Why You Keep Waiting for Permission to Change Your Life
Season 2 Episode 1 with Jill Griffin & Molly Bierman
Welcome to Season 2 of No Permission Necessary.
In this episode, Jill and Molly return with a refreshed vision for the show and a conversation about the question at the center of NPN: why do we keep waiting for permission to change our lives?
After reaching 5,000 downloads, they reflect on what it took to start the podcast without a perfect plan or a guaranteed outcome. They also share personal moments where choosing not to ask for permission changed the trajectory of their lives, including Molly’s decision to go back to school in recovery and Jill’s decision to seek treatment and sober living before waiting for outside approval.
This episode introduces the next chapter of No Permission Necessary: two behavioral health experts, no conversation is off limits, and no permission is required.
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Jill Griffin (00:00)
Most things in my life don't require permission. And I think that's where people get it screwed up too, is that a lot of people are waiting for someone to sign off.
They're waiting for some sort of consensus. Well, if you go to f the five closest people in your life to you about something, you could potentially be getting five different answers.
A yes, a no, a maybe, a yes only if you do it this way, absolutely not over here. Like, so then what do you do? Then you don't get anything. Then you're still stuck. You're staying
stuck.
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to No Permission Necessary. We are going to be talking about why you keep waiting for permission to change your life. And we are excited about it. We also want to thank you because we have hit a huge milestone hitting 5,000 downloads for no permission necessary.
Molly Bierman (01:12)
Yay.
Jill Griffin (01:13)
Whoa.
Molly Bierman (01:13)
Guys, this is a big deal. I mean, we really started this journey and we're like, no one is gonna listen to this podcast. But we are gonna feel fulfilled. We're
Jill Griffin (01:22)
And we're kind of a big deal. Yeah.
Molly Bierman (01:24)
gonna feel fulfilled by it. And that was really the intent, right? So, you know, I've always been of the mindset that if there's a need, we will very quickly recognize that there's a need and that we're filling a gap. And so, you know.
Although this is fun and lighthearted for us, we hope that this is also impactful for you guys. And based on us celebrating 5,000 downloads, just really means that, you know, women and men are excited to take in the chaos, the tips, the tricks, the experience, and see how they can better you know, utilize that in their life, which is so amazing.
Jill Griffin (02:03)
And think it's also a great way to enter into this conversation about permission because most people already know what they want. who are you waiting to give you permission? We didn't wait for permission for somebody to tell us it was time to do the podcast. In fact, I distinctly remember we had all, our whole friend group together.
For my birthday. And they were still very you could hear a pin drop when we were like, no, yeah, yeah, we're starting the podcast, guys. No one was giving us the green light. I'm gonna tell you right now.
Molly Bierman (02:36)
No one was really that excited about it.
Jill Griffin (02:38)
Zero. And that's our own like close friends, our husbands, you know. So I I think it's really important that if you have a desire that's planted in you.
Even if it sounds outlandish, even if it sounds like, why am I why do I want this? And you don't it there's no clear direction. I feel like none of that is put in our hearts for no reason. Like to me, that comes from somewhere. And we don't always need to know the how, the what, the why, the when. We just need to know and act on it when we feel like it's time. And we we did that.
Molly Bierman (03:19)
We did. We did.
Jill Griffin (03:21)
We jumped in feet first and here we are. We might have actually dove in head first, to be honest with you. We we took a we took a free fall.
Molly Bierman (03:27)
With no scaffolding really, honestly. We had a mic and people were nervous. So, you
know, there's been a lot of things that I have had to jump feet first in without take without asking for permission. And I think probably the one the the one really pivotal moment that I feel as though really set me up for the success of what was gonna happen for my future was going back to school.
And the reason why I share this story as being something that I didn't seek permission on was because I felt like if I did seek permission on going back to school, there was gonna be a lot of feedback, like whether I was capable. And that was
the story that I told myself, right? So to give you guys a little bit of insight into my journey, I was in and out of treatment from a young age.
And you guys can feel free to go back into the archives of no permission necessary and listen to the episode of about our stories. But really what happened for me when I was young was that I really wasn't that great in school. And a lot of the things that kept me from being able to be a high achiever in school were utilizing, you know, substances and alcohol.
and so really at 17 years old, I was in treatment and it escalated pretty quickly for me. And when I was in treatment, I was doing my school schoolwork, like in treatment.
