You’re Good At It, So Now It’s Your Problem.

Season 2 Episode 3 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman

In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Jill and Molly explore why capable women often get handed more responsibility simply because they are reliable, efficient, and good at getting things done.

They discuss the responsibility creep that happens at work, at home, in family life, and in helping professions, especially when women are used to over-functioning, saying yes, or becoming the default person for every task. The conversation also explores urgency, burnout, boundaries, self-imposed pressure, and the difference between being capable and being available.

This episode is a reminder that doing less does not make you less capable, and that a clear, honest no can sometimes make you more valuable.

• TRANSCRIPTION

  Jill Griffin (00:00)

  okay, so What is on your plate right now that literally not a person asked you to do?

  Molly Bierman (00:09)

  My whole plate.

  Jill Griffin (00:19)

  Welcome back to No Permission Necessary, guys and gals.

  Molly Bierman (00:23)

  Ha ha

  Jill Griffin (00:24)

  I gave Molly an option. She she chose not to choose an option, so she's not gonna like this topic. You're not gonna like the

  Molly Bierman (00:29)

  I didn't have time. I didn't have time.

  Jill Griffin (00:31)

  topic, cause it's gonna feel like an attack. I'm telling you right now, I know that you have

  Molly Bierman (00:37)

  I'm gonna find a topic to attack you next week, I think.

  Jill Griffin (00:40)

  It

  it it wasn't even intentional. I didn't think it, but I think it's gonna feel personal because of where you're at in in just your life right now.

  Molly Bierman (00:50)

  How how clinically sound of you. Go ahead.

  Jill Griffin (00:54)

  It wasn't I mean okay. We're talking about why capable women get punished with more responsibility.

  You were good at your job, so now you have three more.

  Molly Bierman (01:06)

  That's a true that's a true statement.

  Jill Griffin (01:08)

  That's what we're talking about today.

  Molly Bierman (01:09)

  I was thinking

  about that yesterday. And I had worked all day and I was preparing for some family activities. And I was thinking about what the kids needed and how we're getting into almost school season. you know, like the random thought, Like just shit that I don't want to think about.

  and then I was on the phone with a colleague talking about a potential family to refer. And he said, Are you okay? And I was like, God, it's the first time someone's asked me if I'm okay. And I'm about 10 hours into my day. And I responded honestly, I am not. Okay? I am not. I was so tired. I felt wrecked. And I was like, you know what? I'm not okay. I'm very tired. And this is why.

  So that was because of the multiple responsibilities that were going on.

  Jill Griffin (02:00)

  So I feel like this creep happens when you're a capable person. And so I always remember the phrase that an old colleague told me years ago. And it's like, if you want something done, find the busiest person. Because that person is probably, but it's true. Because

  Molly Bierman (02:14)

  Ooh, I've never heard that before. It is true.

  Jill Griffin (02:20)

  if you think about the busiest people in your life, they're the most capable. So this creep happens where

  People code to you to get something done. And if you're not careful with your own boundaries and whatever's going on, if you're overfunctioning, you know, maybe it comes from proving yourself, maybe it comes from control issues, only I can do this right. Maybe it comes in like if I stop, I'm gonna feel things. So we stay in motion all the time. This like trauma response that we've talked about in other episodes. But

  Molly Bierman (02:51)

  Mm-hmm.

  Jill Griffin (02:52)

  if you're not careful, what happens is

  You end up taking on all these things from cupcakes at the PTO to making an agenda for some town meeting to, you know, you're doing all this stuff at work, you're building desks, whatever it is. What? But

  Molly Bierman (03:07)

  Like why? Why are we doing that?

  Jill Griffin (03:10)

  why are we saying yes to these things?

  Molly Bierman (03:12)

  It's a good question.

  I really do like that quote. I mean, find the busiest person to get it done. Why? Why is that?

  Jill Griffin (03:19)

  Because we are efficient, we know how to get shit done. But it's a d it's a double-edged sword though, because then, if I say no, am I gonna lose out on these opportunities? Are people gonna look down on me?

  Molly Bierman (03:30)

  Yes, that's a thing. Mm-hmm.

  Jill Griffin (03:33)

  I think that there needs to be some exposure therapy for you around like saying no or disappointing someone or or leaving things unfinished and going to have fun instead. Like the I think

  Molly Bierman (03:46)

  Well, that is

  one. I feel like I have no issue saying no, but the unfinished piece, I don't like that. Don't like that.

