Self-Doubt, Inner Critics, and Checking the Evidence
Episode 54 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman
In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Jill and Molly explore negative self-talk, self-doubt, and the inner critic that can show up before doing something hard, vulnerable, or outside your comfort zone.
They discuss how fear, stress, comparison, burnout, hormones, and performance pressure can distort the way people see themselves. Through examples from fitness, dance, recovery, and clinical work, they talk about tools for questioning self-critical thoughts, naming them out loud, checking the evidence, and separating feelings from facts.
This episode is a reminder that confidence does not mean you never doubt yourself. It means learning how to move forward without letting self-doubt make the decision.
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Jill Griffin (00:00)
I wanted to talk about negative self-talk, self-doubt, the thing that like little voice that shows up that, you know, is often like fear, stress, us comparing ourselves to other people, being burnt out. Maybe it's that time of month. I'm just gonna throw that out there as an option.
There are many times with my women friends and or colleagues where I have to be like
Is this the week that we want to have these conversations? Because we just need to really take into account sometimes the hormones, especially when you get to a certain age, what's happening? Because it is intense. And the reason I bring this up is because my race is coming up on Friday. I've been talking about this, dribbling it in here and there and the podcast, but I'm running a high ROX race.
The preparation that I have put into this is no less than an Olympic athlete at this point in my mind, okay? In my mind, I have been training and a and apparently the mind of others. My husband call my husband said that I was a professional athlete this week, okay? And I think he says that because of the nutrition training and specialists working on this body to preserve it at this point, okay? It is.
Molly Bierman (00:55)
And the mind of others, and the mind of others. J me, me at least. I don't know about anybody else, but
Jill Griffin (01:14)
It seems probably on par with some professional athletes.
But I started having these moments where like, can I do this? Like my body last week, I was like, I might not be able to do this. and I started verbalizing that to my group of people who had to reflect back to me like the objective truth of the situation. Because what happens is that voice that we have.
Is subjective, right? It's our own fears, it's our own stuff. And I know we've talked about like doing inventory, having your people, but like sometimes it's us versus us, right? And I I wanted to bring this up because I got some like response back from someone that made me that gave me pause that made me think that because I seem confident in everything I do.
And I think you're the same way. Because we're high performers. sometimes people think like we don't doubt ourselves that we don't have like these moments of like fear or stress or that I think they think we float through life just handling shit. I have a crash out at least weekly, guys. At least weekly. It was week long last week, to be honest with you.
It was more internal. I didn't take it out on everybody else, but it like internal. And what do you do in those moments?
Molly Bierman (02:26)
Also, think that I'm really overly confident in certain areas, and the running joke is that I am a hundred percent correct 50% of the time. Okay. So, right, exactly. That's what he has shared with me. So, that to be said, I feel like
Jill Griffin (02:38)
I'm pretty sure that's a Zack Schnitzer quote. ⁓
Molly Bierman (02:48)
When I have that voice of like creeping in, of like, maybe I'm failing or maybe I'm not cut out for this, that's the challenge that I feel like I really need. Because in a lot of areas of my life, I feel like there's things that come fairly natural. Or I've worked really hard in my career, so I have a lot of knowledge around a lot of things regarding behavioral health.
But I'll give you a tangible example. So back in January, I decided that I was gonna dance again. I competed and danced most of my life. And honestly, that was probably one of my bigger regrets that addiction took a front and center seat and that went on the back burner. So I danced intermittently on and off in my adult life, but it had been some time, like since maybe like seven or eight years.
And I committed. I was like, I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna commit to it weekly. And nine times out of ten, I would have this little voice, either like going into class, like I don't know if I'm ready for this.
I'm too tired. Why did I even think to do this? This is so crazy. This is like, you know, all of those things. I can't handle this. This is like too much for life right now. I have so many other things going on. Why am I taking on something else? I will tell you that it has been so good. And the reason why is because it is something that I have to really work hard at. It is, yes, do I have some muscle memory? Sure.
