We’re Addicted to Comfort (And It’s Holding Us Back)

Episode 42 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman

In this episode of No Permission Necessary, Jill and Molly explore how the pursuit of comfort and convenience can unintentionally limit growth and resilience.

They discuss the role of discomfort in personal development, the impact of overprotecting ourselves and others, and the importance of building routines that support both structure and flexibility.

The conversation highlights how small, consistent actions, especially around sleep, movement, and daily habits, can create a foundation for navigating more challenging aspects of life.

• TRANSCRIPTION

  Jill Griffin (00:00)

  I got up at three, I went to pee. I did start the coffee maker because I'm like, this just feels like a morning where I'm going to be up. And I tried to go back to sleep. But I

  Molly Bierman (00:10)

  why don't

  you have an auto thing on your coffee maker? Like where it brews it.

  Jill Griffin (00:14)

  I do,

  but it doesn't go off at three in the morning.

  Molly Bierman (00:17)

  What time does it go out for?

  Jill Griffin (00:19)

  It goes off at 415.

  Molly Bierman (00:20)

  Yeah. Does it grind too? No.

  Jill Griffin (00:22)

  No, it's

  a very basic Mr. Coffee. We have had fancier ones. It's not the vibe in the Griffin household. We just need a regular drip coffee machine. ⁓ Turbocharged coffee, probably way too strong for the general population. In fact, when Alan gets up, he puts more water in to water it down.

  Molly Bierman (00:44)

  ⁓ Are you okay?

  Jill Griffin (00:44)

  But my cup?

  Molly Bierman (00:46)

  One of my girlfriends sent me a picture yesterday. Well, no. So we were, I was at my husband's office and one of the women that used to work with me at the other location, love her to death.

  I walked in and she was holding a sugar-free monster. I looked at her and I said, first of all, number one, I've never drank, hold on, I've never drank a monster in my life, okay? They scare me, just the look of the can intimidates me, okay?

  Jill Griffin (01:02)

  This is not, this is not 2009.

  I LIKE THIS

  DIG!

  Molly Bierman (01:12)

  And she said, it's sugar free. I said, it does not matter. So then the group chat started going off the chain about it. Cause I said, this is concerning behavior. We should, this is a red flag behavior. Okay.

  Jill Griffin (01:24)

  So

  let me just tell you guys, what that translates into is Molly is a dog with a bone, and she is going to shame you into putting those monsters down for good.

  Molly Bierman (01:35)

  This was the monster. I mean, are you scared? I'm scared. It has claw marks for the

  Jill Griffin (01:40)

  Okay, first of all, I haven't drank a monster since really early in sobriety. gotta be honest, but did I? Girl, used to, I used to, this goes great with what I wanted to talk about today, actually. You know what I wanted to talk about? How we are addicted to being comfortable, okay? That's what I wanted to talk about in this. But going back to comfort, when I was in early sobriety, I had gotten my CNA license.

  I was working 40 hours overnight, five nights a week, 11 to 7 a.m., then going right into school to get my bachelor's in social work, which then turned into my master's in social work. So I would go and then I would sleep and then I would wake up and do it all over again. And a lot of times I'd work overtime. I mean, it was just insanity. Then I ended up getting a second job. like, that sucked a lot.

  three to four years of my life sucked a lot. But when I got sober at 24, I always knew I wanted to be a social worker, but at 24 and like, think when you're in your mid, when you're in your twenties, you just are looking at everybody else doing everything and you think you're so behind. I thought I was so behind. And so

  Molly Bierman (02:35)

  Yes.

  Mm-hmm

  And you hustle. You hustle. mean,

  yeah.

  Jill Griffin (02:55)

  Well,

  I think there's two pathways. And I think, honestly, I think a lot of young people are taking this other pathway I want to talk about right now where the pathway is that they are, they, they don't want to work hard because it's uncomfortable and they're tired and it's hard. And, it's not just about work. It's about things in general. It's about being addicted to comfort. think overall is a problem in our society. ⁓

  Molly Bierman (03:02)

  Which pathway is that?

  Mmm.

  Jill Griffin (03:23)

  convenience, having to go out of our way to do things or to grow or learn. We just kind of want to sit back and reap the benefits without the discomfort or the uncomfortable moments.