Okay, so I didn't have like a traditional senior high school year experience. And I was going to be in treatment when I graduated high school. And one of the concerns was one, was I gonna be able to complete to graduate? And two, what would that look like in terms of honoring the graduation, but also making sure that I wasn't gonna be susceptible for relapse.
And so at 17 years old, I walked with my graduating class on a home pass from treatment, graduating high school. And then I went back to rehab. And so the reason I tell that story was because obviously I felt like really confused. I actually did fairly well my senior year of high school because I wasn't using drugs and I was in a contained environment and I really didn't have any choice but to do my schoolwork. But through that, I really said, you know, school's not for me. I'm really like.
I I would rather pursue X, and Z. And I, you know, I'm just glad it's kind of in the rear view and move
So when I started to really, you know, get into this behavioral health space, I felt like there was something that was really big missing in my life, which was that I didn't necessarily have the education to back up my career. And I'm not saying that that has to be for everybody, because there's plenty of people that I know that have had very successful careers and it has had nothing to do with the behavioral health education and it has had everything to do with their own experience. But for me, it was something that I really wanted. So when I went back to school, I didn't ask anybody.
I basically said, like, this is what I'm gonna do. I did all the research. I looked at courses, I looked at the programs and figured out this is the program I want to do at this school. And, you know, I really hope that I can finish. And over time, like I kept that journey very quiet because at some point, like I needed to give myself the permission that I could do it. And so that was like my first groundbreaking moment, especially
in my recovery where I was like, I don't need to shout things from the rooftops. I can do things really quietly and I can do them for me.
Jill Griffin (06:46)
Yeah. I have a a very different example of not asking for permission very early on in my recovery that changed
Molly Bierman (06:55)
I can't wait to hear it.
Jill Griffin (06:57)
the trajectory of my life.
So when I got sober, I was 24 years old, I was on probation, and I had what's called a suspended sentence. For many of you listeners, you probably don't know what that means. Don't worry, I'll explain it. A suspended sentence is when you are on probation, but they have looming in the background a sentence that you will go back to jail for that sentence if you violate your probation.
I think my suspended sentence it was either five or ten years. It was between five and ten. It was long enough. I didn't want to do it. It might have been less than that, but in my mind, it was a lot of time. Any time in jail, I'm telling you right now, is a long time. You don't want to go. So I was relapsing. Somehow I'm passing my drug test for a over a year on probation at this point. And I was like, I I
I can't go back to jail. That's not happening. So I called a friend to bring me to detox, and I didn't ask for permission to go to detox. I didn't tell the probation officer I relapsed. I didn't ask for permission to go. In my mind, I thought better to ask for forgiveness than permission in this instance because I feel like
Molly Bierman (08:07)
Sure, totally.
Jill Griffin (08:09)
at least then they'll know. Well, now I'm sober, you know? and so I think I ended up checking back in.
The other thing is, I wasn't allowed to move from my parents' house and I had moved into a sober house without asking for permission. Again, another, I'm gonna ask for forgiveness instead. And it all worked out in my favor. But I will say that that changed the trajectory of my life because if I if I stayed in fear or if I waited to ask for the probation, I don't know what they would have done. Like,
They would have maybe been sick of my ship by then, to be honest with you, and just sent me back to jail.
Molly Bierman (08:45)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (08:45)
and I don't know if I sit here today if I went back for an extended sentence in in jail, to be honest with you. That would have probably broke me in a different way.
Molly Bierman (08:55)
You know, I think that we've all had these risk taking moments, these moments where you don't ask for permission, no matter what kind of way you kind of chop it up or, you know, create it, is that really, you know, catapults us into the next level of confidence, into the next level of grit, and to the next level of resilience. So for me, I really wanted to make sure that
I started to build that back up because I think in a lot of times I sacrificed that, right? I sacrificed my own vote. I sacrificed my own need or my own desire for primarily relationships in many of forms, whether that's family, intimate, work relationships, friendships. And really what I was saying is that I'm gonna sacrifice the parts of me that I really desire.
for someone else's vote, you know? And now it's like, well, I don't really want to do that anymore. I think there's a there's a there's definitely room for compromise. But we're talking about like when we lived in that black or white. Like how often did we sacrifice what we needed or wanted for maybe what we thought society wanted from us, from what our employer wanted from us, from what our, you know,
recovery community wanted from us. And we just really felt kind of in the generic kind of line with everybody else. And so that's been something that can feel really strong to people.
because I think at times our own preconceived notions or our own fears stand in the way of supporting somebody else.
