, they don't know their numbers. How do you not know your numbers? I mean, if you're going to avoid that because I don't want to look at that, then you're never going to know that when when you have enough. Right. And so that that kind of leads to the short term thinking. I always have to have more. mean, I can think of a couple of people that
Molly Bierman (24:17)
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Jill Griffin (24:39)
They're always calling me with, what do you think about this? I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna, you know. Can we just pause? you know, maybe you just had a big win, maybe you just went through a really big period where you were pushing hard, and can we just take a step back and rest before we like are always in this like urgent have to do more? And some of that, or I have to take the work as it's given to me because I'm not gonna get more.
I feel like on the flip side of that, an abundance mindset is like, like you said, if I do the next right thing, the next right thing is gonna happen. What's meant for me is gonna come no matter what I do or don't do. Like as long as I stay open to those opportunities. And my experience has been, that's been the case. I have had to work on, and this is something the past two years.
Molly Bierman (25:17)
I know.
Jill Griffin (25:22)
I can look at the hoarding of opportunities, finances, like under investing in myself saying like, we don't have enough because I've always felt like I had a late start in life, which, you I got sober at 24. I don't think I had any savings until my 30s probably, right? Like, I mean, so I started late compared to other people, but the older I get and the more people I talk to, I'm not actually late, right? That's the actual reality.
Molly Bierman (25:38)
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
I think that's the whole idea that, you know, that mindset of when you get sober young too, like, well, what am I going to do at my wedding? You know, when you don't even have a boyfriend, like, how am I going to get through my wedding sober? How am I going to, what am I going to do with my career? How am I going to pay my rent? Like, it's that, you know, it's that circuitry. It's still there. It's just subdued in a lot of ways because you take different actions to, again, kind of raise your purpose and passion in other ways.
and leave that fear-driven mindset kind of to the side. But it can still crop up. I mean, really where it crops up, essentially, is in our control.
Jill Griffin (26:17)
Yeah.
The control.
but I just want to make one last point about scarcity mindset because I bet you there are people listening like, of course Jill and Molly don't have a scarcity mindset. They got money or they got successful businesses or they, time out because I can tell you that there are billionaires, many of them who are the most miserable people because they operate out of a scarcity mindset. Like there's never enough. And I just think that
Molly Bierman (26:51)
Yes.
Jill Griffin (26:52)
scarcity versus abundance has nothing to do with how much you have. It really doesn't at the end of the day.
Molly Bierman (26:57)
And also,
you know, if anyone does know us and has heard earlier episodes of the podcast, we had zero, we had negative things.
Jill Griffin (27:06)
I get it.
Molly Bierman (27:08)
we were unhoused. Okay? So...
Jill Griffin (27:08)
Started from the bottom, now we're here.
Molly Bierman (27:13)
We can talk about that a little further on a follow-up podcast if anybody wants to hear. Maybe we'll do like a Q &A, that would be fun.
Jill Griffin (27:19)
Look
up, look at that definition, unhoused. Okay. Which leads us to the last section is hyperdependence and control, which is probably, that is, yeah.
Molly Bierman (27:21)
unhoused.
Well, that's why. okay, so we're
done.
Jill Griffin (27:30)
I'll just do it myself. I don't need to have anybody else do it for me. I'm not gonna doubt. I'm gonna micromanage it because I do it best. I'm struggling to receive feedback, help, mentorship. I mean, in a lot of ways, I think we've both grown in these areas. What I do think happens is that, for me, it just sometimes is easier to do it myself.
Molly Bierman (27:34)
I wonder where that comes from.
Jill Griffin (27:52)
I don't want to go through the struggle of teaching you how to do it, having ⁓ a missed expectation, of having it not done as good as I want it to be done, or X, Y, Z. I don't want to go through the struggle part of it.
Molly Bierman (27:54)
Yeah.
And this is
right, but this is where if we really want to be in a position where we're able to have freedom, number one, this is the opposite of freedom, hyperindependence and control, complete opposite. And even though it feels like it is freedom, right? And it can feel like that in the short term, but I think what I really notice about myself is that
When I'm operating in that place, number one, I can't grow the business effectively because then I'm not delegating. I'm not creating a proper infrastructure. I'm not creating an effective mid-level management system. I'm not effective protocols or policies to help things run more smoothly. Number two, it's just simply not sustainable.
Jill Griffin (28:29)
Europe. Yeah.