  Jill Griffin (03:54)

  I mean, I think you're good at saying no sometimes. I think then there are other seasons where I think you've been in a season, and this is this is actually not intentional, but if I'm reflecting on it as your friend, I think you've been in a season where you're you've been beyond capacity for the last for a little bit.

  Molly Bierman (04:14)

  Yeah.

  Jill Griffin (04:15)

  Yeah. And so then are you good at saying no? Because you

  You push past capacity.

  Molly Bierman (04:21)

  I actually did practice that the other night.

  I did practice that the other night. I had like a 911, you know, text from someone who was not my client who was referred to me. And I said to my work husband, I said, I didn't answer. Had to say no.

  And that feels hard because I do like to, again, I think part of it is the urgency of our space sometimes, but I think it plays tricks on us because the urgency might not necessarily be the actual truth, right? It may be that individual's urgency.

  Jill Griffin (04:53)

  Okay, I have an example about that. This

  I have an example about that this week because sometimes doing less is not proving that you're less capable. Sometimes reinforcing and modeling a boundary for other people about how you operate. So let me e explain that. Is that I got a referral from

  actually a new referral source. And for those of you in the industry, when you have like a new re you wanna you wanna please people in some way. You you want to accommodate, you want to be seen as

  Molly Bierman (05:22)

  Accommodate. Mm-hmm.

  Jill Griffin (05:24)

  being, you know, easy to work with, you know, but the reality

  Molly Bierman (05:28)

  Uh-huh.

  Jill Griffin (05:29)

  is my boundaries and the way I work sometimes other people don't like that because I am not as urgent. I am not gonna I've worked in crisis. That's literally my background. So your crisis is not going to become my emergency.

  I I just don't react that way. So it's this person who they want me to work with and want my clinical opinion on.

  You're giving me a three-week timeline to cure or make this person better. It's not gonna happen. And also, I have vacations coming

  Molly Bierman (05:59)

  No, and people telling the truth.

  Jill Griffin (06:01)

  up. I have my schedules already p like these are the things that I'm willing to do. And they didn't like them and they tried to negotiate with me. And the answer kept coming back as no. And and they didn't do well with that.

  Except I will say they kept coming back asking for my clinical opinion because I think that they were they didn't like it, but I do think they respected that I was honest with them instead of stringing them along in some sort of like solution, like magical solution that I had.

  Molly Bierman (06:28)

  Mm.

  Jill Griffin (06:30)

  but I'm capable, I'm capable of doing what they asked me to do in terms of like assessing and coming up with a plan, but it it's not for me. That's not, I'm not available for that.

  Molly Bierman (06:43)

  So what I'll say about that is the same thing goes for me. Like knowing that we were going to scale this business and knowing that we were going to provide more wraparound services for families, when a family does call me, I like have this poll. I'm like, God, like, I want to help them, but I also need to like.

  Yeah, I can't help them if I can't help myself. So that being said, why capable women get punished with more responsibility? Mm, kinda self-imposed, my opinion.

  Jill Griffin (07:10)

  Yes. okay, so here is the thing. What is on your plate right now that literally not a person asked you to do?

  Molly Bierman (07:23)

  My whole plate.

  Jill Griffin (07:23)

  There's probably so

  many. There's probably so many. I wanna hear just one though.

  Molly Bierman (07:32)

  Creating a whole themed birthday party for my two year old? I don't know.

  Jill Griffin (07:38)

  You're good at that, but you like doing that. You like hosting people. Like I think there

  Molly Bierman (07:42)

  I do.

  Jill Griffin (07:43)

  is some joy in that for you.

  I'll tell you mine,

  admin, because I fired yet another virtual assistant and no one asked me to do it, but here I am.

  Molly Bierman (07:54)

  Yeah, that's what I'll say. Yeah, right. Like or

  but here I am. Yeah, like I think a lot of administrative stuff,

  Jill Griffin (07:59)

  There's a lot of admin stuff.

  Molly Bierman (08:01)

  there's just a lot going on right now for both of us. So I would say that, but it's kind of like if we don't do it, then who is gonna do it? but I do try to hand things off that I feel like I can. I don't know. I need a I need anyone know an executive assistant? Increase are welcome.