Jill Griffin (10:23)
Totally.
Molly Bierman (10:24)
And that happens for me all the time, like even with the small thing.
Jill Griffin (10:27)
Or
or the fear of like and I don't think our husbands necessarily did this or our friends, but like how is this gonna affect me? Like the fear of how your behaviors are gonna reflect on me because I'm in relationship with you.
Molly Bierman (10:44)
Happens to me all the time. And I was just
talking with someone yesterday about this because there is this line where we have to do what's in the best interest if there is an alignment with ourselves, right? And we're kind of basing our desires and needs, not in selfish motive, but in the ever-growing picture of who we're supposed to become, right? And so I do.
Feel like at times when I'm like slipping back into wanting that permission, or I kind of like correlate permission and fear to kind of be one of the same, right? So when I'm living in that fear or I'm seeking that approval or I'm seeking that permission, it's because I don't have enough confidence in myself that I should make the leap. So
Jill Griffin (11:23)
self centered fear.
Molly Bierman (11:24)
totally.
Jill Griffin (11:25)
You know what it reminds me of? And shout out Matthew McConaughey, his book Green Lights. Have you listened to that?
Molly Bierman (11:29)
I d I've yeah, listen to it on aud audible.
Jill Griffin (11:32)
Okay, if you guys have not read it, do yourself a favor. Yes, that was gonna be my thing.
Molly Bierman (11:35)
And you should listen to it on Audible because he
he narrates it and it's so good. It's so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jill Griffin (11:41)
His voice is so awesome to listen to. And so it
reminds me of that book because it's like when I am in alignment, it's green lights. So like the analogy is kind of like when you're driving down the street, one of those long streets with like 20 green like stoplights, and you're
Molly Bierman (11:57)
Yes, yes.
Jill Griffin (11:58)
just hitting greens the whole time. Like
Molly Bierman (12:00)
Yes.
Jill Griffin (12:01)
to me, I I feel like I'm there right now. I shared earlier. It's I
I'm just content when I'm vibing and everything feels like it's aligned, I'm green lights all the way, right? But when I am getting stopped every block at a red light and I'm asking for permission or hey, is this okay? Do do you mind if I do this? Most things in my life don't require permission. And I think that's where people get it screwed up too, is that a lot of people are waiting for someone to sign off.
They're waiting for some sort of consensus. Well, if you go to f the five closest people in your life to you about something, you could potentially be getting five different answers.
A yes, a no, a maybe, a yes only if you do it this way, absolutely not over here. Like, so then what do you do? Then you don't get anything. Then you're still stuck. You're staying stuck.
And so the most important check in, I feel like, is with yourself around what am I really looking for if I'm asking for permission? Because if I'm looking for the validation that this is the right thing to do.
I can tell you with 100% certainty that my life would not be what it is today if I didn't just take the leap and didn't ask for permission. I I left my a very secure job as a clinical director with no safety plan. I had six private practice clients. Bye.
Molly Bierman (13:26)
But I also think and
I also think that taking the risk is like all different shapes and sizes, right? Taking the risk
Jill Griffin (13:32)
Yes.
Molly Bierman (13:33)
to get married, taking the risk to have children, taking the risk to buy the home, to build the home, to
Jill Griffin (13:38)
Taking a risk to put up
social media posts to just like record yourself talking and put up a post like.
Molly Bierman (13:43)
Jill's really good at that right now.
Jill Griffin (13:45)
I mean, I'm okay at it. Most of the time I'm like, is anybody even listening to this? I do it because I like it. I'm not asking for permission anymore. That's what it is. like, whatever.
Molly Bierman (13:57)
Well,
and I think it's important that, you know, how has this really been a parallel process to the listener and to the co-hosts, you know? So, like, what would you say? Like, the things that we talk about, has that changed what you and I do on a daily basis throughout the last 12 months of
12, 14 months of this podcast.
Jill Griffin (14:18)
About asking for permission.
Molly Bierman (14:20)
No, like how has this podcast really like changed us too? Wall parallel to the listener.