Jill Griffin (04:03)
Yeah.
Molly Bierman (04:20)
But when it terms of like using both sides of my brain to remember something and to create a routine and stay consistent with it, that is something that I can it I can fall short on. And it's really having to also show up for a greater group of people. It's not just me if I don't show up, right? That's affecting other people that are in the team.
Jill Griffin (04:39)
You're soon
to be recital.
Molly Bierman (04:40)
I'm doing a recital, guys. And it is in June. So This episode will probably launch after that, but
Jill Griffin (04:43)
I'm gonna rely on Sam. I'm
Molly Bierman (04:46)
Yeah, and I'm really excited about it. It'll be my first time back on stage in a long time. And I will tell you that there's times where I'm like, there's a no way I can do this. And my body is having like an adverse reaction or like a racing heart rate where I'm like, my God, am I really gonna get back on stage? But it is something that I feel like is going
Jill Griffin (05:04)
Your body also had other
reactions, like there was chiropractors involved now.
Molly Bierman (05:08)
yeah, like we have we we have to really get i i greased up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait for an extra though. Full season. Just get ready. I mean my chiropractor's on deck though. He's he's he's great. He knows he knows the mission that we're on now.
Jill Griffin (05:13)
Yeah. Yeah.
So
it's actually funny the examples that we have of doubt and this like is really these areas where we're not immediately competent Like I know when I show up to this race, there are gonna be women who are faster than me, who are fitter than me. So
Molly Bierman (05:31)
Right.
Totally. And there's
women that are weighed better than me in class. One hundred percent.
Jill Griffin (05:40)
Because there's
because part of me is like I started saying to why am I even doing this? I'm gonna be I'm not gonna come in first. The point is ⁓ but I still win though, right? Because like I okay, I might not come in first in this, but who else is doing this? There's only a certain number of people that can even compete at this to begin with and complete one of these things. ⁓ I'm now in shape to do it. I remember
Molly Bierman (06:01)
Yeah. Totally.
Jill Griffin (06:06)
years ago after my injury when Robin Arzone from Peloton first posted about a high rocks and I looked it up and I go, no shot I could do that. That is intense. But good for Robin. And here I am. Robin's about to be in the city. Who knows? I might see her. Maybe she'll be right. Hopefully not in my heat. She probably not, but but here's the things that I have learned though, because I when we are
Molly Bierman (06:18)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Jill Griffin (06:32)
I'm a mental health therapist. I sit across from people on the couch, right? That come to me with these self-esteem issues, these doubt issues. I can walk them through it. And I think also when you are a mental health professional, I think people say, you have all the tools, you can do this. Yeah, but for us to apply it to our own lives is like a totally different story.
Molly Bierman (06:36)
Yeah.
Jill Griffin (06:52)
You know, it's much easier for me to point out and help you through something than when I'm in the middle of something. Also, there's something to be said for going through your process. I don't think we should limit people from going through their process of like having a little bit of a crash out. Like th there's some value in that too. There is some learning moments in that too. So these are some simple tools that I came up with that I use frequently.
When the negative self-talk gets loud. One, I turn it into a question. So a lot of times I'll be like, I can't handle this, I'm not good at this.
It am I not good at it though? Like, is this something I for instance, I'll be like, could I have done this a year ago? No, I didn't even run a year ago. You know what I mean? So it's like, I I have to be more curious about like, is it true that I can't handle this or what can I handle?
Molly Bierman (07:37)
Yeah, it just takes more practice and more resilience. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (07:45)
Or it's like, you know, I'm a failure. Am I failing today or am I overwhelmed? Like, do I
Molly Bierman (07:51)
But that's what I'm saying.
It's the perfectionism. The perfectionism. It is a little bit.
Jill Griffin (07:54)
It's not I don't think it's perf
I would not identify as a perfectionist. For you, maybe.