  Molly Bierman (03:36)

  You know what I'm thinking about? So yesterday I had a long day, okay? I just did. Thursdays have historically turned into this long day for me for a variety of reasons, between work and kids and blah blah blah. And at about 7.30, I thought to myself, yes, I have one million other things I could do that are not super comfortable, right? I had

  Jill Griffin (03:38)

  Please, please help me.

  Molly Bierman (04:01)

  still some Christmas decor out on the front stoop. I mean, we don't know. There's so many things that are happening here. There were still some just like odds and ends laying around from the winter holiday season. And so I did a couple things and then I said to myself, okay, can I lay down and just like be on the couch at 7.30?

  Jill Griffin (04:24)

  ⁓

  that is uncomfortable for Molly. Molly would much rather pick, when she was saying this, I was like picking up all those odds and ends. That's like uncomfortable for you. That's like actually where you thrive. Yeah.

  Molly Bierman (04:26)

  Very.

  Totally, that's what I'm saying. So

  at 7.30, I laid down on the couch. This is why I can't do this though, okay? I laid down on the couch at 7.30. So it was my mom, it was my mom, Bodie and Sam. And I was like, Bodie, come snuggle me. I wanted him to lay. He was like, no, this is weird. We don't know what you're doing, but I can't be bothered. Cause this is, this is me and dad time. I'm not, I'm not.

  Jill Griffin (04:40)

  ⁓ was Sam concerned? Did he think you had a fever?

  What's happening here?

  Molly Bierman (05:00)

  but I laid on the couch, within 10 minutes, I felt my eyes closing. I'm like, I gotta go to bed. I couldn't even do it. Like comfort for me has to be at night in my bed because outside of that, if I just go to like relax, I'm asleep. I'm fully asleep. It could be 10 in the morning or it could be two in the afternoon.

  Jill Griffin (05:21)

  I think that's a larger conversation for another podcast day about overall nervous system regulation and what you're holding and honoring our patterns of energy. However, ⁓ let's go back to why it is so uncomfortable for you to rest.

  Molly Bierman (05:36)

  It didn't feel uncomfortable to me this time. It felt very comfortable. That's what I'm saying. There was some growth. That's the whole point of the story.

  Jill Griffin (05:42)

  I went to bed, there

  was a night this week, 7.30, I was like, guys, it's mom's bedtime. I mean, at this point, my kids are old enough where like, it's almost a joke, but there are some days that like, 7.30, eight o'clock, I'm done. I'm going to bed, cause there's nothing good that's gonna happen for the rest of the day, and we just need to lay it down.

  Molly Bierman (05:50)

  I feel that.

  But thinking about going back, that was my example present day, but going back to my 20s and figuring out where I was in life and what I was doing. And yes, of course, that whole mentality of we have to hustle to keep up because our peers have already graduated college and they already have the job. I I work a lot with my clients on this because they feel like they have to catch up to them. And what I share with them typically is that everybody kind of like figures it out at some point.

  Like it all kind of works its way through the mud. But level of determination and accomplishment and the payoff that I had from that time in my life where I was working, I was in school and I was doing an internship and I was still active in my community and still active in my relationships were some of the best times.

  Jill Griffin (06:30)

  Yeah.

  Molly Bierman (06:52)

  From a community perspective, from meeting new people, from observing the world through people's different lenses. I mean, that was one thing that my education did give me was, yes, sometimes it feels like you're going to kind of check the boxes and as you become more passionate about your career, you kind of learn as you go and a lot of it is hands on. But what it really shared with me was that some of those relationships I still have. I had one of my classmates from all those years ago.

  I mean, how long ago was that? 12 years ago, I don't know, 14 years, 12 years ago. He called me, one of my classmates, and he was like, hey, I have this, like, I'm in this like really weird stuck area with something. Can I bounce it off of you? I wanna know like what you would do in this situation. I was like, yeah, absolutely. I haven't talked to him in forever. And it was so nice when I saw his name pop up on my phone, I was like, my God, I haven't talked to him in forever. Maybe it's a butt dial, maybe it's not, but I, you know. And we ended up connecting. And so,

  Jill Griffin (07:24)

  14 years ago.