Jill Griffin (14:26)
I think a lot of in a lot of ways it has changed my relationship with my intuition and following what I know to be right, even if I'm not certain about it. Because what happens is when you're certain about something, that doesn't mean that there's no question still. Like I was very certain that this was the right thing for us to try to do.
Even though I had a million questions of if this could work, why are we doing this? What is the end I mean I remember Sam asking us like well what's kind of the point? And we're like, I don't know, it sounds fun. We've been talking about it for five years. That's the point.
Molly Bierman (15:03)
Totally, totally, totally. And I think that really,
really what started kind of us being able to like to see the fruits of our labor was really through like the reviews early on of women and men who were commenting and saying things like
I've never heard a podcast that really hits on what it's like to be in charge of people, be a woman, be a mom, run your own company, and all of the details. I haven't even thought of it until you guys said it out loud. I love how much you are bringing up.
Jill Griffin (15:32)
We're here. We're here for you.
Molly Bierman (15:34)
Right. And, you know.
someone else who I, was able to mentor, super lucky to have been able to be mentored by you. At the beginning of my career, I gained so much knowledge to share. I'm glad you took the leap in starting this. So again, like people also seeing that this is a leap that you have like been tethered to or the ripple effect. so we've really been able to get some of this feedback and then harness the feedback into how we want to continue to develop the show.
Right. And so have there been moments where I would wake up and be like, do we have the creative energy to like keep at this? Like, this takes a lot of manpower. This takes a lot of work. This takes a lot of how do we develop new episodes that are gonna catch and people that are gonna listen? But at the end of the day.
We're just doing it. We're just taking the risk.
Jill Griffin (16:23)
Which leads into the work that we've done. I feel like we've had this tension over the last couple of months of like, we've had some exercises of why are we doing this? What is our mission? What is our vision? And we've talked about that a lot over the last year in terms of our businesses that we run. Well, guys,
Molly Bierman (16:38)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Griffin (16:40)
this is a business. Like
Molly Bierman (16:42)
Our business.
Jill Griffin (16:43)
the this is a venture, right? And so Molly and I really had to sit with doing these exercises ourselves and going through the tension of like,
What's the goal here? What are we doing? And what we came to is our voice and what we've been talking about has really changed from what we put out there originally. And we really want to frame, you know, listen, we're both behavioral health experts in our own right. We have worked with families for over a decade and individuals for over a decade. We have countless stories of leading people in this field. We know what we're doing in terms of.
building agencies and companies, building teams, helping people get to the treatment they need and supporting them. Like we we can do all that. But what we feel like you love the most is us just talking about how we do all of that and also maintain some semblance of sanity in our day-to-day lives. That's what we've been getting from you. So we've decided that there will be
No conversations off the table. We're gonna put it all out there. We're gonna talk about what's real. We're gonna take your feedback into consideration. And we're gonna have guests on here that can talk to us about those things that you wanna hear about, you know, their stories, whether it's recovery based or whether it's just like, you know, a stay-at-home mom and how she got back into the workforce and what that looked like and what it took for her to get there. Like
I I don't think that we thought you cared as much about our like the mundane things that we think are kind of boring. It seems like that's actually what you want some more of.
Molly Bierman (18:25)
So, with all that said, we are giving you guys a sneak peek into the relaunch of No Permission Necessary, our new and improved tagline that really depicts who we are and what we're trying to do here. Two behavioral health experts, no conversation is off limits, and no permission is required. We look forward to dropping new episodes every week on Tuesdays, same time.
So we look
forward to you guys being along the ride and really sharing and providing us feedback on where we're headed. So with all that out of the way, Jill, please provide our listeners with their permission slip to take them through the week.
Jill Griffin (19:03)
Listen,
the permission slip. You do not need permission to start before you're ready. You
never did. Neither did we. That's the whole reason you're listening to this. And we're gonna continue to record for you, is because we are not asking for permission to do so. And we're just gonna keep forging ahead and, you know, impacting women, men.
People who are out there listening to us, and we really would love to hear from you. So help us get our next 5,000 downloads. Share this episode
Molly Bierman (19:39)
Yes.
Jill Griffin (19:40)
with one person who's been waiting for that permission. And also, if you can please let us know what does no permission necessary mean to you right now? We would love to hear from you. Follow us on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, Instagram.
Molly Bierman (19:56)
Until next time, guys. Thanks so much!