Molly Bierman (08:00)
It but it is the f it not to say that it needs to look perfect, but there is this level of like when you don't do things consistently day in and day out, there is this gap of like, my god, I have to do this thing that feels a bit more intimidating than what feels comfortable and safe.
Jill Griffin (08:17)
No, I think for me, I I don't really have a consistency problem. I think for me it's when I'm not able to be a hundred percent. And we've talked about this, right? Where like your your a hundred percent looks different day to day. And I'm not always honest with myself that when my 20% days are my that's all I can give that day, I get frustrated with myself and overwhelmed or
Or I get frustrated with other people because when I don't show up at a hundred percent, at my typical hundred percent, other people around me start they start having a problem with that. It's like, dude, I'm allowed to have a bad day too, or be anxious or be critical, or whatever it is.
Molly Bierman (08:59)
Okay, so turning it into a question to get clarity, that's a little bit of like the role reversal that we talked to about with Katie Townsend, right? It's the same kind of principle, right? Role reversing with yourself, right? So tool number two is to name it out loud. So yes, thoughts gain power in secrecy and isolation, and when you say them out loud, they what? Create less intensity?
Jill Griffin (09:08)
Yeah, be curious.
Molly Bierman (09:22)
Create less distortion, and really can check your your reality. So
Jill Griffin (09:28)
Well, also naming
it of like, I'm a failure. I'm having the thought that I am a failure. That is a thought. It is not a fact.
And I think it's just taking the okay, I'm having the thought and we we're moving along. But I also think it's when you say that out loud to somebody else, I think there's there's so much power. This is why I always tell people being in a group environment is so powerful because once you say what's in your mind out loud.
Molly Bierman (09:36)
Yeah.
Jill Griffin (09:53)
Two things usually happen. One, people are like, I that happens to me all the time. This, this like similarity, right? People are able to reflect back to you that, this is a common experience, actually. And two, they're able to reflect back what they see because what other people see in us is not what we often have in our heads about ourselves.
Molly Bierman (10:11)
Right. Yeah, I mean
Jill Griffin (10:12)
And I'm not saying in a way of
like getting compliments from people, but it's like, okay, let's let's level set this for a minute. Like, are you really failing? You're in you know.
Molly Bierman (10:20)
Well
well that goes to show, you know, you how effective things like sharing your vulnerability, right? There's a lot of hype around buzzwords right now. Transparency, vulnerability, self-love, disclosure, whatever it is. Those words essentially, if embodied, create a larger space for people to reflect back to you some of the toxic, negative.
rhetoric that you're dealing with. And so some practical ideas to be able to really kind of name it is obviously journaling, saying it out loud to a friend, engaging with therapist sponsor, coach, or otherwise.
And even just saying out loud or changing the moment, saying, okay, this is something that my anxiety's really, you know, getting the best of. Maybe I just do something different for right in this moment, you know? Move a muscle, change a thought. Tried and true, honestly.
Jill Griffin (11:15)
Mm-hmm.
But I also think it's namingit, shout out to Katie Townsend again, but and our p previous episode on parts, it's like naming that voice. It's like this is you know, naming it like anxious Annie or like whatever that person is, like I turn we all turn into a different I turn into a different person. When I'm anxious, I am irritable. I get snappy, because in my mind, everything I I don't have a handle on it.
I get like that's a lot of where my anxiety comes from. But I think it's if it's naming that, it's almost like personalizing that part. It's not me, it's just a part of me.
And then I would think the last thing that I find my I found myself doing a lot this last week is like checking the evidence, which is like that negative self-talk and doubt is usually emotionally driven. So again, going back to the hormones in that time of month, a lot of times when I speak to women, I'm like, okay, we are.
We are on this other side of the spectrum where everything is terrible and everything sucks. And I don't think that's actually true. I think we need to like rein it back in. Maybe we should also table this for thirty six hours from now. Why don't we do that?