  Molly Bierman (07:46)

  The reason why I bring that up is because how else am I going to create, experience those other relationships? When we do things that are comforting, aka crawling up on the couch with a blanket. Yes, of course those moments are so bittersweet and amazing, especially when you have a robust life and those quiet moments are so impactful. But no, but being able to

  Jill Griffin (08:07)

  Yeah, I don't think we should take those away.

  Molly Bierman (08:12)

  say where am gonna push myself to experience new things and raise my level of resilience? And that happened for me in my 20s, for sure.

  Jill Griffin (08:21)

  Yeah,

  so this has come up a lot in parenting conversations recently where the age of my children, they're just more self-aware, especially my older one, you know, she's 10 and there's been other classmates who, know, my daughter's very confident, very confident. However, she'll still express when there's discomfort around things or like she has to do tryouts soon for sports.

  Molly Bierman (08:26)

  Mm.

  Mm-hmm.

  Jill Griffin (08:46)

  course you're gonna be anxious going to tryouts, right? Like that's, you should be a little bit anxious. If you go in there thinking you got this in the bag, like that might not be the best attitude to bring to the table, right? You should, the feeling of nervousness and anxiety actually, you know, helps motivate us to get prepared. And, and you know, it signals to us like this is something serious. Yeah, this

  Molly Bierman (09:07)

  It's an acknowledgement of the body, right? It's an acknowledgement

  of the body. The body is responding to something that it needs to prepare for. Yes.

  Jill Griffin (09:14)

  So what I think's happened a lot in the last, I wanna say the last 10, 15 years, because this is not my experience growing up. I think we went too far in the other direction where we didn't acknowledge it at all during maybe our childhoods. And now we're over acknowledging it and over protecting our children from experiencing failure and from experiencing discomfort. So you have a...

  Molly Bierman (09:36)

  but we're swinging back,

  we're swinging back. Thank God.

  Jill Griffin (09:39)

  Yeah,

  I think we're having conversations about it because what happens is if you continuously create an environment or opportunities to take away any sort of resistance, you cannot create, you cannot build resiliency in your children. So what's going to happen is any time they are faced with something difficult, they're going to just crumble and not be able to proceed, not be able to perform.

  And this is where it's kind of reinforcing anxiety disorders and all other sorts of disordered, you know, feeling states because it's like, well, it's hard. Like something must be wrong with me because this is hard. No, no, let's normalize that there's like a lot of things in life that are hard and uncomfortable and not ideal, but you have to kind of push through in a way. And I'm not talking about pushing through hustle culture wise where

  We're not honoring our boundaries or our energy. We're not resting. This isn't that. This is, there are periods or certain things in life where you gotta just embrace the suck and move through.

  Molly Bierman (10:40)

  Yeah.

  Jill Griffin (10:40)

  And I think we know that struggle and sometimes it's a double edged sword because sometimes we could be in the struggle and not even realize it because we're so desensitized to it. Like it's not.

  Molly Bierman (10:50)

  comfortable. it becomes very

  comfortable. But that's flip sides too, where it's more comfortable for me to be in the ground than it is to be on the couch.

  Jill Griffin (10:53)

  homeless in winter on the streets, so it's fine.

  Struggling, grinding, yeah.

  See, don't, Molly knows, I will shut it down. I don't care what time it is. Alan will make fun of me. If he sees me on that couch, if I roll over to my side, it'll be five in the afternoon, I'm done. And I have no guilt about that. Like I know when I'm done.

  Molly Bierman (11:10)

  Yeah, but you

  So for people who are listening who feel maybe confused because there is a lot of mixed messaging, kind of defusing the hustle culture while also empowering people to meet their goals, while also trying to stay, you know, in some sort of physical routine, while also trying to mind what you're eating, while also trying to, you know, give feedback to your children in a way that feels connected and empathetic and compassionate.

  I agree if you just heard me rattle all those things off that that feels really overwhelming that there are so many different, you know, things to focus on at any given point in time. But for the nature of this conversation, which is essentially how do we start to build the foundational structure for us to feel more empowered to be in our profession primarily, and then all other areas. Those things. Great. Go.

  Jill Griffin (11:56)

  Ahem.