  Jill Griffin (08:16)

  Can we bring

  on can we bring somebody on that is an expert in executive assistant? Like that that has had one, has used one successfully? Like, I need to know because I know I need one badly. But there's some fear there.

  Molly Bierman (08:34)

  I have zero fear, I just need to know someone good.

  Jill Griffin (08:36)

  I need a capable person.

  Molly Bierman (08:38)

  It's manifesting.

  Jill Griffin (08:38)

  Okay.

  What is the most ridiculous thing that you got handed because you were good at it?

  Molly Bierman (08:43)

  I mean, when I was working in agency, I think the b the biggest thing that I got assumed the role of essentially was when someone would make an error and nobody knew where the error came from and just to simply go back through a paper trail. Like I know how to aud audit a chart. I know how to look into people's documentation. I know where to find the holes. I know where to find the like gaps in communication. I mean it's not my job.

  That was not my job. I had a whole compliance department, but somehow I always found myself up at the nurse's station sifting through charts.

  Jill Griffin (09:14)

  Yeah, I remember inheriting an entire outpatient clinic at my agency job when the director went on maternity leave and and that was the time when I had three cell phones that I was carrying at all times.

  Molly Bierman (09:28)

  I remember that.

  Jill Griffin (09:29)

  And that that to me was the most ridiculous thing. However, more ridiculous is after that maternity leave was over and I was like, hey, I'm actually really good at this and I would like to establish like my role to include this to kind of build and this outpatient practice and this IOP because I knew I was capable of doing that and they shot me down and was like, actually, no, we're not gonna have you do that. Joke's on you because I've done that myself anyway.

  So thank you for the that ridiculous thing.

  Molly Bierman (09:59)

  To just remind us that we are capable.

  Jill Griffin (10:01)

  Yeah. what is the first word that comes to mind when someone goes, Can you do me a quick favor?

  Molly Bierman (10:06)

  That it's not quick.

  Jill Griffin (10:08)

  It's never quick and it's it's actually no. The answer is the first word is no.

  Molly Bierman (10:13)

  It's not quick.

  But if you're listening to me and I ask you for quick favors, please still do them.

  Cause I really need you to.

  Jill Griffin (10:26)

  Is Marty listening? Okay.

  What is a time saying no actually raised your stock, made you more valuable?

  Molly Bierman (10:35)

  I think yesterday, like saying no to a family, knowing that like I didn't have bandwidth and it actually raised my ability to

  know what I have I have limits, you know, and I can't pour from an empty cup. Especially in our space. Like I just cannot say yes yes to every single person. And and it's really important that I delineate like what's good for us versus what's good for someone else or a colleague. And just the whole like when you say no and then you provide another alternative, that creates more cohesion and just like a better, better vibe.

  Jill Griffin (11:06)

  Say that being in this field where there are plenty of yes men, there are plenty of people who will take on cases they shouldn't take.

  Molly Bierman (11:15)

  And women.

  Jill Griffin (11:17)

  They will say yes to accommodations and treatment that they shouldn't. They the list goes on and on.

  Molly Bierman (11:22)

  Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

  Jill Griffin (11:24)

  My no has made me more valuable in that people know I'm gonna be honest no matter what the price tag is, no matter what the costs may be professionally. I am I my no is my no.

  Molly Bierman (11:37)

  No is no.

  Jill Griffin (11:38)

  My yes is my yes. My professional opinion is my clinical opinion, and that's that. So I think that also if you are in this field, if you have a clinical license or not, but if you are in this field, I think sometimes that actually saying no, justifying it, and providing a reasonable alternative, even if the family doesn't want it or agree with it.

  I think it actually legitimizes you more than makes you less valuable as a colleague. So I hope everyone got something out of this. Please let us know what you want to hear more of. go and follow the show on Apple or Spotify or wherever you listen. Also, YouTube, you can see us.

  in the flesh.

  Molly Bierman (12:18)

  You can see a lot of things.

  Jill Griffin (12:20)

  You can see a lot of things going on. And

  Molly Bierman (12:22)

  Mm-hmm. So we'll leave that for

  you to poke around and see what what gems you find of us being

  Jill Griffin (12:27)

  Yeah.

  Molly Bierman (12:28)

  unhinged.

  Jill Griffin (12:29)

  And please share with a friend or colleague that could use this.

  Molly Bierman (12:32)

  Until next time, guys. See ya.

  Jill Griffin (12:34)

  Until next

  time.