Molly Bierman (12:19)
Right, right, right.
I think a couple things. I think that in order for you to have clarity into those blind spots, there has to be a team or tribe around you. I agree with that wholeheartedly. And I think to be able to prove that there's a cognitive distortion, right? That may sound clinical to those who are not but cognitive dys distortions are
Minimizing your wins, magnifying your failures, which a lot of times were mistakes, and then ignoring all of the other data around it. So again, that's like black or white thinking, trying to essentially live in the gray is really where the place you want to be. So
Jill Griffin (12:53)
Or mistakes.
Molly Bierman (13:05)
I do like where it says checking the evidence is not toxic posity. Because there is a level of like if you're always saying yes. Totally, totally, totally. So,
Jill Griffin (13:10)
No, you also have to be accountable too. You can't just write it off like, it's a yeah.
But also the
line where feelings deserve attention, but they don't always deserve authority. And that's where it comes in like, fuck your feelings. Like feelings are not always facts. Like, I'm sorry, but that's been an intervention for me as a therapist for years now. Because I think sometimes we give so much attention to our feelings where it's like, okay, we can feel it. We don't have to act on those feelings all the time though.
Molly Bierman (13:39)
Right. Right.
Right. Right. Right.
Well
Jill Griffin (13:44)
A feeling
is not evidence, in other words.
Molly Bierman (13:47)
Yeah.
Jill Griffin (13:47)
It's you know, We should probably explore it, but that doesn't mean like that gives it authority to to make decisions from that feeling.
Molly Bierman (13:55)
Well who do you become when you stop believing every negative thing your brain tells you?
Jill Griffin (13:59)
Young Jill in the house.
I thought about that when she was doing her parts in the in the I was like, ⁓ the hustler, honey, young Jill all day. Like young Jill, she does not care. She is confident when she is wrong. She does not care. She's gonna stick to that. She is right no matter what.
Molly Bierman (14:02)
⁓ du.
Of course you were.
Same.
Which is problematic.
Jill Griffin (14:23)
I mean, you can't have that as delusional, delusional level of confidence, okay? But you know what? Like she talked about, like when you join that as part of your whole self, like you also need that delusion sometimes to do to accomplish some of the things that we do, you need that level of Dululu. You need to just be full force and and like
Molly Bierman (14:24)
In some cases.
Totally.
Jill Griffin (14:44)
Like you're just you're bet and you're doubling down on yourself. You're like, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Watch me do it. And I teach my daughter that. Like because she pitches and she's out on the mound by herself and I'm like, listen, you walk somebody, you gotta look at that next batter and be like, next one's going right down your throat. Like that's what we're doing here. Like
Because if you show off that you're not you're in a place of self-doubt and negativity and you can't do it, like your whole body language shifts and like no one's everyone's gonna be like, she's gonna walk me too.
Molly Bierman (15:12)
Yes.
Guys,
we're gonna leave you with some permission on this episode. And the permission is to To observe that your critic exists, but also to question it and get curious around it. Because at the end of the day, yes, we can walk through life as if we're overly confident in some areas, but there is always going to be a portion of that inner critic showing up. So
Be curious around it, what's it telling you? What's it showing you, and where is it encouraging you to maybe take further risk? And here we are. High Rocks 2026, Dance Recital, 2026. We are here. Yeah. Same. Same. I already feel like I'm gonna vomit. Okay.
Jill Griffin (15:49)
I'll update you how that yeah. I I'll update you from that start line how that inner critic has shown up and whether or not I survive. To be continued.
Molly Bierman (16:05)
Until next time, guys.
Jill Griffin (16:05)
Yeah.
Molly Bierman (16:06)
Thank you for joining us on No Permission Necessary. As always, in the show notes, sign up for our newsletter, comment on Instagram, like, follow, subscribe, comment, all the things. We appreciate you. Have a good week.
Jill Griffin (16:19)
Peace.