  I have a simple solution. Simple solution.

  you must have a routine that you stick to on a regular basis. And what I mean by that is, you know, sleep wake times have to be similar. You have to have some semblance of an eating regimen, you know, where you're, you're the foundational things, taking care of your body movement, what you're putting in your body, hydration, those things right there and sleep will take care of

  a lot of the other overwhelm of all those other things that you listed if those things are paying, if you're paying attention to those things.

  Molly Bierman (12:48)

  And also, there was a saying that was said to me a long time ago, and my discomfort tolerance was extremely low, you know? Pretty much from a really young age. And what I remember about that is that I did things and created space to make myself feel the most comfort I could.

  And sometimes that was at the expense of other people. Sometimes that was at the expense of myself. And so as I started to expand, right, there's a few things that happen. Obviously our prefrontal cortex becomes more developed. Our executive functioning improves. Our ability to, you know, stress test one another and understand where the blind spots are and awareness really starts to increase.

  So for me, what I said to myself a lot of times was, this is temporary. And the discomfort that I feel in this moment won't be forever. Eventually I'll feel actually very comfortable in school or I'll feel comfortable with my routine and then it'll change again. And then I'll have to figure out a new level of comfort in a new situation. So everything is always ever evolving and changing. But if you can find the comfort in the discomfort.

  And someone shared that with me a very long time ago and it has been a saying that has stuck. Stuck and stayed. Yeah.

  Jill Griffin (14:01)

  Embrace the suck, embrace

  the suck. That is like something that's always stuck with me. Cause it's like, I can remember after my second child and you know, if you have more than one, you know that once you throw two or more in the mix, it's just, it's just the chaos erupts, right? In terms of your schedule, time for yourself, all these things. And I was, I was painfully out of shape in a way that

  was like painful to my body. I didn't feel good. That's the reality. Like my energy levels were low. I felt stressed all the time because I couldn't make it through my day. Like energy wise, I didn't feel present when I was home. I, know, all these body image stuff is coming up like, and like, who, you know, like postpartum you're like, whose body is this? I don't even know what's happening here. And I remember a very particular moment where

  I looked at my schedule, I looked at how I was gonna change these things, and the only times that it could happen was in the morning before everyone woke up. And that was my, I've spoken to a lot of parents and I feel like that ends up being like a protected time for most people before the kids wake up and before you're captured. But it could be different depending on your schedule, before you're captured. I mean, before the phone starts ringing, before the kids start asking for stuff and whatever.

  Molly Bierman (15:10)

  I'm sorry.

  Yeah.

  Jill Griffin (15:16)

  And the last thing I wanted to do was wake up at 4 45 to go to a 5 a.m. class at the gym. And I remember how much that sucked for quite a while, especially with young kids. But I will tell you that it turns into a habit where if I don't get up and do those things most days now, my like my day is completely different, right?

  Molly Bierman (15:24)

  Yeah.

  Lanto. Yeah.

  Jill Griffin (15:43)

  But I also have flexibility where like some days I'm working on the afternoons now, like some days I am, like I honor my body and its rhythms, but I had to set that alarm and start doing that and it sucked and it was uncomfortable. But the other option is like, do I stay in this discomfort of not trying that and seeing if that solution works? Because everything else I've tried isn't working. And I think that's where, you know, with clients, with people in my life where they're like,

  There just is no solution. It's like, you need to be honest with yourself. Is there actually no solution or is there no solution that you're comfortable with that is palatable? Because the reality is there probably is a solution. You just don't like it. Kind of the same concept when you have to get sober.

  Molly Bierman (16:27)

  permission to be uncomfortable. That's really what it is.

  Jill Griffin (16:29)

  Permission to be uncomfortable,

  yeah. And I think great things come from discomfort.

  if you allow yourself to embrace the stuff.

  Molly Bierman (16:36)

  And also you can take a nap.

  Jill Griffin (16:38)

  Naps are a really great tool to just reset. Sleep in general. Permission to, you know what? Permission to go to bed at 7.30 if you need to, okay? Got a couple ones there, guys.

  Molly Bierman (16:43)

  Recreational shower.

  There you go.

  Until next time, we hope that you find your discomfort, share about it with us. Bye.

  Jill Griffin (16:57)

  Bye.