Molly Bierman (28:44)
I think from a family systems perspective, really doesn't offer people the ability to see you and make a mistake. That's including your children, that's including your extended family, your family of choice. So for me, I feel like when I'm in it, it's noticeable. When I'm not in it, it's even more noticeable.
a work in progress daily for me. That's what I'll say. And it's something that I have done a lot of work on and I still struggle with it.
Jill Griffin (29:10)
Yeah, I, this is one of the things I've been working on in supervision with middle management around not being the bottleneck, you know, controlling certain things, loosening control on other things. Like where's that balance? I will say this is something that crops up in certain areas for me more than others. Like for instance,
I am all about empowering my staff. Actually, I can give two examples this week of where I was like, don't know if they're ready or what's gonna come of this in terms of like the decision they're gonna make. But to one of my teams, I said to them, like, listen, I want you to start running meetings this month. I don't know if they're ready, but I know that I have to see what they can do and we have to rip that bandaid off, right? Like
Molly Bierman (29:49)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (29:56)
I'm going to give you this set of tasks. This is yours. It's 2026. This is yours moving forward. We're going to meet more frequently so I can support you if you have some trouble. But then we had this other in my other business, a pretty significant staffing issue. And I said, I'm going to do whatever you decide to do because the person came to me. What should we do? What do you want me to do? I gave zero opinion, which is hard, which is hard for me.
Molly Bierman (30:16)
Mm-hmm.
break.
Jill Griffin (30:21)
I'm
going to support whatever you decide.
Molly Bierman (30:23)
Look, I've been there. think that that's really, really, really, I think I will say that just now I'm probably getting a little bit better because I have people around me that I trust. I think the harder part is, that as your business grows, you don't trust everyone to the same level. I think that's probably where some of the barrier is, right? So when I first started with the business that we've created over this past year, I mean, there was...
people who I didn't necessarily feel like were in the right seat, you know? So now that we have moved things around and found people to fill those right seats, then you start to feel like, okay, I can loosen the reins. So, you know, it's a dance, but.
Jill Griffin (30:59)
Control is not always competence though. And I think sometimes I have to take a step back because some of the things I fight for and I want control, I want it to be done right I don't always know the right answer, but like sometimes when I dig my heels in, I have to take a step back and be like, why does this matter so much right now? And usually if I'm being honest with myself, there's a fear behind it. There's a fear behind it that something's gonna fall through the cracks, that it all ends with me. And the reality is that's not true.
Molly Bierman (31:26)
Right, right.
Jill Griffin (31:28)
and so I think as like a wrap up, everyone listening, like what parts of you run your business mostly when we're under stress, because all of these four categories that we just talked about, like these parts aren't bad. These parts actually like are really helpful to us in a lot of ways. And they, they keep us safe. Sometimes they've kept us safe in the past.
Molly Bierman (31:45)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (31:50)
They maybe have even helped build your business, but what happens under stress is these parts come out in a negative way, in a way that is like under pressure and it doesn't feel aligned. So, you know, what work do you have to do around that? You know, do you need to look for a mentor? Do you need to go to some sort of self-help group? Do you need to start maybe some therapy or some intensive work?
Molly Bierman (32:03)
Break.
Yeah, and then what decisions are you avoiding because of it, right? So that's really, you know, whether it is knowing that somebody's not in the right seat and needing to let them go, whether it's knowing that, you know, switching things around, restructuring, you know, where are you getting bottlenecked? Where are you bottlenecking yourself essentially? So.
Jill Griffin (32:34)
Yeah.
So permission slip.
Molly Bierman (32:36)
I would say permission to call on someone for feedback, really, to reach out to someone for help. If some of these things are resonating with you and you're unsure of where to turn, I would say, yeah, permission to get curious about it, permission to ask another individual who maybe has more experience than you. I don't know, I think permission to raise the bar, I think is really what's kind of coming to me. Raise the bar and kind of who you're.
surrounding yourself with and do the work, yeah.
Jill Griffin (33:02)
And do the work. And do the work.
Because the work isn't getting rid of these parts. These parts serve a purpose, but the work is not letting them run your company or your business or your life. That's where you're going to get into trouble.
Molly Bierman (33:14)
But I
would say if you know, want to share your experience or have some feedback on stories of how this has impacted your life, we'd love to hear about it. This is definitely a series that we could probably do a part two to. So give us a follow. As always, we love hearing feedback. Any suggestions on topics, interact with our Instagram, our...
website is live if you haven't checked that out and then also please give us a subscribe on YouTube which will help have the podcast reach more people. We have exciting things coming here in 2026 and as always we'll see you next Tuesday.
Jill Griffin (33:49)
Peace.
